WHO I WANT TO BE

I am the kind of person who tends to react emotionally. For example, when my sister-in-law's dog bit me on Thanksgiving day, I laughed it off. Inside I was quite ruffled but instead of calming my emotions down, I reacted with laughter. It was not really funny but I felt as if my only options were to make light of the situation or let anger get the best of me. Its sort of a fight or flight scenario. The option that I seemed unable to exercise was being calm but truthful. This is the kind of person I wish I could be. Unfortunately, the situations that I most want to practice this in are those in which I'm in a state of shock. Its only after something like this has happened that I look back and wish I could have calmed down first and then reacted. Changing this particular aspect of my personality would probably not change the outcome in a positive way but would change how I feel about myself. I don't really want to react with anger to people, but I also don't want to laugh inappropriately. It bothers me that I have somehow made them think that I feel its no big deal that their dog bit me. The truth is that this dog should be locked in another room when people are around. I could have easily said "Wow, that hurt, I'm bleeding. The next time we visit, could you please make sure the dog isn't around me or the kids". If my in-laws knew that I felt this way, I'm sure that they still wouldn't lock the dog up because it would bark and they can't stand to think the dog is unhappy. I'm sure however, that they would be upset with me for thinking bad thoughts about their dog. It would put an incredible strain on our relationship. I guess the problem is that the truth hurts even if its said in a calm way. I don't really want that kind of conflict. Yet, by avoiding conflict I am not being true to myself. I really wish I hadn't laughed, even if I had just said and done nothing.

My post wasn't supposed to be about me getting bit by a dog. I'm really looking at a bigger picture of wanting to be more thoughtful in life. I have wisdom and wish I could use it more often when I'm under pressure. Its true that people treat you how you let them treat you. I wish I could reap the benefits of interacting with people in a more calm way.