TRYING VERY HARD

I am trying very hard to be understanding of human frailties. This includes my own. Also, I am trying to accept that sometimes, even though I've done my best, people may still misunderstand my intentions. Someone else's issues may make it impossible for them to hear what I am actually saying. I've decided that in those cases I need to realize that its their struggle to deal with and not mine. I am also trying to accept that sometimes other people are not trying to be understanding of my frailties. And other times, its possible that their intentions were not meant to be bad but I've misunderstood because I have issues of my own.

Knowing these things helps me to get over things and move on. Its funny how easy it can be to be happy when things don't have to be perfect.

I GOTTA BE ME

One thing I love about my "old age" (41 years old) is that now when I pick up a new hobby its totally because I want to do it. I'm not interested in how I look to other people. Recently I bought a keyboard because I was tired of waiting for myself to buy a piano. I have been teaching myself to play "piano" on the keyboard. Its quite a fun challenge. I love that no where in the back of my mind am I thinking that I will be "cool" because I know how to play piano. I don't need anyone to be impressed by my budding talents. Or if they are unimpressed by my talents I still don't give a hoot. I am just doing this because I like it. Well, I have to admit that I am doing it partly because I'm hoping that there is some truth in the adage, "use it or lose it". By learning something new maybe I can work the two brain cells I still have left. Otherwise, I fear that they too may be gone in the very near future.

THANKSGIVING

I AM THANKFUL FOR:

MY HUSBAND WHO IS JUST GREAT!

MY KIDS WHO ARE THE BEST THAT I COULD ASK FOR!

MY HOME WHERE I ALWAYS FEEL SAFE AND PROTECTED!

FOR BEING BORN IN THE UNITED STATES!

FOR MY BRAIN THAT WORKS PRETTY DARN GOOD!

FOR MY GOOD HEALTH!

FOR ALL THE THINGS THAT GO RIGHT IN MY LIFE!

ON SPANKING

Lately I don't ever seem to watch entire television shows, but surfing through the channels recently I heard that 94% of parents say that they spank their kids. I was a bit surprised that only 6% of parents are like me and have never used spanking. I haven't thought about it for awhile because my youngest is almost nine years old and I haven't had the urge to wholop them for quite some time. Yes, I had the urge many times over the years but never followed through.

I have to admit that it must have appeared that I was up on my soapbox defending the Nonspankers of America many times. I am sorry for this because I'm sure that it made others feel judged. I can't change things I said but I will clarify things now. I felt an urge to defend myself because many times I felt judged. I was told that I should spank my kids because every kid needs to be spanked. It also seemed to frustrate others to see me taking the slower nonspanking methods of discipline when my kids would act up. Also, since I wanted to spank them in my times of frustration, I think a lot of my anti-spanking talk was in done in order to justify to myself that I was doing the right thing.

I want people to know that it is possible to raise your kids without spanking them. Mine did not turn out spoiled and out of control. In fact, I think its just the opposite, they are really well behaved and have a lot of self discipline. However, I would never try to convince another person that my way is right for them. I actually believe that for some people the best way may be the spanking route. In the end its only important that you provide some sort of fair discipline that doesn't break a childs spirit. Even more important is what you do when you are not disciplining them. If you make some mistakes now and then in the discipline department they will forgive you if they know they are loved.

HOME AGAIN HOME AGAIN JIGGADY JIG

I'm happily home to my wonderful family! I'm pleased to announce that I was able to leave some of my baggage in Georgia. (AGK if you find it, DON'T send it back to me!) I think I left almost all the junk that I didn't want any more, but you can never tell. A "good samaritan" might have seen something hanging around and thrown it in my overnight bag. I haven't emptied it yet to see if anythings there. Right now I feel pretty darn good.

TEACHERS

When my son was in first grade he had a teacher who was....let's just say that Thomas had a horrible year due to a personality conflict. He hated school and was getting headaches. After that experience I decided to start requesting the teachers that my kids would have. I know that some people do not believe in requesting, based on the idea that kids need to learn how to deal with all types of personalities. I respect their feelings. My decision is based on the fact that kids are given almost no power in their adult/child relationships and are expected to always bend to authority. I am their voice. I've had better luck trying to get a good match to begin with than with trying to work with a teacher to get change. These are their formative years and I think this time in their life is too important to leave things up to chance. Once they hit middle school I stopped requesting but made sure they were in the appropriate level.

I have not always picked the right teacher for my kids. I can think of one bad choice I made for each of them - oops - but I'm getting better at choosing. I've always at least tried to rule out who I would think would be the worse match for them. I've learned a couple things. One thing I've learned is that a teacher that can be a good match for one of my kids can turn out to be a horrible match for another one of my kids. I've also noticed that many teachers can fit into the following three categories. Lovey, dovey, super patient and makes school fun. Regimented, organized and predictable. Drama queen (or king) but with a great passion for teaching. These are not the only categories, but they seem to be the three that all my kids teachers have been in, although now that my two oldest are in middle school I'm starting to see there is the category where the teacher is "just doing their job and picking up their paycheck". This last kind of teacher is relatively harmless and I realize that they will more than likely get a few of them, no big deal.

I've been helping out in my youngest daughter's class and since the beginning of the year two students have been transferred out of her class because of "personality conflicts" with the teacher. This is a teacher that my older daughtered had and I requested her for Sarah knowing full well that she fit into the "drama queen" category. I warned Sarah about her drama queen side and told Sarah that the teacher is not half as upset as she sounds. Last week when I was in the classroom it dawned on me that someone seeing this teacher in action would wonder why on earth I would request her. I chose to request this teacher because I was pretty sure that Sarah could handle the drama (and maybe even learn from it) and that Sarah would learn A LOT academically. I see Sarah blossoming. This experience has taught me that lovey, dovey is not always the best choice.

Other things I've learned:

I now see that its not always good to base my decisions on what other parents say because their kids experience is going to be different than my kids. Although I listen to what everyone has to say.

Warning your children about a teacher's not-so-nice quirks helps them to deal with them a lot better. Teacher's are human so all of them will have flaws.

After a rough school year its good to point out to your kid that its great that they learned how to cope in a difficult situation. This way they learn the value of the phrase "this too shall pass".

The most important thing I've learned is that sometimes the obvious choice is not always the right one.

JOURNEY TO THE SOUTH

I'm about to embarked upon a journey. My goal is that by friday, when I have to leave, I will have whittled all my "baggage" down to just one carry on. I'm only staying two nights so how much should I have to bring? Can't I survive two nights with only a couple of things? I do have to bring something because I wouldn't want to be naked. Maybe I should just bring clothes and a toothbrush and just forget all that other "baggage". The thing is, I don't want to just leave it home. I want to get rid of it and the Salvation Army doesn't accept just anything you know!?! I guess I could check my baggage and hope it gets lost. I can see that I will have to work to get rid of this stuff. Maybe I should have been more careful when people were trying to give me all this junk. It's really weighing me down and its tough to unload. No one else wants it.

Ooooh, I'm so good with all this symbolic stuff....

NEW THOUGHTS ON OLD CLOTHES

There's a Levi's commercial where a young man artificially wears out a pair of his jeans to give to his girlfriend as a momento so she can keep them to remind her of him. Then, as he is heading off on a bus into the wild blue yonder he takes off a pair of baggy sweatpants and low and behold, underneath are his REAL pair of worn out Levi's. I can really relate to this guy because it occurred to me the other day that I seem to have a fettish for old clothes. Unlike this guy, however, I do not look "cool" in my worn out clothes, I probably just look like a bag lady. I have plenty of decent looking clothes that fit just fine, but I prefer to wear the same worn out overalls. They now have holes in them but I hesitate to buy a new pair. New, yuck. It's not even a comfort thing because I have plenty of comfortable clothes too and I try to wear them, but those grubby old overalls beckon from their spot on top of the dryer. It takes awhile to make a pair of pants old. I have a decent pair of sweatpants that now are looking grubby and have paint on them. I'm almost there on a pair of Chino's. But I really love those overalls! Its a fine line I walk though because I can't stand holes...that's why I need to get rid of the overalls. They have holes and I can't stand them! The material is so thin that I can't patch them....so....I guess.....I'll have to get ......new ones.....AAARRRGH!

THE CIRCLE OF LIFE

Once upon a time I was a little kid. I couldn't stand when adults were less than tolerant of my rambunctious antics. Then I became an adult...without kids. I couldn't stand those wild little brats that parents refused to control. Once I had some of those wild critters of my own I understood the parents perspective. I just couldn't stand when people without kids would criticize my offspring! Once I realized that I used to be one of those less than patient people I decided I would have to be a little less judgemental of them. Now I couldn't stand parents who couldn't stand people without kids who are sick of other people's kids. Wait, I used to be one of those parents, angry when someone couldn't tolerate my kids! I guess I'll just have to be more patient with everyone! Or I could just wait until I'm old and my senses are dulled and I can't hear, see or smell anything and I'm so out of it that I could care less anyway! I'm getting there...

BLOGOSPHERE

Wow, this is a weird place!

GEORGIE PORGIE SITTING IN A TREE

Well he wasn't "k-i-s-s-i-n-g"! Last week as I was leaving for dance class with Erin and Sarah, our kitten George did what he does best, he darted through the door. I yelled to Tom to get him in sometime in the next hour. Somewhere in my pea sized brain I should have realized that George was used to coming when I called him, not Tom. He tried to get him to come in the entire time I was gone but when I arrived home three hours later he was still out. I knew when I called and he didn't come right away that he was lost. The kids helped look for him for awhile but I needed to send them to bed. I looked for two hours in the dark woods with my flashlight. Let me mention here that we do see BEARS around quite a bit! We also hear foxes a lot but I was more worried that George could have encountered them, then me having any problems. I was quite worried because it was getting to be around 40 degrees F. I knew my other cats can handle freezing temperatures, but George's coat is no where near as full as theirs. He's put on weight since we've had him but can still be described as scrawny. I finally gave up and went to bed by our front door so I could hear him meow if he showed up and wanted to get in. I tossed and turned thinking of all the horrible possibilites. Did something eat him? Would he curl up somewhere, tired, fall asleep then freeze to death? I had asked Tom if Beau had gone running after anything and he said only to the edge of the lawn...in other words, no he hadn't gotten a hold of George and done something horrible. You see, although inside Beau is meek with George, I've seen Beau go after wild animals with a vengence and don't totally trust that his wild instincts wouldn't take over. As I slept I kept imagining that I could hear George cry. I woke up exhausted. Thomas and Erin got ready for school while I made "lost kitten" signs to hang up at the entrance to our community. We had 5 minutes before we needed to leave and Erin and I went out to call George again. As we headed out into the woods behind our house calling I heard a faint "meow"! Oh my god, I hear him!!!!!!! I thought I was going to cry with relief. Relief because I wouldn't need to explain to Sarah that he wasn't coming back and relief because I like the little bugger!! We stopped and called again, it was coming from my neighbor, Margaret's house! At first we thought he was trapped in their wood pile until Erin looked up and saw him HIGH up in a tree. We called, he meowed but wouldn't budge. I had to bring Thomas and Erin to school but I told Sarah to watch him while I was gone in case he decided to come down he wouldn't get lost again. One of our other cat's Bob decided to help by calling to George and keeping Sarah company. During that time Richard, Margaret's husband, came outside and then went in to tell Margaret, "we have a little girl in our driveway"! So I came back to Sarah and Margaret staring up into the tree, Bob had enough and gave up. Sarah needed to get ready for school so I sent her in. I also didn't really want her to be there in case George fell and got hurt. He was up about two and a half stories and foolishly decided to come down the hard way. I think he used up one of his nine lives when he luckily landed between a railroad tie wall and a stump with a pointy piece of wood sticking out of it. He landed in some leaves that didn't do much to break his fall. I saw as his feet landed, his back kept going and bent backwards more than it probably should. He got up quite dazed and started to stagger off. My neighbor worried he was getting away but I wanted to see if he could walk. I then scooped him up and carried him home. He was shivering, not from the cold but from the stress. As soon as I got home with him, he wobbled up the stairs and went pee in the litter box. He peed for a very long time! He ate a bit. He looked exhausted and dazed. He was walking a little crooked and I was concerned because his back had bent so much but a couple of hours later he seemed A-OK! The next day he was back to his usual crazy kitten self! A very happy ending! I can't tell you how happy I really am! I'm so grateful he is home.

INTERESTING OBSERVATION

Have you ever noticed that some people's identity revolves around the hardships that they've endured? I know someone who likes to point out how "street smart" she is. She admires other people who are "street smart". I'm sure that she thinks that I am NOT "street smart". Just a naive country bumpkin. She is not the only person I know who wears her past as a badge of honor. She perceives herself as one tough cookie who is ready to take on the world. I've often found myself in subtle contests with these kind of people trying to prove which one of us has had the rougher childhood or gone through more off the wall circumstances. When I realize what is happening, I get annoyed with myself as well as with them. Why must I reveal what has happened to me in the past in order to gain their respect? Why should my respect for them increase because they feel they've "been through a lot"? I see that its all relative and have trouble feeling that my life or theirs has been tough. Just watch a documentary on the Holocaust. Or on female circumcision. Or on people in other countries being tortured and killed. Those things make our problems trivial. How can people want to wear these trivial things as a badge of honor?

I'm not talking about people who use things from their past in order to help people in the present. Or people who use problems in their past to make them a better person today. I'm also not talking about people who sometimes whine and complain that life is not fair (that would be me). I'm talking about the people who elevate themselves based on a false sense that they have been through more difficulties than the average person. We've all been through things, but I just don't get why someone needs to use that to make themself feel superior.

SOMEBODY LOVES ME

I just had a relative come to visit me and while she was here she asked me if I realized that my son Thomas always wants to be close to me (sitting next to me). I told her that I did realized it but later I began wondering why she had pointed that out. I began to think that maybe she was trying to tell me that he was too close to me. As I was wondering, it occurred to me that it doesn't matter what she was thinking because its so wonderful that ALL my kids want to be close to me. My husband also wants to be close to me. They want to be with me because they love me. They literally surround me with love. Such a simple thing that means so much. It hit me just how lucky I am. I have what everyone wants. Love! I often bemoan my less than perfect childhood. The lack of love I felt. All that really doesn't matter because I have four people who love me now. I have everything I need sitting right here beside me.