I like to tell people that although teachers generally love my kids, the school system will curse the day that they were introduced to me. It started out when my son was registered for kindergarten and I was one of the few parents who spoke up with a question. "Will there be some sort of person on the bus besides the bus driver because I think they may have to hold my son on there?" Yes, I was serious. No, they did not have anyone there. Yes, he stayed on the bus and went quite happily to school.
So now I have been sending my kids off to school for almost 9 years and it seems that I have some sort of "serious" issue come up at least once a year. I can see how this may be contrued as me being a problem parent. In my humble opinion I am not being difficult at all. Most times that I am unhappy with something I let it slide. Its only occasionally I really get my dander up. I usually ask myself three questions. What is the other side of the story and is it possibly justified? How is this affecting my child? Is it possible that by presenting my point of view that things could change for the better?
My general mode of communication is a letter sent to the appropriate person. I have only gone above a teacher directly to the principal once. This was when the teacher (a substitute math teacher) was not capable of teaching the material and I just couldn't imagine how I would tell them that. I usually wait some time before I write the letter so I am able to formulate my thoughts and opinions. I write a rough draft and change it many times. I try to make sure my letter is not attacking the person who reads it. There is no hope for change if the person feels defensive.
As Dr. Phil would say "How's that working for you?" Well, I would say my success ratio is VERY low. Actually, I can think of only once or twice that something changed for the better. The first time is when my son's first grade teacher was a screamer and I called her on it and she definitely toned it down. The second time was when my daughter (in fifth grade) was not allowed to bring a bottle of water to school because it was against the school policy. The principal very condensendingly told me some one could slip a drug into the bottle. Please note that the thermos of soup she often brought was never a problem. I was told that I needed to write a letter giving permission for her to bring one. I wrote the letter although the policy was not changed. Other than that I am not very successful.
My most recent letter was sent in yesterday to Thomas's eighth grade math teacher. In a nutshell she paired the students with partners, had them study together and warned them that they'd better make sure that their partner knew the material because when they each took their test, the grades would be averaged together to come up with their final test grade. Thomas got a 105% (answered a bonus question right) and his partner got a 62%. So Thomas's grade went down more than 20% and his partner's went up more than 20%. This is so obviously wrong, I felt I had no choice when Thomas presented the problem to me. I had to write a letter. I tried as gently as I could to present my opinion, but its a little rough to tell a teacher "you are wrong". I am still waiting to hear from the teacher and its possible that I never will.
So what am I doing wrong? Why don't I see more change? It's possible that I am being too gentle and if I was more aggressive I would get my way. I am not agressive unless I think that my kids future will be changed in a seriously negative way. I still think my way of striving for change is the way I'll go even if it so rarely works. I feel as if parents and teachers should be in a partnership to educate kids. I'm hoping that one day I will meet a teacher that has the confidence to not get defensive and really consider my requests. On the other hand, it is always hard to hear when we are wrong and even more difficult to admit and fix our mistakes. I put my self in the teachers shoes and cringe. I wonder how open minded I would be.
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3 comments:
It sounds like you're being pretty effective to me. And that grading system is ridiculous! I'd be surprised if you were the only parent that complained about it.
That's what's sad landismom, I'm ALWAYS told that I am the only one who "complained". I'd rather call my way "constructive criticism":) It seems that many parents stop caring once the kids are in middle school. The teacher did call me back and left a long message that was very nice and although she stood behind her method, she said she had tried to pair the students with an equal but in Thomas's case that is hard because he is so bright (her words). She assured me that his grade would not go down if his partner could not bring his score up on his retake of the test. I then left her a message thanking her for not being defensive and not having Thomas's grade go down. But I also said that I still think there has to be a more appropriate way to grade them on a group project - I recommended one involving them writing tests for each other.
That seems like a good solution (the writing tests for each other).
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