I've noticed the general trend with my blog lately tends to be a whine fest. That's odd because my mood has been quite good lately. So, with that in mind I've decided to write a post that is more reflective of my current state.
I absolutely love where I live! I don't usually go out in the evenings but whenever I do, I often feel a sense of gratitude driving along our lonely country roads. For some reason the feeling of the darkness enveloping me feels cozy. No street lights to blaze the way. I just have to trust that the road in front of me will continue. I wonder how the many twists and turns in my life have brought me to this little piece of Pennsylvania. Remembering how many times I had looked down while flying in a jet plane and marveling how many lives I was seeing and now thinking I was just one of those. A transplant from New Hampshire, I'm still able to enjoy the four seasons. However, the somewhat milder environment in Pennsylvania brings me a peace both physically and mentally. I smile to think of the life I've carved out here. It's all mine. No one else told me to live in Pennsylvania. It is my chosen land. For me nothing is better than hiking in one of our lush forests to find a rushing waterfall at the end of the trail. Wiggling our toes in the frigid mountain stream. In the winter seeing frozen scenery worthy of a photograph but knowing that a picture isn't necessary because tomorrow will bring another view just as beautiful. I love our mountains and I love my little dirt road, dust and all. I think of all the sweat I have poured into our five and one third acres and our rambling house. Remembering each project completed, or not. Our choice to finish or leave it for another day. Thinking of our kids, the family we created. Knowing I am loved. Wrapping myself in a quilt and snuggling up in front of the fire. Watching the flames and knowing that this is the happiness that I've created. My greatest accomplishment so far.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Monday, December 19, 2005
POLITICS
In my opininion the problem with our country does not lie with the president. The problem is with the people who believe him. He has a way of turning everything into a patriotic issue. Let's stand together as Americans and fight!!! Hoorah! Since many Americans are very patriotic they jump right on his bandwagon. Let's trust that he will analyze the finer details and we will blindly follow him into battle. The part that scares me is if this little housewife in Pennsylvania could see the fault in his grand scheme, why couldn't enough other people see it to stop him. How can we stop the president? Not elect him for a second term. But he did get elected and that's what scared me. People still don't see that Sadam Hussein was just a scared little man in a hole in the ground. Eighteen year old kids are dying to destroy the threat that hid in a hole in the ground. Now the president has convinced people that we are helping the Iraqi people and that's why we went in the first place. Do you know how many people need help in this world? We could help in a lot of places where we wouldn't need sodiers to die. The only blessing in this is that Iraq is keeping the president busy so he doesn't do something more stupid. And believe me this housewife can think of plenty more stupid things....
Clinton with his preference for interns is looking pretty good right now...
Clinton with his preference for interns is looking pretty good right now...
Sunday, December 18, 2005
SPREADING GOOD CHEER
Since I did such a good job at torturing the orthodontist I decided I would search for another unsuspecting victim. Last monday I found my mark. The poor, innocent service clerk at the grocery store. My christmas cards (photo kind) were supposed to be ready by saturday so surely they would be there monday morning! Afterall, there were signs posted all over the place that said 5 days guaranteed or free. Not here yet. Hmmm. Well, how do I get them for free under the guarantee I asked sweetly. Let me see when they went out she mumbled. They went out tuesday. I informed her that I had dropped them off on monday and even joked with the cashier that she was my witness that I was there before 10:00 am. Well, they went out tuesday. I pointed out that even if that was the case then they should have been in on sunday. We don't get deliveries on sunday. Well, you shouldn't have a sign that says you do. Enter annoying girl from back. After running through all the same info with her she informed me that she couldn't be responsible if there was a snowstorm or traffic and the photo guy didn't show up. There wasn't a snowstorm and traffic, HAH! We live in the middle of no where! She told me that this had nothing to do with the grocery store and the photo company had to deal with it. I asked her what she normally does when someone has a question about the guarantee. She said I was the first person ever to ask about it in the entire history of the store. I hardly think so! So, being treated like an idiot/criminal at the store was not enough punishment for me, I had to call the photo company and whine to them. The wonderful associate Cynthia, helped me solve my problem. The grocery store was to give me my photo cards for free and then take down all the offending guarantee signage! I don't think anyone is super mad at me because I joked when I went back, that the grocery store was thinking of making up a rule that I would only be allowed in the store every five days. They got a kick out of that. I guess saving $30 was worth my hassle. All the more money to spend at the orthodontist!
Friday, December 16, 2005
ADOLESCENTS
I'm coming to think that our job as parents when dealing with adolescents is to remain calm. If we allow ourselves to become upset and our feelings to be hurt then we risk causing a grudge that may last for a long time. This is coming from a parent that does get her feelings hurt. Whenever I am told that I'm not being fair I think of all my efforts to be fair and think it was all for naught. In my better parenting moments I can take a deep breath and know that it will all blow over in a day or two. Their bodies are starting to go through so many changes and their minds as well. Its hard for them to be this age. Its hard when you want to cry at the slightest problem. My job becomes easier when I remind myself of these things. I'm also trying to teach them that they need to buckle down and ride out this difficult change and realize that some times they will have these unhappy feelings and that's just the way life is. I'm hoping that my "better parenting moments" will end up counteracting my not so great ones and that we'll all come out at the other end without any serious wounds!
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
ORTHODONTIST
I just have to post about my recent orthodontist woes! Something I want to forget, but should remember.
My first two kids had very small mouths, so much so that it was obvious that they would have severe problems with their teeth if I did not do something. Begin "Phase I". Phase I involved an orthodontic appliance that was meant to apply constant outward pressure to their teeth while their mouths are still growing to make them grow more than what they normally would. We survived Phase I and have now entered Phase II. Braces. Now that we've spent all the time and money to make their mouths bigger I've been informed that two of their top teeth are too small and in order to make the top teeth and bottom teeth line up in a perfect bite, they will need to leave spaces around these two teeth and then build them up using veneers....sigh. This is the case for both kids.
I began to ask myself if this would be the wisest choice. I have a veneer and know that they don't last forever. How important is a perfect bite? Is it worth the life long hassle of maintaining veneers? Just how bad would their bite be? These are questions that I decided to pose to my orthodontist (Dr. R). Simple enough. Well, the first time I brought it up he said thank you and wrote in my sons chart that I did not want to go with veneers and made me sign below that note. I guess I was signing to be responsible for those possible "dental problems" he would have in "50 years" caused by on imperfect bite??!! Not very much discussion. Me, I need to talk, discuss, beat a subject to death. So I decided at the next visit I would ask for the other orthodontist's opinion (Dr. E) and at the same time get a couple of new questions that I had answered.
This is where things began to fall apart. I requested that Dr. E see Thomas first because his chart had the note in it, then we would apply our decision to Erin if appropriate. We had just gotten to the point where Dr. E was going to tell me just how bad Thomas's bite would be when Dr. R interrupted to tell her to work on the patient next to us. He told the technician what needed to be done on Erin. So, while Erin was being worked on, I worked on closing my mouth because my jaw had dropped open when he had redirected Dr. E in the middle of my converstation with her. Once I got my jaw under control, I decided to use it to pick up my unfinished discussion with Dr. R since he was the one now working on Thomas. He started to get annoyed at me and said "you can't have it both ways, you can't close those spaces up and get a perfect bite at the same time". I told him that I didn't want it both ways, I just wanted to know if I was making a terrible decision. If the veneers are mostly for a good cosmetic look I don't want to do them. I just want to know how important the perfect bite is. He was still annoyed and said he would never let me make a really bad decision. I started to tell him that I didn't get that feeling when he had made me sign the note in Thomas's chart. He tried to interrupt me part way through until I said "I'm trying to tell you how I felt when I left last time". I think it may have been at this point that he stood up as if he was going to walk off and said "fine". I looked him in the eye and said "I feel like you are shutting me out right at this moment". Somehow I managed to get him to sit down and hopefully he decided to listen to my concerns. I ended up feeling about 90 percent certain that my decision is the right one but unfortunately, because of the tone of the entire discussion I'm not sure that he's telling me the truth. I'm afraid its possible that he is just telling me what he thinks I want to hear to shut me up.
I'm not sure at what point I realized that everyone in the room was lurking in the background watching this circus. I wasn't yelling, but you could definitely describe our discussion as "heated". In light of the fact that I still needed my questions answered, I persevered. My visit lasted about an hour so obviously I've only covered the main points in this post.
This has nothing to do with anything, but I needed to look up persevered to make sure of the spelling and saw "persnickety" and it directs you to "pernickety" and it means having extremely exacting standards. Neat word.
I think one problem lies in the fact that Dr. R opened the practice and hired Dr. E later on. I think he still sees her as just an employee although she has worked there for a few years now. She is opening her own practice and only works at his office one day a week. I doubt I will ever be able to get her professional opinion on anything.
Fortunately, at this point I still feel that the treatment that they have received has been fine and nothing has been done that's wrong or harmful. The only problem I have experienced is this one and I see it as a personality conflict that I've dealt with to the best of my ability. Unfortunately, I've paid for their braces and am sort of stuck with Dr. R. I know that I could leave and lose some money but I don't think the situation is that bad. The good thing is that if this is the wrong decision it is something that can be fixed easily with braces later on.
My kids had a valuable lesson in standing up for yourself. On the funny side Thomas must have been feeling my pain during the situation because at one point he blurted out "your doing great mom!" I love that kid! Its nice that they are getting old enough to understand what's going on and give me their perspective on the situation. Its validating to know that I wasn't imagining things or overreacting to what I was experiencing. Erin said she couldn't believe how rude he was being to me. Thomas confirmed that he was just yessing me to death at first but then finally started to tell me the truth. Thomas said that he felt that I would never be able to trust what Dr. R said totally but most of what he ended up telling me was probably true. The next day Thomas said that while he was laying in bed that night he realized just how hard that confrontation must have been for me. I told him I was glad that he appreciated my efforts and that one day I hoped he would be able to do the same for himself.
My first two kids had very small mouths, so much so that it was obvious that they would have severe problems with their teeth if I did not do something. Begin "Phase I". Phase I involved an orthodontic appliance that was meant to apply constant outward pressure to their teeth while their mouths are still growing to make them grow more than what they normally would. We survived Phase I and have now entered Phase II. Braces. Now that we've spent all the time and money to make their mouths bigger I've been informed that two of their top teeth are too small and in order to make the top teeth and bottom teeth line up in a perfect bite, they will need to leave spaces around these two teeth and then build them up using veneers....sigh. This is the case for both kids.
I began to ask myself if this would be the wisest choice. I have a veneer and know that they don't last forever. How important is a perfect bite? Is it worth the life long hassle of maintaining veneers? Just how bad would their bite be? These are questions that I decided to pose to my orthodontist (Dr. R). Simple enough. Well, the first time I brought it up he said thank you and wrote in my sons chart that I did not want to go with veneers and made me sign below that note. I guess I was signing to be responsible for those possible "dental problems" he would have in "50 years" caused by on imperfect bite??!! Not very much discussion. Me, I need to talk, discuss, beat a subject to death. So I decided at the next visit I would ask for the other orthodontist's opinion (Dr. E) and at the same time get a couple of new questions that I had answered.
This is where things began to fall apart. I requested that Dr. E see Thomas first because his chart had the note in it, then we would apply our decision to Erin if appropriate. We had just gotten to the point where Dr. E was going to tell me just how bad Thomas's bite would be when Dr. R interrupted to tell her to work on the patient next to us. He told the technician what needed to be done on Erin. So, while Erin was being worked on, I worked on closing my mouth because my jaw had dropped open when he had redirected Dr. E in the middle of my converstation with her. Once I got my jaw under control, I decided to use it to pick up my unfinished discussion with Dr. R since he was the one now working on Thomas. He started to get annoyed at me and said "you can't have it both ways, you can't close those spaces up and get a perfect bite at the same time". I told him that I didn't want it both ways, I just wanted to know if I was making a terrible decision. If the veneers are mostly for a good cosmetic look I don't want to do them. I just want to know how important the perfect bite is. He was still annoyed and said he would never let me make a really bad decision. I started to tell him that I didn't get that feeling when he had made me sign the note in Thomas's chart. He tried to interrupt me part way through until I said "I'm trying to tell you how I felt when I left last time". I think it may have been at this point that he stood up as if he was going to walk off and said "fine". I looked him in the eye and said "I feel like you are shutting me out right at this moment". Somehow I managed to get him to sit down and hopefully he decided to listen to my concerns. I ended up feeling about 90 percent certain that my decision is the right one but unfortunately, because of the tone of the entire discussion I'm not sure that he's telling me the truth. I'm afraid its possible that he is just telling me what he thinks I want to hear to shut me up.
I'm not sure at what point I realized that everyone in the room was lurking in the background watching this circus. I wasn't yelling, but you could definitely describe our discussion as "heated". In light of the fact that I still needed my questions answered, I persevered. My visit lasted about an hour so obviously I've only covered the main points in this post.
This has nothing to do with anything, but I needed to look up persevered to make sure of the spelling and saw "persnickety" and it directs you to "pernickety" and it means having extremely exacting standards. Neat word.
I think one problem lies in the fact that Dr. R opened the practice and hired Dr. E later on. I think he still sees her as just an employee although she has worked there for a few years now. She is opening her own practice and only works at his office one day a week. I doubt I will ever be able to get her professional opinion on anything.
Fortunately, at this point I still feel that the treatment that they have received has been fine and nothing has been done that's wrong or harmful. The only problem I have experienced is this one and I see it as a personality conflict that I've dealt with to the best of my ability. Unfortunately, I've paid for their braces and am sort of stuck with Dr. R. I know that I could leave and lose some money but I don't think the situation is that bad. The good thing is that if this is the wrong decision it is something that can be fixed easily with braces later on.
My kids had a valuable lesson in standing up for yourself. On the funny side Thomas must have been feeling my pain during the situation because at one point he blurted out "your doing great mom!" I love that kid! Its nice that they are getting old enough to understand what's going on and give me their perspective on the situation. Its validating to know that I wasn't imagining things or overreacting to what I was experiencing. Erin said she couldn't believe how rude he was being to me. Thomas confirmed that he was just yessing me to death at first but then finally started to tell me the truth. Thomas said that he felt that I would never be able to trust what Dr. R said totally but most of what he ended up telling me was probably true. The next day Thomas said that while he was laying in bed that night he realized just how hard that confrontation must have been for me. I told him I was glad that he appreciated my efforts and that one day I hoped he would be able to do the same for himself.
Thursday, December 01, 2005
I MEANT TO SAY
Okay, so sometimes I just babble. I understand that this is a public blog but a lot of times I don't think about that when I'm writing. I guess that's because so few people read it. I write for myself sometimes and other times it is for my family. I'm the kind of person who feels better when I write about my thoughts. My last post was a shorthand version of things I've been thinking about and I only posted it as a string around my finger to remind myself of those things. I've posted about judging in the past and I'm still thinking about it but I guess at the time I didn't want to have a whole huge post on it.
So, what I meant in that post....
In the past couple of years I have thought a lot about how people seem to spend a lot of time judging other people. Everyone does it, including me. I am on a quest to reduce the amount of judging that I do. I highly doubt that I am a good enough person to completely stop judging others. I'm trying to accept that people are imperfect but sometimes its hard. Its also hard to have an opinion without coming off as judgemental. That's a tough one but I think opinions can be valuable.
I've also noticed that because everyone feels insecure about their own imperfections they can tend to be overly sensitive to comments I might make. For example I know someone that has an adult son who lived at home with her for longer than usual (because of issues that he had that she had no control over). One time I was talking about how my goal is to try to make my kids independent enough that they will move out on their own when they become adults. None of my kids have the same issues as hers does. At the time, what was going through my head was how deep down inside I would love my kids to be with me forever and I need to overcome that desire and push them to be independent instead. I was not thinking about her situation with her son at all because in my head it was a totally different issue. As you can imagine, she was sensitive to this and she thought I was making an insult to her. She carried this grudge inside of her for at least a year before she let it out in an angry way. I was shocked to think that she assumed I had nasty intentions. I felt absolutely terrible that she had felt so bad. I took her unhappiness on as my responsibility. Eventually, I realized that it was her struggle not mine. I need to realize that even when my intentions are innocent that some people will take things the wrong way. This may sound obvious, but for me its big because I am always concerned with not hurting others with my words.
Lastly, I also have been telling myself that I'm sensitive about certain things and not everyone is trying to negatively judge me. Just like the person I talked about previously, its possible that I overreact in certain situations.
So, what I meant in that post....
In the past couple of years I have thought a lot about how people seem to spend a lot of time judging other people. Everyone does it, including me. I am on a quest to reduce the amount of judging that I do. I highly doubt that I am a good enough person to completely stop judging others. I'm trying to accept that people are imperfect but sometimes its hard. Its also hard to have an opinion without coming off as judgemental. That's a tough one but I think opinions can be valuable.
I've also noticed that because everyone feels insecure about their own imperfections they can tend to be overly sensitive to comments I might make. For example I know someone that has an adult son who lived at home with her for longer than usual (because of issues that he had that she had no control over). One time I was talking about how my goal is to try to make my kids independent enough that they will move out on their own when they become adults. None of my kids have the same issues as hers does. At the time, what was going through my head was how deep down inside I would love my kids to be with me forever and I need to overcome that desire and push them to be independent instead. I was not thinking about her situation with her son at all because in my head it was a totally different issue. As you can imagine, she was sensitive to this and she thought I was making an insult to her. She carried this grudge inside of her for at least a year before she let it out in an angry way. I was shocked to think that she assumed I had nasty intentions. I felt absolutely terrible that she had felt so bad. I took her unhappiness on as my responsibility. Eventually, I realized that it was her struggle not mine. I need to realize that even when my intentions are innocent that some people will take things the wrong way. This may sound obvious, but for me its big because I am always concerned with not hurting others with my words.
Lastly, I also have been telling myself that I'm sensitive about certain things and not everyone is trying to negatively judge me. Just like the person I talked about previously, its possible that I overreact in certain situations.
Friday, November 25, 2005
TRYING VERY HARD
I am trying very hard to be understanding of human frailties. This includes my own. Also, I am trying to accept that sometimes, even though I've done my best, people may still misunderstand my intentions. Someone else's issues may make it impossible for them to hear what I am actually saying. I've decided that in those cases I need to realize that its their struggle to deal with and not mine. I am also trying to accept that sometimes other people are not trying to be understanding of my frailties. And other times, its possible that their intentions were not meant to be bad but I've misunderstood because I have issues of my own.
Knowing these things helps me to get over things and move on. Its funny how easy it can be to be happy when things don't have to be perfect.
Knowing these things helps me to get over things and move on. Its funny how easy it can be to be happy when things don't have to be perfect.
I GOTTA BE ME
One thing I love about my "old age" (41 years old) is that now when I pick up a new hobby its totally because I want to do it. I'm not interested in how I look to other people. Recently I bought a keyboard because I was tired of waiting for myself to buy a piano. I have been teaching myself to play "piano" on the keyboard. Its quite a fun challenge. I love that no where in the back of my mind am I thinking that I will be "cool" because I know how to play piano. I don't need anyone to be impressed by my budding talents. Or if they are unimpressed by my talents I still don't give a hoot. I am just doing this because I like it. Well, I have to admit that I am doing it partly because I'm hoping that there is some truth in the adage, "use it or lose it". By learning something new maybe I can work the two brain cells I still have left. Otherwise, I fear that they too may be gone in the very near future.
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
THANKSGIVING
I AM THANKFUL FOR:
MY HUSBAND WHO IS JUST GREAT!
MY KIDS WHO ARE THE BEST THAT I COULD ASK FOR!
MY HOME WHERE I ALWAYS FEEL SAFE AND PROTECTED!
FOR BEING BORN IN THE UNITED STATES!
FOR MY BRAIN THAT WORKS PRETTY DARN GOOD!
FOR MY GOOD HEALTH!
FOR ALL THE THINGS THAT GO RIGHT IN MY LIFE!
MY HUSBAND WHO IS JUST GREAT!
MY KIDS WHO ARE THE BEST THAT I COULD ASK FOR!
MY HOME WHERE I ALWAYS FEEL SAFE AND PROTECTED!
FOR BEING BORN IN THE UNITED STATES!
FOR MY BRAIN THAT WORKS PRETTY DARN GOOD!
FOR MY GOOD HEALTH!
FOR ALL THE THINGS THAT GO RIGHT IN MY LIFE!
ON SPANKING
Lately I don't ever seem to watch entire television shows, but surfing through the channels recently I heard that 94% of parents say that they spank their kids. I was a bit surprised that only 6% of parents are like me and have never used spanking. I haven't thought about it for awhile because my youngest is almost nine years old and I haven't had the urge to wholop them for quite some time. Yes, I had the urge many times over the years but never followed through.
I have to admit that it must have appeared that I was up on my soapbox defending the Nonspankers of America many times. I am sorry for this because I'm sure that it made others feel judged. I can't change things I said but I will clarify things now. I felt an urge to defend myself because many times I felt judged. I was told that I should spank my kids because every kid needs to be spanked. It also seemed to frustrate others to see me taking the slower nonspanking methods of discipline when my kids would act up. Also, since I wanted to spank them in my times of frustration, I think a lot of my anti-spanking talk was in done in order to justify to myself that I was doing the right thing.
I want people to know that it is possible to raise your kids without spanking them. Mine did not turn out spoiled and out of control. In fact, I think its just the opposite, they are really well behaved and have a lot of self discipline. However, I would never try to convince another person that my way is right for them. I actually believe that for some people the best way may be the spanking route. In the end its only important that you provide some sort of fair discipline that doesn't break a childs spirit. Even more important is what you do when you are not disciplining them. If you make some mistakes now and then in the discipline department they will forgive you if they know they are loved.
I have to admit that it must have appeared that I was up on my soapbox defending the Nonspankers of America many times. I am sorry for this because I'm sure that it made others feel judged. I can't change things I said but I will clarify things now. I felt an urge to defend myself because many times I felt judged. I was told that I should spank my kids because every kid needs to be spanked. It also seemed to frustrate others to see me taking the slower nonspanking methods of discipline when my kids would act up. Also, since I wanted to spank them in my times of frustration, I think a lot of my anti-spanking talk was in done in order to justify to myself that I was doing the right thing.
I want people to know that it is possible to raise your kids without spanking them. Mine did not turn out spoiled and out of control. In fact, I think its just the opposite, they are really well behaved and have a lot of self discipline. However, I would never try to convince another person that my way is right for them. I actually believe that for some people the best way may be the spanking route. In the end its only important that you provide some sort of fair discipline that doesn't break a childs spirit. Even more important is what you do when you are not disciplining them. If you make some mistakes now and then in the discipline department they will forgive you if they know they are loved.
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