OUR HOUSE

After posting about living happily here in Pennsylvania, I have been chatting a bit with Angry Prophet and from that, have decided to post about the story of my house. I've debated with myself a bit about whether this was interesting enough to post here or should be posted in my "boringme64" blog - the name speaks for itself!

In 1986, before we were married, we bought our 5.3 acres. It already had a well and septic on the site because there had originally been a summer home here that had burned down. Legends abound about what caused the fire. We've heard it was a lightening strike, but others say it happened when an airplane crashed into it and some people have alluded to arson. I suspect it was a lightening strike but the airplane story sounds much more exciting. We had our house built by a local home builder that same year. At that time we could only afford to have the main part of it built (the part with two dormers). We also had them leave the upstairs unfinished to save money. I can still remember the excitement of moving in! Packing up our few things and sleeping on a mattress on the floor. Everything was so fresh and new. Its hard to believe that its 19 years later and everything is now...broken in! LOL!

That winter we finished off the upstairs doing all the work ourselves. The next year we undertook the much bigger project of adding on our garage. I've noticed that many people say that they built their house, when in fact they mean that they acted as a contractor who hired workers to build their house. Well, WE built our garage! I must tell you that Tom was the brains behind the operation. I ended up learning a lot but started out with absolutely no knowledge. Tom is enough of a handyman to know most of what he needed and to figure out the rest.

It ended up being more than just a garage because its the exact same dimensions as our house. This made it easy to figure out the size that the joists, rafters, etc needed to be. It also included the "mudroom" that attaches it to the main house. Since this is an enclosed room it is not called a breeze way but we learned its called a hyphen. We made our decision to make it so big based on the fact that we would never say "wow, its too big', but would possibly regret if we made it too small.

Our project started with calling excavators in the late winter to have someone come in the spring and dig the hole for the footing. Yeah, I know what you're thinking, I said that we did the work ourselves. Well, let me continue. Unfortunately the excavators told us that the earliest that they could dig would be the fall of that year. That was, IF we were lucky! So we started to look for a place to rent a small backhoe. We soon discovered that our isolated country life meant that there wasn't any rental companies close enough (since then, a few have popped up around here). So our first purchase was a couple of spades, yes, shovels. We borrowed a pick. It seemed to many, an absurd idea to dig this huge hole ourselves. I'm not sure if it was optimism or ignorance that led us to take that plunge. One thing for sure we were definitely ignorant about how many rocks are here in Pennsylvania, not to mention the clay! I'm just appreciative of the fact that we didn't encounter any huge boulders. We had a few helpful friends and relatives that would stop by to help...once or twice. I have to mention Tom's cousin who was a powerhouse digger, if we could just keep him going in the right direction!

Well, that heck hole took us over two months to dig but we were ready to pour the footings. We had a cement mixer but decided to have a company come with ready made concrete. We had called the building inspector to have him come inspect the forms while we were at work and assumed he hadn't found any problems. We poured the footings only to find out he had never made that inspection! He said "You've got to take out the footings!" I guess since I'm from the country where they would think that was a funny joke and Tom is not from the country, we both took it differently. Fortunately, my laughter broke the ice and diffused Tom's panic quickly enough that he didn't have a heart attack and throw us completely off schedule! It was only a joke but we were more careful about future inspections.

I think working side by side with Tom made our marriage even stronger. I've seen people try to work together carrying heavy objects pushing and pulling and working against each other. Tom and I have carried so much that its like one person moving the object. Many of the jobs were repetive like cutting and placing the roof shingles. I would cut them and he would nail them down. It got so I would know exactly what size he needed before he even asked. My cooking skills came in handy since I mixed all the mortar to use on the foundation. There's nothing like the strength building exercise of carrying hundreds of 40 pound concrete blocks and handing them to Tom to mortar into the foundation wall. I became very strong but still managed to be pleasing plump! My fear of heights is greatly diminished since I spent so much time going up and down the ladder. Tom did such a good job on the electrical wiring that the electrical inspector commented on how great it was. It passed before we discovered it had a couple of mistakes! Well, all these years later the house hasn't burned down so I guess everything is okay! Tom designed and built the round barn type doors that you see in the picture and did such a good job that they've held up perfectly.

We began to call the inspector "our buddy Dewayne". He was known to be tough but we were always meticulous about our work so we never had a problem with him. He even stood up for us at the Board of Supervisors meeting when we were begging to get our third yearly building permit. Yes, the project took us three years. We had nights that we would get home from work at 5:00 pm and work until it was dark. In the summer that could be until 8:30 or 9:00 pm! Originally I was going to type that the ENTIRE project took us three years to complete but that is not quite true. We got our Certificate of Occupancy after three years but only needed to have one coat of spackle on the walls to get it. And that is the way it remained for around 15 years. That is when we finally finished to the two rooms over the garage for the kids to move into. The mudroom is still in process and the garage may always have spackled walls! We have grown to see that the process of creating our home is much more fun than having everything done right away.

There is always something new happening. A couple years ago Tom finished the porch on the front of the house. I've wanted a porch forever and the wait was worth it! I love the look of hanging flowers in the summer and wreaths and garland in the winter. The latest is turning our mudroom into "The Pennsylvania Room". For me this constant metamorphosis is necessary. I feel that if it stops, we will be at the end of life. To me change is life.

SEWING

Before Christmas I decided to make my family flannel pajamas. They don't seem to sell real flannel pajamas anymore because they so easily go up in flames. I decided to live life on the edge because the snuggly feeling is so worth it! Erin loves when I tuck her in at night because she says I am covering her up with love when I put her blankets on her. Sarah quickly picked up on this. So I told them how much love went into their pajamas and now they can walk around the house covered in love! Yeah, I know its hokey, but it makes all of us happy! I've wanted to post about this sewing project but couldn't because they were a surprise. I let them open their pajamas on Christmas Eve so they could wear them to bed and they would be wearing them in all the Christmas Day videos. More hokeyness as my husband and son wander around in matching plaid and the girls in matching pink and purple frilliness! I was able to achieve supreme happiness when they were just as thrilled about them as I was! Sickening isn't it! LOL!!

I was so excited about them that I couldn't help mentioning them to random people I came acrossed in everyday life. Then I realized that it sounded like I was trying to be crowned "Mother of the Year" and had to stop myself. As I was spending those countless hours sewing away, I felt how nice it was to be in a new phase with my kids where I actually have time and energy enough to work at something I enjoy. I love that feeling of creating something and seeing it take shape. I felt tired and worn down most of the time when they were really little and just decided to stop doing most of those projects and activities that I wanted to do. I know people always say "take time for yourself" but its one of those things that is easier said than done. Especially when I didn't have any family support, no one who would babysit or help out when the kids were sick. I always found asking a friend to watch the kids would backfire because payback always seemed twice as hard as what I would get out of the deal. So I muddled through and now I am at the end of that tunnel seeing the light of day. Its nice. I even think I have time and energy to make myself a pair of pajama pants with the extra cloth!

GRATITUDE

I've noticed the general trend with my blog lately tends to be a whine fest. That's odd because my mood has been quite good lately. So, with that in mind I've decided to write a post that is more reflective of my current state.

I absolutely love where I live! I don't usually go out in the evenings but whenever I do, I often feel a sense of gratitude driving along our lonely country roads. For some reason the feeling of the darkness enveloping me feels cozy. No street lights to blaze the way. I just have to trust that the road in front of me will continue. I wonder how the many twists and turns in my life have brought me to this little piece of Pennsylvania. Remembering how many times I had looked down while flying in a jet plane and marveling how many lives I was seeing and now thinking I was just one of those. A transplant from New Hampshire, I'm still able to enjoy the four seasons. However, the somewhat milder environment in Pennsylvania brings me a peace both physically and mentally. I smile to think of the life I've carved out here. It's all mine. No one else told me to live in Pennsylvania. It is my chosen land. For me nothing is better than hiking in one of our lush forests to find a rushing waterfall at the end of the trail. Wiggling our toes in the frigid mountain stream. In the winter seeing frozen scenery worthy of a photograph but knowing that a picture isn't necessary because tomorrow will bring another view just as beautiful. I love our mountains and I love my little dirt road, dust and all. I think of all the sweat I have poured into our five and one third acres and our rambling house. Remembering each project completed, or not. Our choice to finish or leave it for another day. Thinking of our kids, the family we created. Knowing I am loved. Wrapping myself in a quilt and snuggling up in front of the fire. Watching the flames and knowing that this is the happiness that I've created. My greatest accomplishment so far.

POLITICS

In my opininion the problem with our country does not lie with the president. The problem is with the people who believe him. He has a way of turning everything into a patriotic issue. Let's stand together as Americans and fight!!! Hoorah! Since many Americans are very patriotic they jump right on his bandwagon. Let's trust that he will analyze the finer details and we will blindly follow him into battle. The part that scares me is if this little housewife in Pennsylvania could see the fault in his grand scheme, why couldn't enough other people see it to stop him. How can we stop the president? Not elect him for a second term. But he did get elected and that's what scared me. People still don't see that Sadam Hussein was just a scared little man in a hole in the ground. Eighteen year old kids are dying to destroy the threat that hid in a hole in the ground. Now the president has convinced people that we are helping the Iraqi people and that's why we went in the first place. Do you know how many people need help in this world? We could help in a lot of places where we wouldn't need sodiers to die. The only blessing in this is that Iraq is keeping the president busy so he doesn't do something more stupid. And believe me this housewife can think of plenty more stupid things....
Clinton with his preference for interns is looking pretty good right now...

SPREADING GOOD CHEER

Since I did such a good job at torturing the orthodontist I decided I would search for another unsuspecting victim. Last monday I found my mark. The poor, innocent service clerk at the grocery store. My christmas cards (photo kind) were supposed to be ready by saturday so surely they would be there monday morning! Afterall, there were signs posted all over the place that said 5 days guaranteed or free. Not here yet. Hmmm. Well, how do I get them for free under the guarantee I asked sweetly. Let me see when they went out she mumbled. They went out tuesday. I informed her that I had dropped them off on monday and even joked with the cashier that she was my witness that I was there before 10:00 am. Well, they went out tuesday. I pointed out that even if that was the case then they should have been in on sunday. We don't get deliveries on sunday. Well, you shouldn't have a sign that says you do. Enter annoying girl from back. After running through all the same info with her she informed me that she couldn't be responsible if there was a snowstorm or traffic and the photo guy didn't show up. There wasn't a snowstorm and traffic, HAH! We live in the middle of no where! She told me that this had nothing to do with the grocery store and the photo company had to deal with it. I asked her what she normally does when someone has a question about the guarantee. She said I was the first person ever to ask about it in the entire history of the store. I hardly think so! So, being treated like an idiot/criminal at the store was not enough punishment for me, I had to call the photo company and whine to them. The wonderful associate Cynthia, helped me solve my problem. The grocery store was to give me my photo cards for free and then take down all the offending guarantee signage! I don't think anyone is super mad at me because I joked when I went back, that the grocery store was thinking of making up a rule that I would only be allowed in the store every five days. They got a kick out of that. I guess saving $30 was worth my hassle. All the more money to spend at the orthodontist!

ADOLESCENTS

I'm coming to think that our job as parents when dealing with adolescents is to remain calm. If we allow ourselves to become upset and our feelings to be hurt then we risk causing a grudge that may last for a long time. This is coming from a parent that does get her feelings hurt. Whenever I am told that I'm not being fair I think of all my efforts to be fair and think it was all for naught. In my better parenting moments I can take a deep breath and know that it will all blow over in a day or two. Their bodies are starting to go through so many changes and their minds as well. Its hard for them to be this age. Its hard when you want to cry at the slightest problem. My job becomes easier when I remind myself of these things. I'm also trying to teach them that they need to buckle down and ride out this difficult change and realize that some times they will have these unhappy feelings and that's just the way life is. I'm hoping that my "better parenting moments" will end up counteracting my not so great ones and that we'll all come out at the other end without any serious wounds!

ORTHODONTIST

I just have to post about my recent orthodontist woes! Something I want to forget, but should remember.

My first two kids had very small mouths, so much so that it was obvious that they would have severe problems with their teeth if I did not do something. Begin "Phase I". Phase I involved an orthodontic appliance that was meant to apply constant outward pressure to their teeth while their mouths are still growing to make them grow more than what they normally would. We survived Phase I and have now entered Phase II. Braces. Now that we've spent all the time and money to make their mouths bigger I've been informed that two of their top teeth are too small and in order to make the top teeth and bottom teeth line up in a perfect bite, they will need to leave spaces around these two teeth and then build them up using veneers....sigh. This is the case for both kids.

I began to ask myself if this would be the wisest choice. I have a veneer and know that they don't last forever. How important is a perfect bite? Is it worth the life long hassle of maintaining veneers? Just how bad would their bite be? These are questions that I decided to pose to my orthodontist (Dr. R). Simple enough. Well, the first time I brought it up he said thank you and wrote in my sons chart that I did not want to go with veneers and made me sign below that note. I guess I was signing to be responsible for those possible "dental problems" he would have in "50 years" caused by on imperfect bite??!! Not very much discussion. Me, I need to talk, discuss, beat a subject to death. So I decided at the next visit I would ask for the other orthodontist's opinion (Dr. E) and at the same time get a couple of new questions that I had answered.

This is where things began to fall apart. I requested that Dr. E see Thomas first because his chart had the note in it, then we would apply our decision to Erin if appropriate. We had just gotten to the point where Dr. E was going to tell me just how bad Thomas's bite would be when Dr. R interrupted to tell her to work on the patient next to us. He told the technician what needed to be done on Erin. So, while Erin was being worked on, I worked on closing my mouth because my jaw had dropped open when he had redirected Dr. E in the middle of my converstation with her. Once I got my jaw under control, I decided to use it to pick up my unfinished discussion with Dr. R since he was the one now working on Thomas. He started to get annoyed at me and said "you can't have it both ways, you can't close those spaces up and get a perfect bite at the same time". I told him that I didn't want it both ways, I just wanted to know if I was making a terrible decision. If the veneers are mostly for a good cosmetic look I don't want to do them. I just want to know how important the perfect bite is. He was still annoyed and said he would never let me make a really bad decision. I started to tell him that I didn't get that feeling when he had made me sign the note in Thomas's chart. He tried to interrupt me part way through until I said "I'm trying to tell you how I felt when I left last time". I think it may have been at this point that he stood up as if he was going to walk off and said "fine". I looked him in the eye and said "I feel like you are shutting me out right at this moment". Somehow I managed to get him to sit down and hopefully he decided to listen to my concerns. I ended up feeling about 90 percent certain that my decision is the right one but unfortunately, because of the tone of the entire discussion I'm not sure that he's telling me the truth. I'm afraid its possible that he is just telling me what he thinks I want to hear to shut me up.

I'm not sure at what point I realized that everyone in the room was lurking in the background watching this circus. I wasn't yelling, but you could definitely describe our discussion as "heated". In light of the fact that I still needed my questions answered, I persevered. My visit lasted about an hour so obviously I've only covered the main points in this post.

This has nothing to do with anything, but I needed to look up persevered to make sure of the spelling and saw "persnickety" and it directs you to "pernickety" and it means having extremely exacting standards. Neat word.

I think one problem lies in the fact that Dr. R opened the practice and hired Dr. E later on. I think he still sees her as just an employee although she has worked there for a few years now. She is opening her own practice and only works at his office one day a week. I doubt I will ever be able to get her professional opinion on anything.

Fortunately, at this point I still feel that the treatment that they have received has been fine and nothing has been done that's wrong or harmful. The only problem I have experienced is this one and I see it as a personality conflict that I've dealt with to the best of my ability. Unfortunately, I've paid for their braces and am sort of stuck with Dr. R. I know that I could leave and lose some money but I don't think the situation is that bad. The good thing is that if this is the wrong decision it is something that can be fixed easily with braces later on.

My kids had a valuable lesson in standing up for yourself. On the funny side Thomas must have been feeling my pain during the situation because at one point he blurted out "your doing great mom!" I love that kid! Its nice that they are getting old enough to understand what's going on and give me their perspective on the situation. Its validating to know that I wasn't imagining things or overreacting to what I was experiencing. Erin said she couldn't believe how rude he was being to me. Thomas confirmed that he was just yessing me to death at first but then finally started to tell me the truth. Thomas said that he felt that I would never be able to trust what Dr. R said totally but most of what he ended up telling me was probably true. The next day Thomas said that while he was laying in bed that night he realized just how hard that confrontation must have been for me. I told him I was glad that he appreciated my efforts and that one day I hoped he would be able to do the same for himself.

I MEANT TO SAY

Okay, so sometimes I just babble. I understand that this is a public blog but a lot of times I don't think about that when I'm writing. I guess that's because so few people read it. I write for myself sometimes and other times it is for my family. I'm the kind of person who feels better when I write about my thoughts. My last post was a shorthand version of things I've been thinking about and I only posted it as a string around my finger to remind myself of those things. I've posted about judging in the past and I'm still thinking about it but I guess at the time I didn't want to have a whole huge post on it.

So, what I meant in that post....

In the past couple of years I have thought a lot about how people seem to spend a lot of time judging other people. Everyone does it, including me. I am on a quest to reduce the amount of judging that I do. I highly doubt that I am a good enough person to completely stop judging others. I'm trying to accept that people are imperfect but sometimes its hard. Its also hard to have an opinion without coming off as judgemental. That's a tough one but I think opinions can be valuable.

I've also noticed that because everyone feels insecure about their own imperfections they can tend to be overly sensitive to comments I might make. For example I know someone that has an adult son who lived at home with her for longer than usual (because of issues that he had that she had no control over). One time I was talking about how my goal is to try to make my kids independent enough that they will move out on their own when they become adults. None of my kids have the same issues as hers does. At the time, what was going through my head was how deep down inside I would love my kids to be with me forever and I need to overcome that desire and push them to be independent instead. I was not thinking about her situation with her son at all because in my head it was a totally different issue. As you can imagine, she was sensitive to this and she thought I was making an insult to her. She carried this grudge inside of her for at least a year before she let it out in an angry way. I was shocked to think that she assumed I had nasty intentions. I felt absolutely terrible that she had felt so bad. I took her unhappiness on as my responsibility. Eventually, I realized that it was her struggle not mine. I need to realize that even when my intentions are innocent that some people will take things the wrong way. This may sound obvious, but for me its big because I am always concerned with not hurting others with my words.

Lastly, I also have been telling myself that I'm sensitive about certain things and not everyone is trying to negatively judge me. Just like the person I talked about previously, its possible that I overreact in certain situations.