OUR HOUSE

After posting about living happily here in Pennsylvania, I have been chatting a bit with Angry Prophet and from that, have decided to post about the story of my house. I've debated with myself a bit about whether this was interesting enough to post here or should be posted in my "boringme64" blog - the name speaks for itself!

In 1986, before we were married, we bought our 5.3 acres. It already had a well and septic on the site because there had originally been a summer home here that had burned down. Legends abound about what caused the fire. We've heard it was a lightening strike, but others say it happened when an airplane crashed into it and some people have alluded to arson. I suspect it was a lightening strike but the airplane story sounds much more exciting. We had our house built by a local home builder that same year. At that time we could only afford to have the main part of it built (the part with two dormers). We also had them leave the upstairs unfinished to save money. I can still remember the excitement of moving in! Packing up our few things and sleeping on a mattress on the floor. Everything was so fresh and new. Its hard to believe that its 19 years later and everything is now...broken in! LOL!

That winter we finished off the upstairs doing all the work ourselves. The next year we undertook the much bigger project of adding on our garage. I've noticed that many people say that they built their house, when in fact they mean that they acted as a contractor who hired workers to build their house. Well, WE built our garage! I must tell you that Tom was the brains behind the operation. I ended up learning a lot but started out with absolutely no knowledge. Tom is enough of a handyman to know most of what he needed and to figure out the rest.

It ended up being more than just a garage because its the exact same dimensions as our house. This made it easy to figure out the size that the joists, rafters, etc needed to be. It also included the "mudroom" that attaches it to the main house. Since this is an enclosed room it is not called a breeze way but we learned its called a hyphen. We made our decision to make it so big based on the fact that we would never say "wow, its too big', but would possibly regret if we made it too small.

Our project started with calling excavators in the late winter to have someone come in the spring and dig the hole for the footing. Yeah, I know what you're thinking, I said that we did the work ourselves. Well, let me continue. Unfortunately the excavators told us that the earliest that they could dig would be the fall of that year. That was, IF we were lucky! So we started to look for a place to rent a small backhoe. We soon discovered that our isolated country life meant that there wasn't any rental companies close enough (since then, a few have popped up around here). So our first purchase was a couple of spades, yes, shovels. We borrowed a pick. It seemed to many, an absurd idea to dig this huge hole ourselves. I'm not sure if it was optimism or ignorance that led us to take that plunge. One thing for sure we were definitely ignorant about how many rocks are here in Pennsylvania, not to mention the clay! I'm just appreciative of the fact that we didn't encounter any huge boulders. We had a few helpful friends and relatives that would stop by to help...once or twice. I have to mention Tom's cousin who was a powerhouse digger, if we could just keep him going in the right direction!

Well, that heck hole took us over two months to dig but we were ready to pour the footings. We had a cement mixer but decided to have a company come with ready made concrete. We had called the building inspector to have him come inspect the forms while we were at work and assumed he hadn't found any problems. We poured the footings only to find out he had never made that inspection! He said "You've got to take out the footings!" I guess since I'm from the country where they would think that was a funny joke and Tom is not from the country, we both took it differently. Fortunately, my laughter broke the ice and diffused Tom's panic quickly enough that he didn't have a heart attack and throw us completely off schedule! It was only a joke but we were more careful about future inspections.

I think working side by side with Tom made our marriage even stronger. I've seen people try to work together carrying heavy objects pushing and pulling and working against each other. Tom and I have carried so much that its like one person moving the object. Many of the jobs were repetive like cutting and placing the roof shingles. I would cut them and he would nail them down. It got so I would know exactly what size he needed before he even asked. My cooking skills came in handy since I mixed all the mortar to use on the foundation. There's nothing like the strength building exercise of carrying hundreds of 40 pound concrete blocks and handing them to Tom to mortar into the foundation wall. I became very strong but still managed to be pleasing plump! My fear of heights is greatly diminished since I spent so much time going up and down the ladder. Tom did such a good job on the electrical wiring that the electrical inspector commented on how great it was. It passed before we discovered it had a couple of mistakes! Well, all these years later the house hasn't burned down so I guess everything is okay! Tom designed and built the round barn type doors that you see in the picture and did such a good job that they've held up perfectly.

We began to call the inspector "our buddy Dewayne". He was known to be tough but we were always meticulous about our work so we never had a problem with him. He even stood up for us at the Board of Supervisors meeting when we were begging to get our third yearly building permit. Yes, the project took us three years. We had nights that we would get home from work at 5:00 pm and work until it was dark. In the summer that could be until 8:30 or 9:00 pm! Originally I was going to type that the ENTIRE project took us three years to complete but that is not quite true. We got our Certificate of Occupancy after three years but only needed to have one coat of spackle on the walls to get it. And that is the way it remained for around 15 years. That is when we finally finished to the two rooms over the garage for the kids to move into. The mudroom is still in process and the garage may always have spackled walls! We have grown to see that the process of creating our home is much more fun than having everything done right away.

There is always something new happening. A couple years ago Tom finished the porch on the front of the house. I've wanted a porch forever and the wait was worth it! I love the look of hanging flowers in the summer and wreaths and garland in the winter. The latest is turning our mudroom into "The Pennsylvania Room". For me this constant metamorphosis is necessary. I feel that if it stops, we will be at the end of life. To me change is life.

SEWING

Before Christmas I decided to make my family flannel pajamas. They don't seem to sell real flannel pajamas anymore because they so easily go up in flames. I decided to live life on the edge because the snuggly feeling is so worth it! Erin loves when I tuck her in at night because she says I am covering her up with love when I put her blankets on her. Sarah quickly picked up on this. So I told them how much love went into their pajamas and now they can walk around the house covered in love! Yeah, I know its hokey, but it makes all of us happy! I've wanted to post about this sewing project but couldn't because they were a surprise. I let them open their pajamas on Christmas Eve so they could wear them to bed and they would be wearing them in all the Christmas Day videos. More hokeyness as my husband and son wander around in matching plaid and the girls in matching pink and purple frilliness! I was able to achieve supreme happiness when they were just as thrilled about them as I was! Sickening isn't it! LOL!!

I was so excited about them that I couldn't help mentioning them to random people I came acrossed in everyday life. Then I realized that it sounded like I was trying to be crowned "Mother of the Year" and had to stop myself. As I was spending those countless hours sewing away, I felt how nice it was to be in a new phase with my kids where I actually have time and energy enough to work at something I enjoy. I love that feeling of creating something and seeing it take shape. I felt tired and worn down most of the time when they were really little and just decided to stop doing most of those projects and activities that I wanted to do. I know people always say "take time for yourself" but its one of those things that is easier said than done. Especially when I didn't have any family support, no one who would babysit or help out when the kids were sick. I always found asking a friend to watch the kids would backfire because payback always seemed twice as hard as what I would get out of the deal. So I muddled through and now I am at the end of that tunnel seeing the light of day. Its nice. I even think I have time and energy to make myself a pair of pajama pants with the extra cloth!

GRATITUDE

I've noticed the general trend with my blog lately tends to be a whine fest. That's odd because my mood has been quite good lately. So, with that in mind I've decided to write a post that is more reflective of my current state.

I absolutely love where I live! I don't usually go out in the evenings but whenever I do, I often feel a sense of gratitude driving along our lonely country roads. For some reason the feeling of the darkness enveloping me feels cozy. No street lights to blaze the way. I just have to trust that the road in front of me will continue. I wonder how the many twists and turns in my life have brought me to this little piece of Pennsylvania. Remembering how many times I had looked down while flying in a jet plane and marveling how many lives I was seeing and now thinking I was just one of those. A transplant from New Hampshire, I'm still able to enjoy the four seasons. However, the somewhat milder environment in Pennsylvania brings me a peace both physically and mentally. I smile to think of the life I've carved out here. It's all mine. No one else told me to live in Pennsylvania. It is my chosen land. For me nothing is better than hiking in one of our lush forests to find a rushing waterfall at the end of the trail. Wiggling our toes in the frigid mountain stream. In the winter seeing frozen scenery worthy of a photograph but knowing that a picture isn't necessary because tomorrow will bring another view just as beautiful. I love our mountains and I love my little dirt road, dust and all. I think of all the sweat I have poured into our five and one third acres and our rambling house. Remembering each project completed, or not. Our choice to finish or leave it for another day. Thinking of our kids, the family we created. Knowing I am loved. Wrapping myself in a quilt and snuggling up in front of the fire. Watching the flames and knowing that this is the happiness that I've created. My greatest accomplishment so far.

POLITICS

In my opininion the problem with our country does not lie with the president. The problem is with the people who believe him. He has a way of turning everything into a patriotic issue. Let's stand together as Americans and fight!!! Hoorah! Since many Americans are very patriotic they jump right on his bandwagon. Let's trust that he will analyze the finer details and we will blindly follow him into battle. The part that scares me is if this little housewife in Pennsylvania could see the fault in his grand scheme, why couldn't enough other people see it to stop him. How can we stop the president? Not elect him for a second term. But he did get elected and that's what scared me. People still don't see that Sadam Hussein was just a scared little man in a hole in the ground. Eighteen year old kids are dying to destroy the threat that hid in a hole in the ground. Now the president has convinced people that we are helping the Iraqi people and that's why we went in the first place. Do you know how many people need help in this world? We could help in a lot of places where we wouldn't need sodiers to die. The only blessing in this is that Iraq is keeping the president busy so he doesn't do something more stupid. And believe me this housewife can think of plenty more stupid things....
Clinton with his preference for interns is looking pretty good right now...

SPREADING GOOD CHEER

Since I did such a good job at torturing the orthodontist I decided I would search for another unsuspecting victim. Last monday I found my mark. The poor, innocent service clerk at the grocery store. My christmas cards (photo kind) were supposed to be ready by saturday so surely they would be there monday morning! Afterall, there were signs posted all over the place that said 5 days guaranteed or free. Not here yet. Hmmm. Well, how do I get them for free under the guarantee I asked sweetly. Let me see when they went out she mumbled. They went out tuesday. I informed her that I had dropped them off on monday and even joked with the cashier that she was my witness that I was there before 10:00 am. Well, they went out tuesday. I pointed out that even if that was the case then they should have been in on sunday. We don't get deliveries on sunday. Well, you shouldn't have a sign that says you do. Enter annoying girl from back. After running through all the same info with her she informed me that she couldn't be responsible if there was a snowstorm or traffic and the photo guy didn't show up. There wasn't a snowstorm and traffic, HAH! We live in the middle of no where! She told me that this had nothing to do with the grocery store and the photo company had to deal with it. I asked her what she normally does when someone has a question about the guarantee. She said I was the first person ever to ask about it in the entire history of the store. I hardly think so! So, being treated like an idiot/criminal at the store was not enough punishment for me, I had to call the photo company and whine to them. The wonderful associate Cynthia, helped me solve my problem. The grocery store was to give me my photo cards for free and then take down all the offending guarantee signage! I don't think anyone is super mad at me because I joked when I went back, that the grocery store was thinking of making up a rule that I would only be allowed in the store every five days. They got a kick out of that. I guess saving $30 was worth my hassle. All the more money to spend at the orthodontist!

ADOLESCENTS

I'm coming to think that our job as parents when dealing with adolescents is to remain calm. If we allow ourselves to become upset and our feelings to be hurt then we risk causing a grudge that may last for a long time. This is coming from a parent that does get her feelings hurt. Whenever I am told that I'm not being fair I think of all my efforts to be fair and think it was all for naught. In my better parenting moments I can take a deep breath and know that it will all blow over in a day or two. Their bodies are starting to go through so many changes and their minds as well. Its hard for them to be this age. Its hard when you want to cry at the slightest problem. My job becomes easier when I remind myself of these things. I'm also trying to teach them that they need to buckle down and ride out this difficult change and realize that some times they will have these unhappy feelings and that's just the way life is. I'm hoping that my "better parenting moments" will end up counteracting my not so great ones and that we'll all come out at the other end without any serious wounds!

ORTHODONTIST

I just have to post about my recent orthodontist woes! Something I want to forget, but should remember.

My first two kids had very small mouths, so much so that it was obvious that they would have severe problems with their teeth if I did not do something. Begin "Phase I". Phase I involved an orthodontic appliance that was meant to apply constant outward pressure to their teeth while their mouths are still growing to make them grow more than what they normally would. We survived Phase I and have now entered Phase II. Braces. Now that we've spent all the time and money to make their mouths bigger I've been informed that two of their top teeth are too small and in order to make the top teeth and bottom teeth line up in a perfect bite, they will need to leave spaces around these two teeth and then build them up using veneers....sigh. This is the case for both kids.

I began to ask myself if this would be the wisest choice. I have a veneer and know that they don't last forever. How important is a perfect bite? Is it worth the life long hassle of maintaining veneers? Just how bad would their bite be? These are questions that I decided to pose to my orthodontist (Dr. R). Simple enough. Well, the first time I brought it up he said thank you and wrote in my sons chart that I did not want to go with veneers and made me sign below that note. I guess I was signing to be responsible for those possible "dental problems" he would have in "50 years" caused by on imperfect bite??!! Not very much discussion. Me, I need to talk, discuss, beat a subject to death. So I decided at the next visit I would ask for the other orthodontist's opinion (Dr. E) and at the same time get a couple of new questions that I had answered.

This is where things began to fall apart. I requested that Dr. E see Thomas first because his chart had the note in it, then we would apply our decision to Erin if appropriate. We had just gotten to the point where Dr. E was going to tell me just how bad Thomas's bite would be when Dr. R interrupted to tell her to work on the patient next to us. He told the technician what needed to be done on Erin. So, while Erin was being worked on, I worked on closing my mouth because my jaw had dropped open when he had redirected Dr. E in the middle of my converstation with her. Once I got my jaw under control, I decided to use it to pick up my unfinished discussion with Dr. R since he was the one now working on Thomas. He started to get annoyed at me and said "you can't have it both ways, you can't close those spaces up and get a perfect bite at the same time". I told him that I didn't want it both ways, I just wanted to know if I was making a terrible decision. If the veneers are mostly for a good cosmetic look I don't want to do them. I just want to know how important the perfect bite is. He was still annoyed and said he would never let me make a really bad decision. I started to tell him that I didn't get that feeling when he had made me sign the note in Thomas's chart. He tried to interrupt me part way through until I said "I'm trying to tell you how I felt when I left last time". I think it may have been at this point that he stood up as if he was going to walk off and said "fine". I looked him in the eye and said "I feel like you are shutting me out right at this moment". Somehow I managed to get him to sit down and hopefully he decided to listen to my concerns. I ended up feeling about 90 percent certain that my decision is the right one but unfortunately, because of the tone of the entire discussion I'm not sure that he's telling me the truth. I'm afraid its possible that he is just telling me what he thinks I want to hear to shut me up.

I'm not sure at what point I realized that everyone in the room was lurking in the background watching this circus. I wasn't yelling, but you could definitely describe our discussion as "heated". In light of the fact that I still needed my questions answered, I persevered. My visit lasted about an hour so obviously I've only covered the main points in this post.

This has nothing to do with anything, but I needed to look up persevered to make sure of the spelling and saw "persnickety" and it directs you to "pernickety" and it means having extremely exacting standards. Neat word.

I think one problem lies in the fact that Dr. R opened the practice and hired Dr. E later on. I think he still sees her as just an employee although she has worked there for a few years now. She is opening her own practice and only works at his office one day a week. I doubt I will ever be able to get her professional opinion on anything.

Fortunately, at this point I still feel that the treatment that they have received has been fine and nothing has been done that's wrong or harmful. The only problem I have experienced is this one and I see it as a personality conflict that I've dealt with to the best of my ability. Unfortunately, I've paid for their braces and am sort of stuck with Dr. R. I know that I could leave and lose some money but I don't think the situation is that bad. The good thing is that if this is the wrong decision it is something that can be fixed easily with braces later on.

My kids had a valuable lesson in standing up for yourself. On the funny side Thomas must have been feeling my pain during the situation because at one point he blurted out "your doing great mom!" I love that kid! Its nice that they are getting old enough to understand what's going on and give me their perspective on the situation. Its validating to know that I wasn't imagining things or overreacting to what I was experiencing. Erin said she couldn't believe how rude he was being to me. Thomas confirmed that he was just yessing me to death at first but then finally started to tell me the truth. Thomas said that he felt that I would never be able to trust what Dr. R said totally but most of what he ended up telling me was probably true. The next day Thomas said that while he was laying in bed that night he realized just how hard that confrontation must have been for me. I told him I was glad that he appreciated my efforts and that one day I hoped he would be able to do the same for himself.

I MEANT TO SAY

Okay, so sometimes I just babble. I understand that this is a public blog but a lot of times I don't think about that when I'm writing. I guess that's because so few people read it. I write for myself sometimes and other times it is for my family. I'm the kind of person who feels better when I write about my thoughts. My last post was a shorthand version of things I've been thinking about and I only posted it as a string around my finger to remind myself of those things. I've posted about judging in the past and I'm still thinking about it but I guess at the time I didn't want to have a whole huge post on it.

So, what I meant in that post....

In the past couple of years I have thought a lot about how people seem to spend a lot of time judging other people. Everyone does it, including me. I am on a quest to reduce the amount of judging that I do. I highly doubt that I am a good enough person to completely stop judging others. I'm trying to accept that people are imperfect but sometimes its hard. Its also hard to have an opinion without coming off as judgemental. That's a tough one but I think opinions can be valuable.

I've also noticed that because everyone feels insecure about their own imperfections they can tend to be overly sensitive to comments I might make. For example I know someone that has an adult son who lived at home with her for longer than usual (because of issues that he had that she had no control over). One time I was talking about how my goal is to try to make my kids independent enough that they will move out on their own when they become adults. None of my kids have the same issues as hers does. At the time, what was going through my head was how deep down inside I would love my kids to be with me forever and I need to overcome that desire and push them to be independent instead. I was not thinking about her situation with her son at all because in my head it was a totally different issue. As you can imagine, she was sensitive to this and she thought I was making an insult to her. She carried this grudge inside of her for at least a year before she let it out in an angry way. I was shocked to think that she assumed I had nasty intentions. I felt absolutely terrible that she had felt so bad. I took her unhappiness on as my responsibility. Eventually, I realized that it was her struggle not mine. I need to realize that even when my intentions are innocent that some people will take things the wrong way. This may sound obvious, but for me its big because I am always concerned with not hurting others with my words.

Lastly, I also have been telling myself that I'm sensitive about certain things and not everyone is trying to negatively judge me. Just like the person I talked about previously, its possible that I overreact in certain situations.

TRYING VERY HARD

I am trying very hard to be understanding of human frailties. This includes my own. Also, I am trying to accept that sometimes, even though I've done my best, people may still misunderstand my intentions. Someone else's issues may make it impossible for them to hear what I am actually saying. I've decided that in those cases I need to realize that its their struggle to deal with and not mine. I am also trying to accept that sometimes other people are not trying to be understanding of my frailties. And other times, its possible that their intentions were not meant to be bad but I've misunderstood because I have issues of my own.

Knowing these things helps me to get over things and move on. Its funny how easy it can be to be happy when things don't have to be perfect.

I GOTTA BE ME

One thing I love about my "old age" (41 years old) is that now when I pick up a new hobby its totally because I want to do it. I'm not interested in how I look to other people. Recently I bought a keyboard because I was tired of waiting for myself to buy a piano. I have been teaching myself to play "piano" on the keyboard. Its quite a fun challenge. I love that no where in the back of my mind am I thinking that I will be "cool" because I know how to play piano. I don't need anyone to be impressed by my budding talents. Or if they are unimpressed by my talents I still don't give a hoot. I am just doing this because I like it. Well, I have to admit that I am doing it partly because I'm hoping that there is some truth in the adage, "use it or lose it". By learning something new maybe I can work the two brain cells I still have left. Otherwise, I fear that they too may be gone in the very near future.

THANKSGIVING

I AM THANKFUL FOR:

MY HUSBAND WHO IS JUST GREAT!

MY KIDS WHO ARE THE BEST THAT I COULD ASK FOR!

MY HOME WHERE I ALWAYS FEEL SAFE AND PROTECTED!

FOR BEING BORN IN THE UNITED STATES!

FOR MY BRAIN THAT WORKS PRETTY DARN GOOD!

FOR MY GOOD HEALTH!

FOR ALL THE THINGS THAT GO RIGHT IN MY LIFE!

ON SPANKING

Lately I don't ever seem to watch entire television shows, but surfing through the channels recently I heard that 94% of parents say that they spank their kids. I was a bit surprised that only 6% of parents are like me and have never used spanking. I haven't thought about it for awhile because my youngest is almost nine years old and I haven't had the urge to wholop them for quite some time. Yes, I had the urge many times over the years but never followed through.

I have to admit that it must have appeared that I was up on my soapbox defending the Nonspankers of America many times. I am sorry for this because I'm sure that it made others feel judged. I can't change things I said but I will clarify things now. I felt an urge to defend myself because many times I felt judged. I was told that I should spank my kids because every kid needs to be spanked. It also seemed to frustrate others to see me taking the slower nonspanking methods of discipline when my kids would act up. Also, since I wanted to spank them in my times of frustration, I think a lot of my anti-spanking talk was in done in order to justify to myself that I was doing the right thing.

I want people to know that it is possible to raise your kids without spanking them. Mine did not turn out spoiled and out of control. In fact, I think its just the opposite, they are really well behaved and have a lot of self discipline. However, I would never try to convince another person that my way is right for them. I actually believe that for some people the best way may be the spanking route. In the end its only important that you provide some sort of fair discipline that doesn't break a childs spirit. Even more important is what you do when you are not disciplining them. If you make some mistakes now and then in the discipline department they will forgive you if they know they are loved.

HOME AGAIN HOME AGAIN JIGGADY JIG

I'm happily home to my wonderful family! I'm pleased to announce that I was able to leave some of my baggage in Georgia. (AGK if you find it, DON'T send it back to me!) I think I left almost all the junk that I didn't want any more, but you can never tell. A "good samaritan" might have seen something hanging around and thrown it in my overnight bag. I haven't emptied it yet to see if anythings there. Right now I feel pretty darn good.

TEACHERS

When my son was in first grade he had a teacher who was....let's just say that Thomas had a horrible year due to a personality conflict. He hated school and was getting headaches. After that experience I decided to start requesting the teachers that my kids would have. I know that some people do not believe in requesting, based on the idea that kids need to learn how to deal with all types of personalities. I respect their feelings. My decision is based on the fact that kids are given almost no power in their adult/child relationships and are expected to always bend to authority. I am their voice. I've had better luck trying to get a good match to begin with than with trying to work with a teacher to get change. These are their formative years and I think this time in their life is too important to leave things up to chance. Once they hit middle school I stopped requesting but made sure they were in the appropriate level.

I have not always picked the right teacher for my kids. I can think of one bad choice I made for each of them - oops - but I'm getting better at choosing. I've always at least tried to rule out who I would think would be the worse match for them. I've learned a couple things. One thing I've learned is that a teacher that can be a good match for one of my kids can turn out to be a horrible match for another one of my kids. I've also noticed that many teachers can fit into the following three categories. Lovey, dovey, super patient and makes school fun. Regimented, organized and predictable. Drama queen (or king) but with a great passion for teaching. These are not the only categories, but they seem to be the three that all my kids teachers have been in, although now that my two oldest are in middle school I'm starting to see there is the category where the teacher is "just doing their job and picking up their paycheck". This last kind of teacher is relatively harmless and I realize that they will more than likely get a few of them, no big deal.

I've been helping out in my youngest daughter's class and since the beginning of the year two students have been transferred out of her class because of "personality conflicts" with the teacher. This is a teacher that my older daughtered had and I requested her for Sarah knowing full well that she fit into the "drama queen" category. I warned Sarah about her drama queen side and told Sarah that the teacher is not half as upset as she sounds. Last week when I was in the classroom it dawned on me that someone seeing this teacher in action would wonder why on earth I would request her. I chose to request this teacher because I was pretty sure that Sarah could handle the drama (and maybe even learn from it) and that Sarah would learn A LOT academically. I see Sarah blossoming. This experience has taught me that lovey, dovey is not always the best choice.

Other things I've learned:

I now see that its not always good to base my decisions on what other parents say because their kids experience is going to be different than my kids. Although I listen to what everyone has to say.

Warning your children about a teacher's not-so-nice quirks helps them to deal with them a lot better. Teacher's are human so all of them will have flaws.

After a rough school year its good to point out to your kid that its great that they learned how to cope in a difficult situation. This way they learn the value of the phrase "this too shall pass".

The most important thing I've learned is that sometimes the obvious choice is not always the right one.

JOURNEY TO THE SOUTH

I'm about to embarked upon a journey. My goal is that by friday, when I have to leave, I will have whittled all my "baggage" down to just one carry on. I'm only staying two nights so how much should I have to bring? Can't I survive two nights with only a couple of things? I do have to bring something because I wouldn't want to be naked. Maybe I should just bring clothes and a toothbrush and just forget all that other "baggage". The thing is, I don't want to just leave it home. I want to get rid of it and the Salvation Army doesn't accept just anything you know!?! I guess I could check my baggage and hope it gets lost. I can see that I will have to work to get rid of this stuff. Maybe I should have been more careful when people were trying to give me all this junk. It's really weighing me down and its tough to unload. No one else wants it.

Ooooh, I'm so good with all this symbolic stuff....

NEW THOUGHTS ON OLD CLOTHES

There's a Levi's commercial where a young man artificially wears out a pair of his jeans to give to his girlfriend as a momento so she can keep them to remind her of him. Then, as he is heading off on a bus into the wild blue yonder he takes off a pair of baggy sweatpants and low and behold, underneath are his REAL pair of worn out Levi's. I can really relate to this guy because it occurred to me the other day that I seem to have a fettish for old clothes. Unlike this guy, however, I do not look "cool" in my worn out clothes, I probably just look like a bag lady. I have plenty of decent looking clothes that fit just fine, but I prefer to wear the same worn out overalls. They now have holes in them but I hesitate to buy a new pair. New, yuck. It's not even a comfort thing because I have plenty of comfortable clothes too and I try to wear them, but those grubby old overalls beckon from their spot on top of the dryer. It takes awhile to make a pair of pants old. I have a decent pair of sweatpants that now are looking grubby and have paint on them. I'm almost there on a pair of Chino's. But I really love those overalls! Its a fine line I walk though because I can't stand holes...that's why I need to get rid of the overalls. They have holes and I can't stand them! The material is so thin that I can't patch them....so....I guess.....I'll have to get ......new ones.....AAARRRGH!

THE CIRCLE OF LIFE

Once upon a time I was a little kid. I couldn't stand when adults were less than tolerant of my rambunctious antics. Then I became an adult...without kids. I couldn't stand those wild little brats that parents refused to control. Once I had some of those wild critters of my own I understood the parents perspective. I just couldn't stand when people without kids would criticize my offspring! Once I realized that I used to be one of those less than patient people I decided I would have to be a little less judgemental of them. Now I couldn't stand parents who couldn't stand people without kids who are sick of other people's kids. Wait, I used to be one of those parents, angry when someone couldn't tolerate my kids! I guess I'll just have to be more patient with everyone! Or I could just wait until I'm old and my senses are dulled and I can't hear, see or smell anything and I'm so out of it that I could care less anyway! I'm getting there...

BLOGOSPHERE

Wow, this is a weird place!

GEORGIE PORGIE SITTING IN A TREE

Well he wasn't "k-i-s-s-i-n-g"! Last week as I was leaving for dance class with Erin and Sarah, our kitten George did what he does best, he darted through the door. I yelled to Tom to get him in sometime in the next hour. Somewhere in my pea sized brain I should have realized that George was used to coming when I called him, not Tom. He tried to get him to come in the entire time I was gone but when I arrived home three hours later he was still out. I knew when I called and he didn't come right away that he was lost. The kids helped look for him for awhile but I needed to send them to bed. I looked for two hours in the dark woods with my flashlight. Let me mention here that we do see BEARS around quite a bit! We also hear foxes a lot but I was more worried that George could have encountered them, then me having any problems. I was quite worried because it was getting to be around 40 degrees F. I knew my other cats can handle freezing temperatures, but George's coat is no where near as full as theirs. He's put on weight since we've had him but can still be described as scrawny. I finally gave up and went to bed by our front door so I could hear him meow if he showed up and wanted to get in. I tossed and turned thinking of all the horrible possibilites. Did something eat him? Would he curl up somewhere, tired, fall asleep then freeze to death? I had asked Tom if Beau had gone running after anything and he said only to the edge of the lawn...in other words, no he hadn't gotten a hold of George and done something horrible. You see, although inside Beau is meek with George, I've seen Beau go after wild animals with a vengence and don't totally trust that his wild instincts wouldn't take over. As I slept I kept imagining that I could hear George cry. I woke up exhausted. Thomas and Erin got ready for school while I made "lost kitten" signs to hang up at the entrance to our community. We had 5 minutes before we needed to leave and Erin and I went out to call George again. As we headed out into the woods behind our house calling I heard a faint "meow"! Oh my god, I hear him!!!!!!! I thought I was going to cry with relief. Relief because I wouldn't need to explain to Sarah that he wasn't coming back and relief because I like the little bugger!! We stopped and called again, it was coming from my neighbor, Margaret's house! At first we thought he was trapped in their wood pile until Erin looked up and saw him HIGH up in a tree. We called, he meowed but wouldn't budge. I had to bring Thomas and Erin to school but I told Sarah to watch him while I was gone in case he decided to come down he wouldn't get lost again. One of our other cat's Bob decided to help by calling to George and keeping Sarah company. During that time Richard, Margaret's husband, came outside and then went in to tell Margaret, "we have a little girl in our driveway"! So I came back to Sarah and Margaret staring up into the tree, Bob had enough and gave up. Sarah needed to get ready for school so I sent her in. I also didn't really want her to be there in case George fell and got hurt. He was up about two and a half stories and foolishly decided to come down the hard way. I think he used up one of his nine lives when he luckily landed between a railroad tie wall and a stump with a pointy piece of wood sticking out of it. He landed in some leaves that didn't do much to break his fall. I saw as his feet landed, his back kept going and bent backwards more than it probably should. He got up quite dazed and started to stagger off. My neighbor worried he was getting away but I wanted to see if he could walk. I then scooped him up and carried him home. He was shivering, not from the cold but from the stress. As soon as I got home with him, he wobbled up the stairs and went pee in the litter box. He peed for a very long time! He ate a bit. He looked exhausted and dazed. He was walking a little crooked and I was concerned because his back had bent so much but a couple of hours later he seemed A-OK! The next day he was back to his usual crazy kitten self! A very happy ending! I can't tell you how happy I really am! I'm so grateful he is home.

INTERESTING OBSERVATION

Have you ever noticed that some people's identity revolves around the hardships that they've endured? I know someone who likes to point out how "street smart" she is. She admires other people who are "street smart". I'm sure that she thinks that I am NOT "street smart". Just a naive country bumpkin. She is not the only person I know who wears her past as a badge of honor. She perceives herself as one tough cookie who is ready to take on the world. I've often found myself in subtle contests with these kind of people trying to prove which one of us has had the rougher childhood or gone through more off the wall circumstances. When I realize what is happening, I get annoyed with myself as well as with them. Why must I reveal what has happened to me in the past in order to gain their respect? Why should my respect for them increase because they feel they've "been through a lot"? I see that its all relative and have trouble feeling that my life or theirs has been tough. Just watch a documentary on the Holocaust. Or on female circumcision. Or on people in other countries being tortured and killed. Those things make our problems trivial. How can people want to wear these trivial things as a badge of honor?

I'm not talking about people who use things from their past in order to help people in the present. Or people who use problems in their past to make them a better person today. I'm also not talking about people who sometimes whine and complain that life is not fair (that would be me). I'm talking about the people who elevate themselves based on a false sense that they have been through more difficulties than the average person. We've all been through things, but I just don't get why someone needs to use that to make themself feel superior.

SOMEBODY LOVES ME

I just had a relative come to visit me and while she was here she asked me if I realized that my son Thomas always wants to be close to me (sitting next to me). I told her that I did realized it but later I began wondering why she had pointed that out. I began to think that maybe she was trying to tell me that he was too close to me. As I was wondering, it occurred to me that it doesn't matter what she was thinking because its so wonderful that ALL my kids want to be close to me. My husband also wants to be close to me. They want to be with me because they love me. They literally surround me with love. Such a simple thing that means so much. It hit me just how lucky I am. I have what everyone wants. Love! I often bemoan my less than perfect childhood. The lack of love I felt. All that really doesn't matter because I have four people who love me now. I have everything I need sitting right here beside me.

GRAPPLE AND OTHER SUCH NONSENSE

Grapple, grapple.

Doesn't that word look weird? Doesn't it sound weird? I hate when I decide to use a word as I'm writing something and as soon as I write the word down it starts to look weird to me. I just used grapple and the more I thought about it, the more I thought that I probably had made up the word myself and no one else would even know what it meant. Because really, it just doesn't exist in the English language. So, I went to my trusty dictionary (had to stop and check to see if I was spelling dictionary correctly since that word also started to look a little weird to me). I looked up grapple. I have to note here that I just went back to the dictionary right now to look up grapple again because I lost my spot and I've discovered that "grapple" has moved. I swear it used to be halfway down on a righthand page, but now it is on a lefthand page only a third of the way down!

Anyway...believe it or not there are two listings for grapple. One is that it is an instrument with iron claws used to fasten an enemy ship alongside before boarding. It even has a picture. Also, listed here is that it is a hand to hand struggle and also that it is a bucket similar to a clamshell. Next it is separately listed with the definition that I was using - "to come to grips with".

Now, you would think with all those different usages that I would not be weirded out by seeing it in print! Surely, I must have seen it many different times!

Is "usages" really a word? Its looking a little weird to me! Oh no, here we go again!

MY OTHER BEAU

This is my other dog Beau! Doesn't he look like a completely different dog when he is shaved!? He was unhappy because we had to hook him up. He hates being tied.
Today he is unhappy because for the next few days he is not allowed into the house....until the SKUNK smell wears off. I think this is the fourth time that he has been sprayed and he never learns....don't bother to send special shampoo/bath formulas because I refuse to wash him. He is suffering the consequences, I know it sounds mean but I wish he would just learn the smell of skunk is not pretty. He probably never will. Sigh! I've found that is how cats are different from dogs, I had a cat who was sprayed by a skunk...once... she learned.

THANX

Thanx for all the nice comments about my being a good mom. Like I said, I don't take a compliment well. Just so I don't feel like a phony, I have to mention I have my not so good moments. Quite a few of them to be exact. I can yell and scream and say stupid things that I regret. Sometimes I wonder if some of the things that I say and do really are the right thing. Many times I never figure out if I'm getting it right and I just keep plugging along anyway. My kids seem pretty happy right now but am I helping them have long term happiness? Well, a new kitten doesn't hurt and they can live for 20 years or more (see pictures below)!! LOL!!

I realize that kids are incredibly forgiving if you make sure you season your flaws with a dash of that kindness that I mentioned. Right angry prophet? Your insight is valuable to me. You mentioned the kind of music a person likes has an influence on them. Thomas likes to make his own music on the saxophone and organ. When he was two the only show he would watch was the Pennsylvania Polka - old people dancing around to polka music. Got any ideas on what kind of adult he'll grow into!!?? So far he is an interestingly unique person!

A PICTURES WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS

Let me outta here!

We'll be home soon!

Home at last!

LEAVE IT TO BEAVER

I feel as if I am trapped in a Leave It To Beaver episode!

Last night my third grade daughter, Sarah, told me that she had something she wanted to tell me about and that I probably wouldn't think it was good. She explained that during recess she had been throwing her toys at a friend of hers while he was on the swing. Another girl joined in on the fun. After awhile my daughter stopped because she wanted to do something else. Since Sarah took her toys with her, the other girl decided to continue by using acorns instead. Along comes the teacher and yells at the girl for throwing things and punishes her by taking away her recess for a couple of days or so. Sarah was not caught so she got off scott free. I asked Sarah if she knew she was doing something wrong but decided to do it anyway. She said yes. I asked her if she stopped because she felt bad about doing something wrong. She said no, she just wanted to do something else. I asked her since she normally always does the right thing, why on this day did she decide to do something bad. She burst into tears and said she didn't know. She told me that she deserves to be punished and that she wanted Miss S. (the teacher) to know and to punish her. I told her that I would write a note to Miss S. but I asked Sarah how she would feel if Miss S. decided not to punish her. Sarah said she would be mad because she deserves to be punished. So I reluctantly wrote a letter to Miss S. explaining the situation and requested that she punish Sarah. I also told her that it would torture Sarah more to not be punished.

I know that I should be happy that I've raised such a conciencious little girl but in many ways I'm not. I think the entire thing is very bizarre! I can't remember the last time that I punished any of my kids. My husband jokingly told me that maybe that's why she wants to be punished. That's what she's missing in her life. I told him that I feel guilty because I think maybe I've done something to make her too good. I said she feels overly guilty. He said just like her mother....LOL!

I am not hard on my kids. I spoil them in many ways. They don't have to do any regular chores. I don't yell at them very much. Most of the time I clean up after them. I sometimes still pour drinks for my son who will be 13 years old on saturday. Pamper, spoil, overindulge that's my tendency. I know many people who are much tougher on their kids. Yet, its me who doesn't even have to punish my kids because they never do anything really bad. Yeah, they grate on my nerves, they sometimes bicker with each other, they whine but all I do is whine back and when it gets bad I yell. But nothing that they do really requires a true punishment.

Many times I've tried to figure out what I've done so right to make them so good and I just can't understand it. Many times I've wondered if being so good really is the right thing. One of the only things I can think of is that they are just reflecting back the kindness that I've shown them. The one thing that I know for sure is that I am kind to my children. Kindness influences every decision I make in raising them. Even when I have to do something "mean", I am doing it to be kind in the long run. I have never treated them like they are just children who need to be controlled. I've always thought of them as people with the same feelings that grown-ups have. When Sarah came to tell me about this incident, she didn't come in fear. She came to be comforted. She came to be hugged. To relieve her guilt about doing something wrong. She knew she could set things right and move on with life. She was confident that I wouldn't be overly upset. She is relieved and she is also proud of herself. That part of it makes me feel good.

We live in a world where many people do the wrong thing. Is there a place for my children who so much want to do the right thing? Of course I believe there is a place for them but I want to make sure that they take there place with an understanding that their goodness doesn't come at the price of their happiness. That many different people exist with many different value systems. I want them to know themselves, but also know and be wise about other people as well.

BACK TO SCHOOL

Of course like all parents I've been incredibly busy adjusting to the start of school. Its tough on the kids to get back into the swing of things but its hard on us parents too! I normally stay home with my kids so its weird to have them gone all day. I realized this year that I am not one of those parents doing a happy dance at the thought of having them gone. Oh sure, I laugh at all the funny commercials where the parents are overjoyed at the prospect of new found freedom. I especially like the one where the father is happily buying school supplies and the song in the background is "Its the most wonderful time of the year...". However, my laughter is a mask for my inner turmoil. I laugh on the outside, but on the inside I am crying. For those who don't know me, I'm being overly dramatic as a joke. Seriously, the start of school always makes me a bit sad. For the first two weeks I mope around the house pining away for my family. It almost feels like my footsteps are echoing through the empty rooms. Sounds that used to blend into the background now seem magnified. I usually try to go out somewhere on the first day. Then after that I resort to loud music or the TV. After a couple weeks or so I adjust and come to appreciate the extra time to catch up on things that never seem to get done. I'm almost there. Thank god, I'm sick of hearing the dog snore.

Beau

WHAT EVER WILL BE WILL BE

I lay in bed last night thinking about my children's futures.

I don't want to be the kind of parent that tries to totally control what they do with their life but on the other hand I want to help them make wise decisions. I don't want them spending their life struggling financially because they didn't go to college, yet I realize that many successful people did not go to college. I do realize that those successful people without some sort of secondary education are few and far between. So with that in mind, college is pretty much expected with the understanding that when the time comes the ultimate decision is their own.

Mostly what I was thinking about last night was that if I let them follow their hearts they will choose what suits them best. I know this because every little kid says "when I grow up, I want to be..." and when I think of the things that they have chosen it totally fits their personalities.

Thomas has shown an interest in engineering and I can imagine him growing up and becoming an engineer or scientist. He just loves learning new information and figuring out how things work. Erin can't decide, but at one time she wanted to be a teacher or nurse. She has such a nurturing personality that she'll do well in a field like that. Sarah wants to write AND illustrate children's books. She is so creative and funky that she should definitely pursue some sort of artistic career.

It would be easy for my husband and me to see Thomas become an engineer because we are both engineers. We will need to learn to step back and let Erin and Sarah choose their own paths. If you know engineers, you would realize how foreign artists can be to us!

Que sera sera...

IN SEARCH OF THE PERFECT BANANA

DANG IT! I just started writing about how I love to eat a perfect banana and you can guess why I just had to stop. I was also going to write about how I love perfect grapes too but now that I think about it, that just wouldn't sound right either. I was even going to write about how I used to love them before I had kids and that some how after I had kids I seemed to stop doing anything for myself including eating perfect bananas and grapes (much laughter inserted here) but those kids of mine read this blog...

Reminds me of one time when I was in highschool a teacher asked us to come up with a name for a mountain and one girl unwittingly named her mountain "Mount Me".

DRUG AND ALCOHOL TESTING

My son has started running cross country and on monday he has to go for drug and alcohol testing. Its supposed to be random, but it sounded like the entire team needs to be tested. I don't think that it should be allowed. When I told my son this he didn't understand why I felt this way. He is only in 7th grade so when I tried to explain it to him I needed to think in simple terms.

I explained to him that in order for the police to search you or your home, they need to have a probable cause. I explained what this meant and told him, just because you are on a sports team, doesn't mean that the school has a probable cause for suspecting that you have taken drugs or used alcohol. We can't live in a world that allows the people in power to decide that they can investigate anyone they want for whatever they want. If they don't need a valid reason to suspect someone of breaking the law, this opens the door for them to decide to harass people based on their race or religion, or for that matter any reason that they take a hankering to. I know many people would say that this is a big jump from drug and alcohol testing done on athletes. I just don't see the connection between someone wanting to be on an extracurricular activity (they include all activities in this "random" testing) and assuming that they may need to be tested for drugs. It's just a sneaky way for the school to try to tackle the problem of drugs in the schools. As far as I am concerned its the wrong way.

The school says that extracurricular activities are a priviledge and that the kids don't have to be involved in them so its justified for them to do the testing. Sounds like a cockamaney justification to me!

HEARTBURN CURE

When I was pregnant with my second child a woman in the checkout line at the grocery store gave me a weird cure for heartburn. You know that kind that really burns you in the center of your chest?! She told me to get a cup of hot water, as hot as you can stand it and drink it right down as quickly as you can. Since I was pregnant and didn't want to be taking medications, I tried it and for me it worked. I just used hot water from the tap. Sometimes I have to do it twice and I think once I had to do it three times but it has always worked even on the worse heartburn. I usually hesitate telling people because I always thought it was such a weird thing and no one would believe it would work. I am writing it today because I just had a chance to try it with my 11 year old daughter. She threw up yesterday a few times and today she had heartburn, probably everything is irritated. I of course didn't have the water as hot as it would be for me and she used only about 4 ounces of water, but after only two tries her heartburn was almost gone. She said hot water tastes yucky so didn't want to try that third time.

For me this cure actually works better than any medication. I'm always amazed that I can be in a lot of pain and it really makes it go away almost immediately. I only get heartburn occasionally and I wouldn't recommend this to anyone with chronic heartburn - you should see a doctor.

If you happen upon my blog and actually try this and it works for you, PLEASE let me know by commenting because I am really curious if it would work for others.

THE SIMPLE LIFE

I have come to realize that people see me as simple. People have even called me simple. Poor simple me.

Have you ever read one of those books where the big city person moves to the country and just loves the simple life and the simple country people? Somehow underlying all that admiration for the simple country folk is a certain feeling of superiority that they carry. As if the simple folk would not understand the complexities that they've left behind. As if a country person's IQ might not be high enough to navigate the more high tech world that they came from.

Some of us simple folk have a secret but you wouldn't believe us if we told you.

You can't learn to be simple. It's no use pretending to be simple. You just have to be simple.

It's harder than you think.

SEEING STARS

Just as school was ending in June, my son Thomas decided to spend his life savings on a telescope. So after much research on telescopes he decided on spending almost $300 on a Skyquest XT6.
Last night I talked him into bringing his telescope outside to look at the stars with me. I offered to lug the 34 pound monstrosity out to the front lawn. I was wondering about one star that was twinkling more than usual. I was hoping that it was a satellite but it wasn't moving. We looked at it and it was just your run of the mill star. Thomas told me that it was twinkling more because the sky was not that clear. No clouds, but not that crisp clear kind of sky that is best for star gazing. Since we had the telescope set up, we decided to peek around a bit. As we were watching an airplane fly by, I spotted a satellite!! I ran around like a mad woman finding our binoculars to see it a little better. He worked on viewing it with his telescope. How exciting! I grabbed a towel to lay on the ground because my neck was getting stiff. Thomas got his own towel and settled down next to me. We ended up spotting a few satellites (for your info a satellite looks like a star moving acrossed the sky and can be seen with your naked eye, try watching for them some time) and Thomas pointed out a few stars he knew and a planet or two. Thomas was happy to see some "shooting stars" that I now know are not stars at all. A meteoroid is a small piece of matter that orbits around the sun. A meteor is a meteoroid that is falling through the earths atmosphere (a "shooting star"). A meteorite is one that doesn't completely burn up in the atmosphere and reaches earth. I'd love to find one!
Thomas's new fascination has been fun for me too. I see he likes to teach me things that he knows. I've enjoyed learning some new things, but I've enjoyed the time with him even more. Someday it will be a different woman laying next to him. I wondered how long he'd continue to be willing to lay on a towel next to me gazing up at the universe. As I gaze into infinity, I let my mind imagine that these moments will also last for infinity.

HENNY PENNY

I'm not sure why Henny Penny ended up being more remembered than Chicken Little but we all remember that they were worried about the sky falling. You can read their story by clicking here. Just remember, while you are worrying about the sky falling, the fox might get you! Everyone needs to find an umbrella to shield us from life's unfounded worries...

MORE ON JUDGING

The other day I published the Symptoms of Inner Peace and I've still been thinking about the the symptoms having to do with judging. I see that actually there are four of them that really go along with this. The one about losing interest in judging self and others and the next two, the ones about losing interest in conflict and in interpreting the actions of others. These have always been important to me. Oh how I wish that I could stop worrying about what others think about me. Well, maybe its not that I worry about what others think about me, but it bothers me and annoys me that others judge me. When I think of this, I think about how I judge other people everyday. For me, its not enough to be accepting of what's politically correct. I'm talking about the little ways that we judge others. When we look at someone else and say "at least I'm not that bad". I'm thinner than that person, I'm a better mother, I'm stronger, I'm more organized, my house is cleaner.... When we compare ourself to others, it seems innocent enough, but we are still judging them in order to make ourselves feel better. I guess I torture myself because I am aware of other people doing this to me. Then I end up resenting the fact that they are using my inadequacies to bolster their own confidence. Along these same lines, sometimes someone makes an observation about us and we think "why did that make me feel unhappy, was it an insult, it doesn't really seem like an insult". If we start analyzing what they said we find that it is an insult disguised as a compliment.

I'm trying to find a way to deal with these situations and I am really at a loss as to what to do. I've decided that the snappy comeback is not what I want to do. I feel that would just be another way of judging the same people who are judging me. I realize that saying nothing is what I want to do but that leaves me with the thoughts inside my head. The thoughts of annoyance and resentment. It usually goes like this for me. First I think of how I am much better than they think I am. Then it snowballs into me realizing that I'm so much better than they realize that I'm actually better than them. Not exactly a symptom of inner peace. I'd call it more of a symptom of inner superiority. It may make me feel better in the short term and shows that I have confidence. However, its a false sense of confidence. One that doesn't give a lasting sense of peace. I can't allow my confidence to be based on being better than other people.

INNER PEACE

THE SYMPTOMS OF INNER PEACE

1. A tendency to think and act spontaneously rather than from fears based on past experiences.
2. An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment.
3. A loss of interest in judging self.
4. A loss of interest in judging others.
5. A loss of interest in conflict.
6. A loss of interest in interpreting the actions of others.
7. A loss of ability to worry (this is a very serious symptom).
8. Frequent, overwhelming episodes of appreciation.
9. Contented feelings of connectedness with others and nature.
10. Frequent attacks of smiling through the eyes of the heart.
11. Increasing susceptibility to love extended by others as well as the uncontrollable urge to extend it.
12. An increasing tendency to let things happen rather than to make them happen.

By Mr. and Mrs. Jeff Rockwell

This is written on a scrap of paper that I have been carrying around for years. I am not a person who saves a lot of things but each time I read this, it makes so much sense to me. Over the years I have sometimes had some of the symptoms and sometimes they go away. I've never had all the symptoms at the same time. Some of them are difficult for me to accept. How can I be spontaneous when I know bad things could happen? How can I extend and accept love freely when sometimes I feel unlovable? The two about losing interest in judging self and others seem especially important to me but also are the most difficult to incorporate into everyday life. When I feel judged I automatically get defensive and judge right back. It would help me immensly if I could lose my interest in interpreting the actions of others. There are some that are sometimes very strong in me and other times seem to vanish. Like the one about appreciation, sometimes I feel so lucky and other times so unhappy with my life, yet things haven't changed at all. All the unhappiness is just inside me. There have been times that I read this list everyday and times that it gets misplaced for awhile. No matter where the list ends up this elusive peace has been my lifetime goal.

peace.

THE INCREDIBLE PUKING DOG!

My dog Beau in a healthier moment!

BOB AND DEREK

My two kitties Bob on top and Derek on the bottom. Just in case you thought that toy box was a miniature, its not, they are just really big cats!

SAM

This is my cousin's horse, Sam, that we get to ride every year when we visit them in NH. Her other horse, Zip (Sam's mom) is the one that I ride. Zip is not very zippy!

604,800 SECONDS OF HAPPINESS SAVED!

I just read a quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson on another blog. "For every minute you are angry, you lose sixty seconds of happiness." Well, last night I think I lost 10,800 seconds of happiness. Dang! I really have got to work on this! Actually it was sort of a worrying kind of anger thing. You see I have this problem. When someone takes advantage of me I have this absurd habit of worrying about their feelings. I try to stick up for myself, but I am so bad at it that I literally spend hours worrying how best to approach the subject. All that worrying makes me angry at them as well as myself. How sick is that? I guess I need to give myself credit for the fact that in the past I would not stick up for myself and end up resenting the person who took advantage of me. This most recent problem would have possibly involved being resentful for an entire week of my summer vacation...That thought is what kept me awake last night losing happiness. And that thought is what prompted me to stand up for myself. I also need to give myself credit for the fact that once I do stand up for myself I take on the attitude of what is done is done and I no longer lose happiness over the problem. By standing up for myself I saved 604,800 seconds of happiness! Hooray!!

ANOTHER DOG STORY

We went on our yearly camping trip to Knoebel's Campground and amusement park. We left monday. Tom left at 10:00 am with the kids and camper. I left later. Why you might ask? I had to stay home to let the dog's stomach recover from his night of digestive distress. Have you ever had the early morning joy of coming down stairs to the sight of 12 piles of nasty looking dog puke? At least I think it was puke. It may have been something from the other end, it smelled bad enough! It may have been a combination of the two ends. All I know is that I couldn't yell at the poor pathetic dog that was huddled by the front door in the only spot that wasn't covered in grossness. Three rolls of paper towels later I realized that I would also need to steam clean the carpet in two of the infected areas...the other two rooms were wood and linoleum. The pee that he released was the easy part. Not sure if he peed himself out of fear that he was in trouble for the other mess or if he was just having a total breakdown of his bodily functions. Sigh. I cleaned the mess, did my steam cleaning and stayed home with him until I was pretty certain that a road trip would not cause a relapse. I wish I had a picture of my expression coming down those stairs in the morning...

THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING

July fifth was one of those windy beach days where you come back from the beach cold but still sticky from the salt blowing around in the air. I was walking back to my bungalow with my youngest daughter Sarah and her friend Krissy in tow. Erin was still at the beach with Krissy's mom and her two other kids. Thomas and my husband Tom had taken advantage of the wind and planned on spending the entire afternoon on our sailboat. The only thing on my mind was a hot shower. I could almost feel the warmth of the water washing all the salt away.

I glanced down the street and saw my husband approaching. Hmmm, I guess sailing wasn't so great and he decided not to sail all the way to the bridge. Strangely, I remember first looking at his feet and wondering why they were moving so fast. As my gaze slowly worked its way up his body I could see how fast he was moving. Not a run but a purposeful, brisk pace. When my eyes reached his face I immediately knew something was wrong. In a moment I could see everything, his drenched clothes, the pain in his expression, the knowledge that something terrible had happened. Things became surreal. And I screamed "what happened to HIM". But it wasn't a real scream. More of a primal wail, not hysterical like you might expect. I remember thinking, whose voice is this? Was it agony or anger making it sound that way? Where was MY son? Was he dead? It was only later that I realized he was not MY son but OUR son? My first reaction was based only on a pure and primitive maternal instinct. I needed to protect my son, but it was too late. I was helpless. Unable to change what had already happened. As every mother does, I imagined the worse. The possiblilities came shooting through my mind like bullets.

Almost immediately my husband held up his hands and said "he's alright". Mercifully, he gave me the knowledge that Thomas was alive but my adrenaline rush would not allow me to slow down. I began to drill him with questions. Was he in the hospital? If he's not in the hospital is he in the house? My panic was mixed with confusion. I couldn't stop until I knew where he was.

The wind had picked up almost as soon as they began sailing. Without even making it acrossed the bay once my husband decided that they should abandon their journey. Before he even tried to turn around he knew it would be difficult. As it turned out, it would be impossible. Trying to turn five times resulted in capsizing the sailboat three times. The ropes became hopelessly tangled. A passing boater stopped to assist them. Thomas was getting tired and cold and asked if he could rest on his boat while his dad straightened things out with the sailboat. Little did my husband know as he was trying to get things back in order the would be rescuer had troubles of his own. They drifted further and further apart. They tried but were unable to signal to my husband that the boat's engine had died. Confused as to why the boater was leaving with Thomas my husband tried to reassure himself that the man was a good person for trying to help and would try to return Thomas to shore. Before they had drifted out of view, Thomas looked relaxed and happy so he was sure that when he finally got the sailboat back home he would be greeted by his son. He finally had to give up with the sail and paddle the boat home. His paddle had broken so he was happy when an off duty tow boat was kind enough to tow him back. His fears started to get the better of him when Thomas was not home as he had hoped.

That brings us up to our encounter in the street outside our bungalow. As I heard the story and embraced Tom in a hug I realized we needed to call the police. Fortunately, the boater had a cell phone and had also called in so it was only about a half hour before we knew the situation and could get directions to the marina where he was being towed.

Thomas was very glad to see us. He knew he was safe but just said he REALLY missed us. Tom and I needed to calm down from the shock. Each of us had been scared for different reasons. Tom because although he assumed Thomas was safe, he was still missing. Me because there was a moment where I believed he was dead. That moment was less than a minute but felt like an eternity. I can still imagine the feeling washing over me like a tidal wave, crushing me in emotional agony making it difficult for my heart to go on beating. A moment that I'm glad had an ending. I weep for the people who have those moments that don't end. How hard it must be for their hearts to go on beating.

HOME SWEET HOME

It's great to be back in Pennsylvania! Even though its our second "home" in New Jersey, I can only stand being there for so long before I need to come back to the tranquility of Pennsylvania! No traffic, no crowds, just peace and quiet. And the deer that came up on my porch and ate my petunias. Guess they didn't mind climbing the steps! I was looking forward to seeing some blooms on them since I grew them from seeds I collected last summer. Sigh. Well, everything is definitely green compared to the Jersey shore area even my pool that is very yucky looking. A lot of algae, but I'm already working on it. Hopefully it won't take too long to get it back to normal...

I've got to go to bed since I need to wake up and take the kitties to the vet in the morning! Then on to the hairdresser's with my daughter for much needed haircuts.

Its good to be home....

GOING TO THE BEACH

Going to the Jersey Shore for awhile. Be back in a couple of weeks. Just in time to pay the vet to look over my two kitties. And for the orthodontist to torture two of my kiddies. We recovered from "phase one" of literally stretching their tiny little mouths out. Now within months they are entering "phase two". Phase two was a bit more pricey than phase one. For two kids with small mouths the grand total for both phases is over $12,500. That doesn't include what I've paid to have many of their baby teeth ripped out by the oral surgeon....
It all sounds so terrible, but really I'm glad that I have the money to give them the gift of a normal looking mouth. With my kids it wouldn't have been just a question of cosmetics. Their teeth were desperately overcrowded. I keep checking kiddo number three's mouth. Not looking so great...
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

For now I will just focus on V-A-C-A-T-I-O-N!!!

TONIGHT I MISSED MY HUSBAND

You know what, the dishes don't just float from the table into the dishwasher! They get there by way of my husbands hands. After getting sucked into the computer, I realized that the dishes were not in the dishwasher! Oh yeah, Tom's on a business trip. I don't just get to cook and leave the table messy! Missing you poopsie! We ate, spaghetti and meatballs, and did you know that if you don't rinse the dishes that the dishwasher gets kinda orange? Inside joke with Tom and me. How many times has his father told us this fact (about the orange dishwasher problem)? When we were younger Tom and I had a standard rule that once you repeated something three times you would no longer be able to tell that story again. Now that we are both in our 40's (eek!) we have to work to stick to the three time rule. But apparently, as with his father once you hit your 70's and 80's you can keep repeating the story over and over and over and over....don't forget to rinse the spaghetti sauce off your dishes.

DO YOU LIKE YOURSELF?

Recently I asked my kids some questions at a time when I was alone with each of them.

My first question was, "Do you like yourself?"
Each of them answered yes without hesitation.

My second question was, "What things about yourself make you like yourself?"
Thomas answered "because I am a good person".
Erin answered "that I'm nice, Erica thinks I'm funny, but I know I'm not funny".
Sarah answered "how I am with other people, I'm nice to them and because I'm smart".

Then I asked if they thought that I liked them.
They all answered yes.

Then I asked what things did they think made me like them.
Thomas answered "that I'm a good person, is that what you want me to say?" I told him that I didn't want him to say anything except what he really thought.
Erin answered "that I'm good and nice to people".
Sarah answered "that I'm me".

Finally I asked what they thought other people liked about them.
Thomas answered "hmmm, these are hard questions, I'm going to have to think about that".
Erin answered "that I'm a good friend".
Sarah answered "the same things that I like about me".

ME AND MY IDEAS

An issue came up recently with my 11 year old daughter Erin that prompted me to contemplate how I have parented my children. I am happy with how I am raising my children and I feel no need to defend it nor brag about any successes that I've had in raising them. I choose to write about it here simply because I want to. Even in the short time that I have been blogging my reasons for my blog have evolved. I like to write and when I started this blog I thought it would be a perfect outlet and maybe I could write things that would be interesting or funny to other people. That would still be nice. However, it requires an effort to get other people to visit your blog and then its hard to worry about whether other people actually enjoy what you've written. Now I'm just writing mainly for myself. And I hope one day my children will enjoy it too. So if you do happen to read this, remember this is something I want to write and remember.

The issue Erin had concerned her observations of how another parent was disciplining their child (her best friend). It started a very involved discussion that began that day between her and I. It spilled over into the next day and ended up including all three of my kids.

I started out by telling her that the way I am as a parent is different from 95% of other parents. Her friend would survive her punishment. That's just the way life is.

Then we discussed the way I parent:

I see my children as people. I see them as my equal in many ways. They deserve to be treated as I would treat another adult. In some ways they are not my equal. I have more wisdom than them so I need to teach them how they should behave in the world. In some ways they are better than me. In their innocence, they always try their hardest to be good people. I don't really think I try as hard as them and in that way, they are better than me.

I have told them to do some things just because I said so. But in general that is not my philosophy. I am one of those annoying people who discuss and explain everything. That does not mean that I let them get away with things.

I do sometimes scream and yell and go crazy. I do frequently apologize when my reaction is out of line with whatever they did wrong. I tell them I still think they did something wrong, but I was grumpy so I got a bit out of control on the yelling thing. I started the apologizing thing when I realized that I would never be able to totally stop yelling. I'm sometimes impatient, sometimes I get a headache, so sometimes I yell!!

I made up three rules when my kids were little and I've never had to add any.
1. Never hurt someone physically.
2. Never hurt someone with your words.
3. Always be safe in whatever you are doing.

These rules don't just apply to them, but they also apply to me. Therefore, I have never hit or spanked my kids. I used to be annoying and get on my soapbox a bit about it because I felt a need to defend my no spanking position. I no longer feel that need. I used to have a special hold to restrain my son when he was trying to attack me when he was young.
I can only remember saying something really mean once. I told my daughter that she was being a mean and nasty little girl. It hurt me as it was coming out of my mouth. How mean and nasty was I being?
Hmm. The safety one, maybe I'm not so good about that one. Hee! Hee!

I have never had any regular chores for my kids. I expect them to help me whenever I ask them to but its not very often. They almost never make their beds, for that matter neither do I!!

I have never forced them to eat anything. Sometimes they want soda or koolaid with their breakfast and I let them have it. They love broccoli and spinach and almost all vegetables. Sometimes they want just a banana for dessert. My only guideline with eating is that they can't eat all junk and no good stuff. I did not breastfeed. I tried for five days with my last munchkin before I decided it was not for me. Here's the real kicker, I really don't think it mattered.

My only guideline for clothes is that they need to have clean undies and no dressing sexy for school. Nothing needs to match and a stain here and there is no big deal.

Never had a rule about no toy guns.

They could jump on the beds until they weighed 50 or so pounds. They still climb all over the couches.

Now that they are older (8, 11 and 12 years old), I can't remember the last time that I punished them. Even when they were little, all they ever had to do was go to their room for a little while.

Many people over the years have judged my decisions. You need to spank them. They don't eat enough. Don't you think you could try a little harder to breastfeed? I could see many people gritting their teeth and holding back judgements.

All those years of going against the grain of standard parenting ideas. But in the end, I'm happy, they are happy, and things have worked out just fine. I just smile and nod when someone tells me how great my kids behave. How I've done such a great job raising them. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. I wish I had known that for all those years.

MORE COMPETITION

Don't you hate it when you confide to a friend about a problem and they come back with a story of their own just to top your story? What's the scoop with that? My problem is way worse than your problem. My childhood was way worse than your childhood. My in-laws are way more annoying than yours. My family is way more wacky than your family. Ecetera.

Is this problem competition? Hardship competition? Insanity competition?

Friendship Rule #1: When a friend confides in you, just be supportive. Resist the urge to one-up them with a worse scenario from your own personal experience.
Important phrases to memorize: "Wow, really?!" "I know what you mean!" "How terrible it must have been for you!"

Just for the record, my family is definitely WAY crazier than yours, so there! Somehow winning that competition just doesn't feel right...

SUCH A NICE MOM

Today Sarah came to me and asked if she could cut the hair on more of her plastic ponies. I'm talking about the "pretty ponies" that purposely have really long hair so you can have fun brushing it. I already had let her trim a few awhile back. I asked her if she was really okay with them having short hair. She said yes, so I said go ahead, they're your ponies. She then told me that I was "such a nice mom" and ran off to make all her ponies bald. Its as simple as that. Her compliment warmed my heart.

I've often pondered why I have so much trouble accepting compliments from other people in my life. I'm still not sure why I cringe when someone says something nice to me. I almost always feel as if it has other meanings and is only disguised as a compliment. If someone tells me it looks like I lost weight I can only think how they must have thought I looked fat before. If they tell me my children are well behaved I wonder what they'd think if they saw them in a moment when they weren't being well behaved. Sometimes I feel a compliment is a person's way of telling me that today I have succeeded in fitting into society but be careful about tomorrow. If they notice how good I am, they would definitely notice if I wasn't being so good. I'm reading between the lines and I don't like what's written there. Since I've slowly grown more secure in myself as a person, and I have less of a need for compliments, I think my tolerance for insincerity has gone down.

Sarah's compliment was heartfelt and simple. And that's why its so easy to accept.

THE MOST WHINEY PARENT AWARD

I hate those end of the school year award ceremonies. Every year is the same thing for me. I force myself to go to each ceremony for all three of my kids. The first one that I attend, I sit quietly for the first half trying to control myself, then I can no longer contain myself and start saying obnoxious remarks to whoever happens to be sitting next to me. Then I come home and start to rant at my family about how stupid the awards are. The next one I go to I start to whine to the person next to me as soon as I sit down. I come home with a headache. The headache continues until the end of the third one. Then I'm free at last, thank gawd I'm free at last!

For the record, my kids always get at least one award. They have been blessed with the ability to get good grades. But what about the kids that aren't able to get A's? What about the quiet kids that are great people but don't have the personalities to be the citizen of the year? What about the kids that play in the band and orchestra but don't have the talent to be outstanding? I know that some kids are motivated to perform because of the possibility of receiving one of those awards. Is that the message that we want to give them? Awards when you are a grown-up are few and far between but you still need to go to work everyday. You still need to get up every day and meet your responsibilities. I think a kind word or compliment from their teacher would be much better.

Award ceremonies are fine for the people who have kids that get awards but not so great for ones that don't. I have tried to put myself in their shoes. I guess I like to root for the underdog. I don't think that those underdogs should have to keep cheering for the "winners". By the way, if you are an underdog, I think you'll be the real winner in the long run! You'll learn to live your life to make yourself happy and not be looking for a pat on the back all the time.

Why do I go? Because it makes my kids happy. Don't ask me why it makes them happy, because by now they know its going to make me rant and rave for days.

What do you think? I don't want to be the only one ranting! Even if you are going to rant against me, I want to hear, just keep it clean please. Maybe you'll open my eyes to another point of view.

FATHER'S DAY

I'm publishing my Father's Day post a week early in the hopes that the people who do read my blog will have a week to consider how they would like to thank the fathers in their life. Men can seem like they are a lot different than women, but I think that a few words telling them the things that we appreciate would mean a lot!

The following is an article that I had published in a local paper 5 years ago. Somehow as I read it, its a bit disappointing to me. I seem to have trouble finding the words to show my appreciation for all that my husband does. Yet, the times that I am grumpy, I don't seem to have trouble finding the words to complain...

My husband is one of those people who is constantly busy. He's always doing some job around the house and still never complains when I say "do you think you could do...". He's a GREAT father who wants his kids to have happy memories of fishing, boating, camping, etc.. He leaves some aspects of parenting to me but I think that he truly believes that those are things that I do better (unfortunately, yelling is definitely something that I do better!) He has incredible patience with the kids and with me. With all that he does, he still is able to find the energy to show appreciation for all the things that I do. He constantly compliments me on how I look, how well I cook and how good of a mother I am. I don't give him much opportunity to compliment me on keeping a clean house, yet he never complains about the mess. I don't always take the time to show the appreciation that I feel.

Tom, you are GREAT!! I do feel appreciation for the husband and father that you have been all these years! I could never find the right words to show just how wonderful I think you are, but I hope you know!

Happy Father’s Day

I spend a lot of time telling my husband what he’s doing wrong. No, twinkies are not considered a vegetable. No, a four year old shouldn’t be climbing a twenty-foot ladder. I feel it’s my duty to inform him about these shortcomings so that he has a chance to correct them. The layman’s term for this is nagging. Although I may make him feel incompetent I have to admit the kids do just as well with him watching them as they do with me. They haven’t had any serious accidents while with him even though I’ve walked in on many situations that made my eyes bug out. Can it be that a father is just as good as a mother? My six year old recently helped answer that question when she asked that her Dad accompany her to the hospital when she needed to have tubes put into her ears. I thought she would be upset without me but she was just as happy with Dad’s hugs and comfort, as she would have been with mine.
I see many fathers today who step in and get involved with all aspects of parenting. They nurture, they discipline, they change diapers but most significant of all I even see some who feel guilt! We mothers have felt guilty about everything from yelling too much to giving our kids candy for breakfast. Its nice to know fathers can experience the same joy of worrying that we do.
Father’s Day is a good time to notice all those little things our husbands do. My husband is like a little elf following me around straightening up and helping out. He probably does not realize how much I appreciate what he does. When he goes on business trips I’m reminded of just how much he does do. For example, when he’s home he always remembers to close the garage door. When he’s gone all the local wildlife jumps for joy because they know I’ll forget and they can feast on our garbage! That’s just one of many things he does to make life easier.
We all seem to let our lives get so hectic that we don’t take time to say thank you for everyday things. Thanks for taking out the garbage, thanks for loading the dishwasher, thanks for reading to the kids, thanks for closing that garage door. This Father’s Day we should all say thanks and maybe we can resolve to do it more frequently. That’s better than any funny looking tie we could buy!

GEESH, I DON'T NEED THIS

I got home tonight from my daughters singing concert at 8:30 pm. She stepped on this mutilated piece of plastic and after a moment I figured out what it was. It was a dog chewed plastic ant hotel. You know the kind with POISON in them! Geesh! My head hurts. He seems to be alert and breathing fine, the dog I mean. It doesn't look like he could have gotten much poison. And this late, there isn't anyplace I can go or call anyway. With my luck, he'll probably just get some digestive problems. Did I mention my head hurts? His name is Beau, and sometimes we like to call him Bozo or would that be Beau-zo? Like now. Like when he gets sprayed by a skunk. Like when he does all those other stupid things dogs like to do. My head hurts...

THE BREAKFAST CLUB

Some mothers that I know invited me to start joining them in their monthly breakfasts at the Donut Connection. I have to tell you, I have totally enjoyed my time with them. We all have different personalities, but we get along like a bunch of peas in a pod. We talk, we complain, we laugh and at our last breakfast we cried, well, a couple of us got something in our eye... You may be thinking we were sad because now it is summer and we will not be having our breakfasts. No, it was not that, nor was it the fact that one of our members is moving down south.

It seemed to be the day of bad news. One woman just found out that her husband has cancer, this coming only a couple years after her own miraculous recovery from a stroke. Another woman chose to be quiet about her own recent diagnosis of stomach cancer. Maybe worse of all was the mother who needed to bring her son to have an MRI because he has lost much of his periphreal vision. We said a prayer for them and for the mother who is not in our breakfast club, but was at the same moment undergoing surgery for two brain tumors and an aneurysm.

We didn't talk a lot about anyone's specific problem. I think it may have been because everyone just wanted a moment to be happy, to not have to think about their battles. For me that's what the breakfast club has always been about, one morning in my month that does not feel like a struggle. A time that I can laugh at the stress. A time when I don't feel judged. I am saddened by the fact that my friends now have to face these tremendous challenges but am heartened by the fact that maybe our little club has given them a moment of peace.

Support, hope, friendship.

Good luck my friends.

WHAT IS HAPPENING TO MY BRAIN?

In order to write this I needed to start a file with just a title at a time that I had it in my mind but not enough time to start writing it otherwise I wouldn't even remember to write it. If that first sentence doesn't make sense to you, don't worry it doesn't really make sense to me and at this point I don't know if it should make sense to me! My brain is no longer functioning in the same way it did 13 years ago. I can only remember that things have been...different...for that long because that was when I was pregnant for the first time. I clearly remember (the fact that a memory from that long ago is clear is a miracle in itself!) saying to myself, once I have the baby, then my mind will get back to normal. Its been a downhill slide ever since.

I like to mask my anxiety with laughter, but in reality, I'm very disturbed by my declining cognitive function. I have found myself doing such idiotic things. I know you want to hear about some of those idiotic things because I absolutely love to hear about other people's "brain farts". That's what my friend likes to call them. When I hear that other people my age are suffering from a similar mental decline I take comfort in hearing their stories. Are my brain farts louder than theirs? Maybe theirs are more stinky! I willingly admit that I analyze these things in a pathetic attempt at making myself feel better. Sorry guys, your dementia is my ego boost. I know someone, lets call her Diana, who put 12 eggs in some brownies she was baking. My only reaction was that maybe, just maybe I haven't done anything that bad yet. Of course, I probably have and just am so far gone that I didn't even realize it. For all I know my husband's high cholesterol is a result of my own egg faux paus.

I've got to stop writing for now because my mind is starting to go blank. Yes, I'm serious...