MORE ON JUDGING

The other day I published the Symptoms of Inner Peace and I've still been thinking about the the symptoms having to do with judging. I see that actually there are four of them that really go along with this. The one about losing interest in judging self and others and the next two, the ones about losing interest in conflict and in interpreting the actions of others. These have always been important to me. Oh how I wish that I could stop worrying about what others think about me. Well, maybe its not that I worry about what others think about me, but it bothers me and annoys me that others judge me. When I think of this, I think about how I judge other people everyday. For me, its not enough to be accepting of what's politically correct. I'm talking about the little ways that we judge others. When we look at someone else and say "at least I'm not that bad". I'm thinner than that person, I'm a better mother, I'm stronger, I'm more organized, my house is cleaner.... When we compare ourself to others, it seems innocent enough, but we are still judging them in order to make ourselves feel better. I guess I torture myself because I am aware of other people doing this to me. Then I end up resenting the fact that they are using my inadequacies to bolster their own confidence. Along these same lines, sometimes someone makes an observation about us and we think "why did that make me feel unhappy, was it an insult, it doesn't really seem like an insult". If we start analyzing what they said we find that it is an insult disguised as a compliment.

I'm trying to find a way to deal with these situations and I am really at a loss as to what to do. I've decided that the snappy comeback is not what I want to do. I feel that would just be another way of judging the same people who are judging me. I realize that saying nothing is what I want to do but that leaves me with the thoughts inside my head. The thoughts of annoyance and resentment. It usually goes like this for me. First I think of how I am much better than they think I am. Then it snowballs into me realizing that I'm so much better than they realize that I'm actually better than them. Not exactly a symptom of inner peace. I'd call it more of a symptom of inner superiority. It may make me feel better in the short term and shows that I have confidence. However, its a false sense of confidence. One that doesn't give a lasting sense of peace. I can't allow my confidence to be based on being better than other people.