Tomorrow Sarah goes to have surgery to have a tube put in her ear. It all started at the end of September when she told me that she was having trouble hearing out of one ear. Like a good mother I ignored her the first time she told me. The second time (a couple weeks later) she told me again and I had her plug her good ear and tell me if she could hear the TV with the bad ear. She couldn't. I'm no Sherlock Holmes so it took me a day to figure out that it could be an ear infection. Last fall she had gotten an ear infection and did not have any pain until the infection was so bad the eardrum was about to burst. I know that it was about to burst because she described the pain as "throbbing" and said it felt like something in her ear was "growing." Now you would think I would be very tuned in to any sort of thing happening with her ears. So although she didn't have any pain, I decided a trip to the pediatrician was in order. Of course she did indeed have an ear infection. Quite bad actually. The course of treatment followed a similar path to last year. It took two or three rounds of progressively stronger antibiotics to cure the infection. Afterwards she had to be on six weeks of maintenance antibiotics because of residual fluid left over in the ear. Last year after the six weeks the fluid was gone but this year the fluid was still there.
Fortunately, we have an Ear, Nose and Throat specialist that we are familiar with (Tom has on going sinus problems and Erin had tubes in her ears when she was younger). I made an appointment and I wasn't surprised when he tested her hearing and she was having trouble hearing with that ear. We already knew this but hey, why not pay for an expensive test to tell us the same thing! Just joking, I'm sure its important to know just how much hearing lose there is just to compare with how much is restored after the tubes. He recommend a tube and said he would check the other ear for fluid during surgery and if some was in there he may put two tubes in. He said that it is common at this age for the adenoids to swell and sometimes block the end of the Eustachian tube so fluid can't drain. The adenoids usually go back down in a year or two. He also said in very rare cases the tube may be blocked by a tumor. He will check during surgery.
Considering Sarah is my little worry wart, she is doing outstanding. She really doesn't seem stressed much at all. I'm sure she will be a little worried tomorrow but so far so good. I am not really worried because we have been through this twice before with Erin. It gets to a point where you just want to get the tube put in so the problem can go away. I am constantly worried that the ear infection will flair up again. It just makes matters worse knowing she doesn't get the pain until its almost too late. She is off the antibiotics now for a couple of weeks so it could come back at any time. It will also be nice that she won't need those antibiotics since they really mess up her digestive system.
Sunday, January 06, 2008
LUCKY ERIN
For the past couple of years Erin has complained about pains in her hips and knees. In 7th grade when she started to run cross country, she had to stop for a couple of weeks when her hip became sore. The spring of 7th grade she came home one day and told me that her knee had gotten locked in a bent position when she had tried to straighten it after sitting on her knees during class. It was so painful that she almost passed out. She ended up crying in school, something that she never does. She was finally able to get it unlocked by bending it even more and she felt her knee "slide" back into place. Then this year in 8th grade she had a similar problem where her knee would hurt when she tried to straighten it (one time after sitting with her legs bent up under her). In between these incidents she would often tell me about minor aches and pains. I decided that although I didn't think she had a serious problem, we should take her to an orthopedic doctor.
The visit was definitely worth the $15 copay. He told us that it is very common for adolescent girls to have knees that tend to slide back and forth. He showed us by putting marks on her knee and then moving it from straight to bent. Sure enough her knee slid about a half inch to the outside. Very creepy. He also told us that as her hips widen she would get pain there too. He said some girls suffer much more than she has and it can get very painful. He told us that when she sits on her legs with her knees bent that causes inflammation under the knee cap. Then when she tries to straighten them they move and because of all this inflammation it really hurts. The good thing is that her knees and hips should feel better after adolescence.
He then told her to stand and pointed out that her arch was okay until she stood and then it would collapse. He said that her feet tended to roll in because of the collapsing arch and that puts more stress on the moving knees and growing hips. He recommended that we buy "stability" running sneakers. He gave us a website to go to in order to know which sneakers to buy. When I came home, I checked the sneakers that she had used this year for running and found out that they were stability sneakers. I figured that was why she didn't have a problem while running this year. At the time I had thought it was odd that she didn't complain during the time she was running, all the problems happened at other times of the year. I think we both feel happy that all her problems are just normal things that will eventually get resolved.
The visit was definitely worth the $15 copay. He told us that it is very common for adolescent girls to have knees that tend to slide back and forth. He showed us by putting marks on her knee and then moving it from straight to bent. Sure enough her knee slid about a half inch to the outside. Very creepy. He also told us that as her hips widen she would get pain there too. He said some girls suffer much more than she has and it can get very painful. He told us that when she sits on her legs with her knees bent that causes inflammation under the knee cap. Then when she tries to straighten them they move and because of all this inflammation it really hurts. The good thing is that her knees and hips should feel better after adolescence.
He then told her to stand and pointed out that her arch was okay until she stood and then it would collapse. He said that her feet tended to roll in because of the collapsing arch and that puts more stress on the moving knees and growing hips. He recommended that we buy "stability" running sneakers. He gave us a website to go to in order to know which sneakers to buy. When I came home, I checked the sneakers that she had used this year for running and found out that they were stability sneakers. I figured that was why she didn't have a problem while running this year. At the time I had thought it was odd that she didn't complain during the time she was running, all the problems happened at other times of the year. I think we both feel happy that all her problems are just normal things that will eventually get resolved.
FEELING BETTER
I have been feeling better for awhile now but haven't posted because I have been busy with the holidays. The new medication I was on made me get more migraines for the first week but now I have been migraine free since. It took awhile but most of my energy has come back also. I once again have a zest for life. I don't know if I'd call myself a dynamo, but at least I have enough energy to accomplish some things.
Thanksgiving was spent at home. I cooked a turkey with all the usual fixings. Christmas was also spent at home. I kept feeling thankful that I was doing so much better and realizing that I couldn't have survived all the shopping and preparing if I didn't feel so good. It really made me appreciate my health. I happily spent the last few days before Christmas sewing pajamas for the three kids to wear on Christmas Eve. I really love sewing. I was disappointed however, that my sewing kept getting interrupted by phone calls bringing bad news! I guess I was being selfish when I got to the point of wishing people would stop calling. I felt that now that I was finally feeling better, I didn't like hearing all this depressing stuff! I just wanted to enjoy the holidays. I did try to be a good person and give these people time to vent. Things seem to be calmed down now so I think I will get some peace.
Thanksgiving was spent at home. I cooked a turkey with all the usual fixings. Christmas was also spent at home. I kept feeling thankful that I was doing so much better and realizing that I couldn't have survived all the shopping and preparing if I didn't feel so good. It really made me appreciate my health. I happily spent the last few days before Christmas sewing pajamas for the three kids to wear on Christmas Eve. I really love sewing. I was disappointed however, that my sewing kept getting interrupted by phone calls bringing bad news! I guess I was being selfish when I got to the point of wishing people would stop calling. I felt that now that I was finally feeling better, I didn't like hearing all this depressing stuff! I just wanted to enjoy the holidays. I did try to be a good person and give these people time to vent. Things seem to be calmed down now so I think I will get some peace.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
NOT FEELING WELL AND WHINING ABOUT IT
I don't know what it is lately with Oprah but she is apparently on some sort of health kick. I'm sick of Dr. Oz. I don't watch Oprah all the time but it seems that every time I do its Dr. Oz! I guess maybe I'm just experiencing some sour grapes. I have not been healthy lately and no matter what I eat I'm not going to get better. No, even if I drink some green drink made out of celery, cucumbers and spinach I am not going to suddenly feel great. I guess I resent someone telling me that I can "change my genes" if I just do what they recommend. I swear, I heard them say that you can change your genes by following his program.
From what I heard, Oprah shares a problem with me. She has a thyroid problem and went on vacation for a month to help her feel better. Hopefully she is also taking medication for it like I am. The medication keeps me alive! I guess it also makes me feel better but lately I have been having a new problem and don't feel well so I can't really tell.
My problem du jour involves a lot of migraines. Three weeks ago I got the first of seven migraines. Writing it here makes it seem so much better than it actually was. Seven migraines in three weeks, piece of cake. If a person who suffers from migraines reads this, they won't think its a piece of cake. I'm not talking about a person who thinks they suffer from migraines when they really don't. A migraine makes it impossible for me to function. I now have Imitrex to treat the migraines. The Imitrex makes the worse pain go away as long as I don't have to do anything and can spend the day resting. But life goes on and its difficult to just rest for 7 days out of three weeks! Migraines are also exhausting and leave me feeling tired for a day or two so I've pretty much spent the past three weeks barely surviving.
So now I'm trying to figure out why I've been getting migraines. I went back to my Endocrinologist and had more blood work done. I found out that my prolactin (hormone) level is up...again. This could be a possible cause of the headaches. We are treating it with a medication that lists one of the side effects as headaches! Sigh. I also read that you shouldn't take migraine medications at the same time as this new medicine so now I have been battling the migraines without meds. Another sigh.
Did I mention this is all making me grumpy?!?!
I am leaving this alone for now and may post again with a more detailed account of what's going on, you know just for posterity!
From what I heard, Oprah shares a problem with me. She has a thyroid problem and went on vacation for a month to help her feel better. Hopefully she is also taking medication for it like I am. The medication keeps me alive! I guess it also makes me feel better but lately I have been having a new problem and don't feel well so I can't really tell.
My problem du jour involves a lot of migraines. Three weeks ago I got the first of seven migraines. Writing it here makes it seem so much better than it actually was. Seven migraines in three weeks, piece of cake. If a person who suffers from migraines reads this, they won't think its a piece of cake. I'm not talking about a person who thinks they suffer from migraines when they really don't. A migraine makes it impossible for me to function. I now have Imitrex to treat the migraines. The Imitrex makes the worse pain go away as long as I don't have to do anything and can spend the day resting. But life goes on and its difficult to just rest for 7 days out of three weeks! Migraines are also exhausting and leave me feeling tired for a day or two so I've pretty much spent the past three weeks barely surviving.
So now I'm trying to figure out why I've been getting migraines. I went back to my Endocrinologist and had more blood work done. I found out that my prolactin (hormone) level is up...again. This could be a possible cause of the headaches. We are treating it with a medication that lists one of the side effects as headaches! Sigh. I also read that you shouldn't take migraine medications at the same time as this new medicine so now I have been battling the migraines without meds. Another sigh.
Did I mention this is all making me grumpy?!?!
I am leaving this alone for now and may post again with a more detailed account of what's going on, you know just for posterity!
Saturday, October 27, 2007
GEOCACHING
Last week I went geocaching for the first time. Basically, geocaching is finding "treasures" hidden by other people by using the coordinates (latitude and longitude) that you can find on a site called geocaching.com. Thomas's 9th grade math teacher (Mr. Math) started doing it about two years ago and now he brings some of his students along with him. He is in the process of turning it into an official school club.
Last Sunday I tagged along on Thomas's first geocaching trip with Mr. Math. I also brought Erin along although I figured Sarah was a little too young to hike the required 6 miles. We met up with Mr. Math at around 9:30 am. He seemed to be bursting out of his skin with excitement. He warned us what to do if we saw a bear (don't run) or even a poisonous snake (stay back). He also said that one of the shorter hikes would bring us through a tunnel and it could get a little tricky. Off we went following behind Mr. Math who was driving a big van that held most of the 10 or so kids that were going.
We ended up in Manunka Chunk, NJ. After checking Mr. Math's GPS unit and talking to some locals we found our way to the start of the hike. This happened to include some very creepy abandoned railroad tunnels that had been carved out of the stone hill. Fortunately, Mr. Math had told us to bring flashlights. We headed down the tunnel that was to the right because Mr. Math warned that the one to the left had some quicksand in it. We occasionally had some water drip on our head as we made it past the big boulders that had fallen from the ceilings. Fortunately, it was only water dropping on our heads and not any rocks! We weaved our way in and out of the puddles until the entire floor was covered in water. No place to go but through it. Finally, we made it through to the other side. Now to look for the geocache! It didn't take us very long to find the green ammo can that was partially covered with a rock. We opened it and saw all the little treasures including a rubber snake. We didn't take anything because the "rules" are that you have to leave something if you take something. We all signed the logbook and turned around to head back. Now, remember, we were with a bunch of 9th graders...."Mr. Math, lets go down the other tunnel!" Now, I think Mr. Math may still be a kid himself because after one feeble "no", he said "what the heck, we can turn around if it gets too bad". So we all headed down the tunnel. The mud quickly became deeper and deeper. When it got up over our shoes, Thomas said "I'm going back". Erin, my more adventurous child decided to keep going. I of course had to accompany Thomas in the other tunnel. Now, my trek down the other tunnel ended up being more creepy than the first time because with only me and Thomas it was much quieter and much darker. As we plugged through the big puddle I heard some splashing and couldn't help but think about those horror movies where something reaches up and pulls you under the water...the others told me that they saw fish and frogs. I couldn't believe there were FISH! They told me that the fish didn't have any eyes - I guess it was too dark to see in there anyways. We got to the end of our tunnel just a bit before the others came out of theirs...they were covered in mud up to their knees! I was just thankful that Erin hadn't lost a sneaker! Everyone was laughing, including Mr. Math. After taking photos of the memory we headed back to the van and our next geocaching stop.
We headed to one of the parking areas at the Delaware Water Gap. We ate our lunch so we would have enough energy for the three mile hike out and three miles back. Consulting his handy dandy GPS Mr. Math led the way. As we came close to the first cache we encountered a bunch of "Muggles". At that time I didn't know what a Muggle was so I stupidly talked to them! I did notice however that Mr. Math was not being his usual friendly self. He quickly pulled us away and in a hushed voice told us that Muggles were people who didn't do geocaching. Now our search would have to be conducted with stealth because if they noticed what we were doing, they might vandalize the cache. Geesh, and to think I had actually spoken to them! We found the cache and decided to head out looking for the next one.
One of the things that Mr. Math told us that he had learned was that it was always best to stay on the trail. If you decided to follow the GPS and go the direct route to a cache you would have to bushwhack and possibly would encounter some impassable terrain. Well, apparently, he didn't learn that lesson very well because off he goes through the bushes. He's quite a fast hiker and as the rest of us struggled to keep up I thought "does he know what he's doing". We encountered more Muggles and he started looking at their map. A topographical map. One that showed that in order to continue in this way we'd have to scale a cliff in order to reach the cache. We weren't exactly lost because we had the GPS, but we weren't exactly going in the right direction either! We decided to go back and drive to a different parking lot where we could attack this from a different direction.
On the way back the kids were excited to see a waterfall. Afterall, it was October and what better month for a swim! They quickly slid down the embankment and waded in. It was not long before we heard a big splash and one of them had "fallen" in. After taking some pictures of what I thought looked a bit like a wet t-shirt contest Mr. Math told them to get their sneakers back on. I saw that we didn't need to climb back up the steep embankment because we could easily pick up the trail by taking a shortcut by the streams edge. Thomas, Erin and I headed off and waited for them on a small wooden bridge. Apparently, Mr. Math didn't check his GPS because he headed back up the steep embankment. They all struggled up after him and then came back down the trail to meet us. I later told Thomas that if he ever goes on another field trip with Mr. Math, he should use his own common sense and keep track of where he is and how to get back! Thomas laughed.
We ended up finding the cache using the other way and continued on to find another cache that was actually hidden at an area visitor's center. We stopped to eat at Wendy's on the way home and everyone happily chatted about what an exciting day it had been. Definitely a fun hobby that we've already continued. Thomas went on another field trip with Mr. Math and we've also found some easier caches on our own. We don't have a GPS unit of our own so we can only search for ones that have more obvious locations. We've brought Sarah with us on our other hunts and she likes it too. I doubt we will ever be as addicted as Mr. Math. He's found over 2000 caches in less than two years! However, I can see this as a fun family thing we will be doing more!
Last Sunday I tagged along on Thomas's first geocaching trip with Mr. Math. I also brought Erin along although I figured Sarah was a little too young to hike the required 6 miles. We met up with Mr. Math at around 9:30 am. He seemed to be bursting out of his skin with excitement. He warned us what to do if we saw a bear (don't run) or even a poisonous snake (stay back). He also said that one of the shorter hikes would bring us through a tunnel and it could get a little tricky. Off we went following behind Mr. Math who was driving a big van that held most of the 10 or so kids that were going.
We ended up in Manunka Chunk, NJ. After checking Mr. Math's GPS unit and talking to some locals we found our way to the start of the hike. This happened to include some very creepy abandoned railroad tunnels that had been carved out of the stone hill. Fortunately, Mr. Math had told us to bring flashlights. We headed down the tunnel that was to the right because Mr. Math warned that the one to the left had some quicksand in it. We occasionally had some water drip on our head as we made it past the big boulders that had fallen from the ceilings. Fortunately, it was only water dropping on our heads and not any rocks! We weaved our way in and out of the puddles until the entire floor was covered in water. No place to go but through it. Finally, we made it through to the other side. Now to look for the geocache! It didn't take us very long to find the green ammo can that was partially covered with a rock. We opened it and saw all the little treasures including a rubber snake. We didn't take anything because the "rules" are that you have to leave something if you take something. We all signed the logbook and turned around to head back. Now, remember, we were with a bunch of 9th graders...."Mr. Math, lets go down the other tunnel!" Now, I think Mr. Math may still be a kid himself because after one feeble "no", he said "what the heck, we can turn around if it gets too bad". So we all headed down the tunnel. The mud quickly became deeper and deeper. When it got up over our shoes, Thomas said "I'm going back". Erin, my more adventurous child decided to keep going. I of course had to accompany Thomas in the other tunnel. Now, my trek down the other tunnel ended up being more creepy than the first time because with only me and Thomas it was much quieter and much darker. As we plugged through the big puddle I heard some splashing and couldn't help but think about those horror movies where something reaches up and pulls you under the water...the others told me that they saw fish and frogs. I couldn't believe there were FISH! They told me that the fish didn't have any eyes - I guess it was too dark to see in there anyways. We got to the end of our tunnel just a bit before the others came out of theirs...they were covered in mud up to their knees! I was just thankful that Erin hadn't lost a sneaker! Everyone was laughing, including Mr. Math. After taking photos of the memory we headed back to the van and our next geocaching stop.
We headed to one of the parking areas at the Delaware Water Gap. We ate our lunch so we would have enough energy for the three mile hike out and three miles back. Consulting his handy dandy GPS Mr. Math led the way. As we came close to the first cache we encountered a bunch of "Muggles". At that time I didn't know what a Muggle was so I stupidly talked to them! I did notice however that Mr. Math was not being his usual friendly self. He quickly pulled us away and in a hushed voice told us that Muggles were people who didn't do geocaching. Now our search would have to be conducted with stealth because if they noticed what we were doing, they might vandalize the cache. Geesh, and to think I had actually spoken to them! We found the cache and decided to head out looking for the next one.
One of the things that Mr. Math told us that he had learned was that it was always best to stay on the trail. If you decided to follow the GPS and go the direct route to a cache you would have to bushwhack and possibly would encounter some impassable terrain. Well, apparently, he didn't learn that lesson very well because off he goes through the bushes. He's quite a fast hiker and as the rest of us struggled to keep up I thought "does he know what he's doing". We encountered more Muggles and he started looking at their map. A topographical map. One that showed that in order to continue in this way we'd have to scale a cliff in order to reach the cache. We weren't exactly lost because we had the GPS, but we weren't exactly going in the right direction either! We decided to go back and drive to a different parking lot where we could attack this from a different direction.
On the way back the kids were excited to see a waterfall. Afterall, it was October and what better month for a swim! They quickly slid down the embankment and waded in. It was not long before we heard a big splash and one of them had "fallen" in. After taking some pictures of what I thought looked a bit like a wet t-shirt contest Mr. Math told them to get their sneakers back on. I saw that we didn't need to climb back up the steep embankment because we could easily pick up the trail by taking a shortcut by the streams edge. Thomas, Erin and I headed off and waited for them on a small wooden bridge. Apparently, Mr. Math didn't check his GPS because he headed back up the steep embankment. They all struggled up after him and then came back down the trail to meet us. I later told Thomas that if he ever goes on another field trip with Mr. Math, he should use his own common sense and keep track of where he is and how to get back! Thomas laughed.
We ended up finding the cache using the other way and continued on to find another cache that was actually hidden at an area visitor's center. We stopped to eat at Wendy's on the way home and everyone happily chatted about what an exciting day it had been. Definitely a fun hobby that we've already continued. Thomas went on another field trip with Mr. Math and we've also found some easier caches on our own. We don't have a GPS unit of our own so we can only search for ones that have more obvious locations. We've brought Sarah with us on our other hunts and she likes it too. I doubt we will ever be as addicted as Mr. Math. He's found over 2000 caches in less than two years! However, I can see this as a fun family thing we will be doing more!
Saturday, October 13, 2007
ENJOYING LIFE
I'm going to talk about the old cliche that mothers lose themselves in motherhood. We tend to be in danger of becoming just someones mother and no longer being ourselves. I'm beginning to realize a side effect of this can be losing our zest for life. I don't really mean being depressed, although that can happen to some people. I mean losing our ability to really enjoy all the little things in life.
The other day I was driving to Thomas and Erin's cross country meet. The meet was almost two hours away and I had already driven there the day before only to be told it was being cancelled due to the thunderstorm that wouldn't let up. So here I was driving that very same long trip again. I had to leave my youngest daughter at home again and she wasn't very happy about me not being with her so I was dealing with that guilt trip. I was also dealing with hunger because I am trying to cut back in order to lose a few pounds I put on because of my under active thyroid. Besides all this I kept thinking about some drama that's been happening on the cross country team because of some nastiness among the girls. I just wish they could all be nice and get along.
As I drove along, probably with a frown on my face, the headache began to creep up my neck threatening to take over my entire head. This is when I started to think about how I don't really enjoy things that I should be enjoying. I like to go to watch my kids run but somehow it becomes an ordeal to just survive. I made myself look at the scenery and hoped the cup of tea I grabbed before I left would help alleviate the headache.
I'd like to end this with a happy ending. I'd like to be able to say that a light bulb went on and I saw how I was wasting my time spinning around in an unhappy vortex. That I've decided to just take the advice of the song "don't worry, be happy". But its not that easy. This motherhood thing is tough.
As I try to type this my daughter Erin is unhappy because she is out of clean cammies and needs one to be able to go to a sleepover tonight.
Those kinds of things are not going away. I still need to keep plugging along making sure all those things that make our lives work get done. I still need to work through the guilt trips.
Now my other daughter Sarah is nagging me for a starburst and we are negotiating the size of the piece of fudge she will have later. Then she wanted to discuss the latest Scholastic Book order. When I snapped, "not now, I'm doing something", she cowered like I'm the meanest mother on earth.
Where was I...
Oh yeah, I'm going to try to enjoy life more. After I make sure everything else is going smoothly. Oh yeah, that's the problem.
Erin is now asking for a clean pillow case.
So what's the answer? When I figure it out I will let you know. In the meantime, just realize that if you sometimes wonder why you don't enjoy things as much as you used to, you are not alone. Its hard for me to enjoy things like I did. A nice vacation? Sounds like a lot of packing for me to do. Going out to eat? Sounds like I'll gain a few more pounds. Spend a night dancing with the girls? The loud music would only make my headache worse, besides I'd have to stay awake past my bedtime. Some alone time without my kids? I'll just miss them!
Do you have the answer?
ADDENDUM: I woke up this morning and read what I had written and posted yesterday. It seems to get a bit muddled, but I think that is perfect. Its perfect because that is what happens in my life. I get everyone wanting something from me and I can never seem to concentrate on one thing. Then it seems like no one is really happy with me. Then I either get a headache or a frown or both. Then I can't really enjoy whatever I'm doing.
By the way, Sarah got to eat the starburst and fudge and later asked for more starburst. When she groaned when I said only one, I told her she could have two. Not long after that she complained of an upset stomach....sigh.
The other day I was driving to Thomas and Erin's cross country meet. The meet was almost two hours away and I had already driven there the day before only to be told it was being cancelled due to the thunderstorm that wouldn't let up. So here I was driving that very same long trip again. I had to leave my youngest daughter at home again and she wasn't very happy about me not being with her so I was dealing with that guilt trip. I was also dealing with hunger because I am trying to cut back in order to lose a few pounds I put on because of my under active thyroid. Besides all this I kept thinking about some drama that's been happening on the cross country team because of some nastiness among the girls. I just wish they could all be nice and get along.
As I drove along, probably with a frown on my face, the headache began to creep up my neck threatening to take over my entire head. This is when I started to think about how I don't really enjoy things that I should be enjoying. I like to go to watch my kids run but somehow it becomes an ordeal to just survive. I made myself look at the scenery and hoped the cup of tea I grabbed before I left would help alleviate the headache.
I'd like to end this with a happy ending. I'd like to be able to say that a light bulb went on and I saw how I was wasting my time spinning around in an unhappy vortex. That I've decided to just take the advice of the song "don't worry, be happy". But its not that easy. This motherhood thing is tough.
As I try to type this my daughter Erin is unhappy because she is out of clean cammies and needs one to be able to go to a sleepover tonight.
Those kinds of things are not going away. I still need to keep plugging along making sure all those things that make our lives work get done. I still need to work through the guilt trips.
Now my other daughter Sarah is nagging me for a starburst and we are negotiating the size of the piece of fudge she will have later. Then she wanted to discuss the latest Scholastic Book order. When I snapped, "not now, I'm doing something", she cowered like I'm the meanest mother on earth.
Where was I...
Oh yeah, I'm going to try to enjoy life more. After I make sure everything else is going smoothly. Oh yeah, that's the problem.
Erin is now asking for a clean pillow case.
So what's the answer? When I figure it out I will let you know. In the meantime, just realize that if you sometimes wonder why you don't enjoy things as much as you used to, you are not alone. Its hard for me to enjoy things like I did. A nice vacation? Sounds like a lot of packing for me to do. Going out to eat? Sounds like I'll gain a few more pounds. Spend a night dancing with the girls? The loud music would only make my headache worse, besides I'd have to stay awake past my bedtime. Some alone time without my kids? I'll just miss them!
Do you have the answer?
ADDENDUM: I woke up this morning and read what I had written and posted yesterday. It seems to get a bit muddled, but I think that is perfect. Its perfect because that is what happens in my life. I get everyone wanting something from me and I can never seem to concentrate on one thing. Then it seems like no one is really happy with me. Then I either get a headache or a frown or both. Then I can't really enjoy whatever I'm doing.
By the way, Sarah got to eat the starburst and fudge and later asked for more starburst. When she groaned when I said only one, I told her she could have two. Not long after that she complained of an upset stomach....sigh.
Saturday, September 29, 2007
NEW THINGS
Lately I have been doing a couple of new things. At the end of the summer when my kids started getting in shape for cross country running I also started "running". Its probably more of a jog but my son says its okay to say running. He has a speedometer on his bike and I started out averaging less than 4 mph but the last time he timed me I was doing an average of 4.8 mph. Our neighborhood has some steep hills so 4.8 mph is not bad. I'm sure I look like a fat, middle aged housewife puffing and sweating but I try to picture myself as a lean mean running machine! I only run about three times a week because I've discovered that my knees need the break in between runs. They only hurt if I run everyday. I learned to do a warm-up run, then stretch, run, then stretch again. This helps to ward off stiffness and seems to make a difference with my knees. I started out with just one mile (at the end of August) but yesterday I ran 2.5 miles. I'm proud of myself because although some people are born to run, I was not! My goal is to get so I can make it at least 3 miles and then next spring I will run in the schools 5K race with my kids. Its nice to have my kids support because part of me will be a little embarrassed. Tom used to be a runner and it'd be nice if he'd join me (at least in practicing).
The other new thing I've been doing is really practicing the keyboard. We got the keyboard a couple of years ago and I sort of learned the basics back then. I practiced for awhile then got away from it. I finally got back to it and really concentrated on learning an easy version of Eine Kleine Nachtmusik. It was tough for me because my left hand had to be keeping a steady beat while my right hand played something else. I persisted and finally got it...pretty much! I wanted to make Moonlight Sonata my next challenge but it may be too tough for me right now. It would be great if I could get good enough to play The Entertainer or Maple Leaf Rag. Someday.....
The other new thing I've been doing is really practicing the keyboard. We got the keyboard a couple of years ago and I sort of learned the basics back then. I practiced for awhile then got away from it. I finally got back to it and really concentrated on learning an easy version of Eine Kleine Nachtmusik. It was tough for me because my left hand had to be keeping a steady beat while my right hand played something else. I persisted and finally got it...pretty much! I wanted to make Moonlight Sonata my next challenge but it may be too tough for me right now. It would be great if I could get good enough to play The Entertainer or Maple Leaf Rag. Someday.....
Monday, September 17, 2007
TRYING YOUR HARDEST, DOING YOUR BEST AND OTHER SUCH NONSENSE
I think that I have a problem that most people would love to have. My kids are quite smart. My kids work really hard at succeeding in everything that they do. They always do their homework, almost always practice their instruments and push themselves to do their very best. All this with a minimal amount of nagging from me. Its as if they've internalized a desire to do well. I've taught them to be conscientious. So what's the problem?
The problem is that I wonder if I've taught them to know when enough is enough. Will they be able to know when to relax? When to say no. Right now I am the one who makes sure that they are not overloaded. I think I do a pretty good job. There are times that I need to slow them down. There are times that I need to give them a little extra push. However, the time is coming very quickly when they will need to make decisions for themselves.
When a student is doing well in school there are extra pressures placed on them. There are levels in high school for the regular, advanced and super advanced students. The more advanced you are, the more work you are expected to do. Thomas who is now in 9th grade had to read three books (teachers choice) over the summer and prepare for two social studies tests to be given on the second and third days of school. During the high school open house, I learned that next year Thomas may be recommended to take some AP courses. AP stands for Advanced Placement and are college level courses that can give you college credits if you pass the test. We are warned that these AP courses are super difficult and require much more homework than other courses. If he's doing 1.5 to 2 hours per night of homework now, how much more would be required?
I feel an intense pressure when making decisions about my kids education. Are they capable of doing the work required in these advanced classes? They certainly are but at what price? I'm not sure if I know when enough is enough, how can I expect them to make these kinds of decisions? Thomas graduated 8th grade with the highest GPA out of around 200 students so if I decide he shouldn't take these AP courses, I will look like a lunatic. Why wouldn't I want him to push himself to the max? Because I feel that there are more important things in life than being the best. Or making the most money. On the other hand if I slow them down now will it hurt their chances to be able to accomplish their dreams? Maybe Thomas's dream will be to go to the best engineering college he can get into (only on a scholarship - HAH!). If I hold him back will he resent it later?
In some sense, Thomas is my guinea pig. Erin will follow in his footsteps next year and if she doesn't have the highest GPA in 8th grade she will definitely be in the top five. Sarah is following in their footsteps. I plan to take it one small step at a time and guide them to make decisions that will hopefully lead them to a happy as well as successful life. I can only go by what I think is true and right.
The problem is that I wonder if I've taught them to know when enough is enough. Will they be able to know when to relax? When to say no. Right now I am the one who makes sure that they are not overloaded. I think I do a pretty good job. There are times that I need to slow them down. There are times that I need to give them a little extra push. However, the time is coming very quickly when they will need to make decisions for themselves.
When a student is doing well in school there are extra pressures placed on them. There are levels in high school for the regular, advanced and super advanced students. The more advanced you are, the more work you are expected to do. Thomas who is now in 9th grade had to read three books (teachers choice) over the summer and prepare for two social studies tests to be given on the second and third days of school. During the high school open house, I learned that next year Thomas may be recommended to take some AP courses. AP stands for Advanced Placement and are college level courses that can give you college credits if you pass the test. We are warned that these AP courses are super difficult and require much more homework than other courses. If he's doing 1.5 to 2 hours per night of homework now, how much more would be required?
I feel an intense pressure when making decisions about my kids education. Are they capable of doing the work required in these advanced classes? They certainly are but at what price? I'm not sure if I know when enough is enough, how can I expect them to make these kinds of decisions? Thomas graduated 8th grade with the highest GPA out of around 200 students so if I decide he shouldn't take these AP courses, I will look like a lunatic. Why wouldn't I want him to push himself to the max? Because I feel that there are more important things in life than being the best. Or making the most money. On the other hand if I slow them down now will it hurt their chances to be able to accomplish their dreams? Maybe Thomas's dream will be to go to the best engineering college he can get into (only on a scholarship - HAH!). If I hold him back will he resent it later?
In some sense, Thomas is my guinea pig. Erin will follow in his footsteps next year and if she doesn't have the highest GPA in 8th grade she will definitely be in the top five. Sarah is following in their footsteps. I plan to take it one small step at a time and guide them to make decisions that will hopefully lead them to a happy as well as successful life. I can only go by what I think is true and right.
PICKING APPLES
One of my favorite yearly traditions is apple picking. To get there we drive through the black dirt region of New York. The dirt really is very black and looks so fertile that it seems anything could grow there. It makes me want to stop and fill the back of my van so I could bring it home. Our dirt here is so bad that its a challenge to get even grass to grow. Just before we reach Pine Island we see and smell the onion fields. Onions seem like a strange vegetable to me. The delicate papery outside seems inconsistent with being grown in the dirt. They never seem dirty when you buy them in the store.
After about an hour we arrive in Warwick, NY and pull onto the dirt road leading to our apple orchard of choice. The bumpy road seems to enhance the feeling that we are pioneers heading out to harvest apples in our horse drawn wagon. ZOOM! Back to reality when someone in an SUV whips passed us because we are driving too slow. We literally eat their dust.
There is something so wonderful about that first bite of that first fresh picked McIntosh! As I walk up to the closest tree, I couldn't help but verbalize my anticipation. As I describe how good it will taste, Thomas says something like "oh mom, come on are you trying to kill me!" Earlier in the day he was so hungry for his lunch of left over lasagna, his mouth was wet with drool. His salivary glands were burning with overuse. He pictured them bursting and having saliva shooting from his mouth. We both got a good laugh out of that one!
As we eat our fill of fresh pick apples, we begin to stuff the bag. Every year my family laughs at me because I insist on filling the bag as full as I can get it. After all, if I am paying $18.50 for apples, I want to get my money's worth! The kids seem to have gotten into the cheapskate spirit since they can't help but grab a couple extras as we are leaving the orchard. Am I promoting a form of thievery? Probably but since we are pretty good people we need something to make us imperfect! OKAY, OKAY, I admit it.....I always sample a couple of grapes in the supermarket before I buy them!
After about an hour we arrive in Warwick, NY and pull onto the dirt road leading to our apple orchard of choice. The bumpy road seems to enhance the feeling that we are pioneers heading out to harvest apples in our horse drawn wagon. ZOOM! Back to reality when someone in an SUV whips passed us because we are driving too slow. We literally eat their dust.
There is something so wonderful about that first bite of that first fresh picked McIntosh! As I walk up to the closest tree, I couldn't help but verbalize my anticipation. As I describe how good it will taste, Thomas says something like "oh mom, come on are you trying to kill me!" Earlier in the day he was so hungry for his lunch of left over lasagna, his mouth was wet with drool. His salivary glands were burning with overuse. He pictured them bursting and having saliva shooting from his mouth. We both got a good laugh out of that one!
As we eat our fill of fresh pick apples, we begin to stuff the bag. Every year my family laughs at me because I insist on filling the bag as full as I can get it. After all, if I am paying $18.50 for apples, I want to get my money's worth! The kids seem to have gotten into the cheapskate spirit since they can't help but grab a couple extras as we are leaving the orchard. Am I promoting a form of thievery? Probably but since we are pretty good people we need something to make us imperfect! OKAY, OKAY, I admit it.....I always sample a couple of grapes in the supermarket before I buy them!
Tom and I managed to drag ourselves into the tree for a photo!
Sarah, Erin and Thomas were much more agile getting into the same tree!
Saturday, September 08, 2007
WHERE DID THAT MONTH GO?
Its hard to believe that I didn't post once in August. I was home a lot but decided to just take it easy, knowing that the start of school was coming. Sometimes I wonder why it seems so tough for me to have the kids start school. After all, its them that have to go off and spend their day working. I get a lot of quiet time at home....at least until they come home and my work begins. The first day of school I spent two hours reading through papers and filling out forms. Then there is the self imposed worrying. Do they like their teachers, will they be able to keep up their grades, will their extracurricular activities overwhelm them. Then there are the aggravations. Why does that teacher decide to take points off of the students grades just for being absent (even when they have a legitimate excuse)? Why do we need to show a photo id and sign our kids out when the people handing them over to us know us? Why does the cross country coach make everyone do extra laps when one girl is the only one who walks during practice? So as you can see I have plenty to keep my mind occupied. And who's worrying about me possibly going insane?
For some reason having my first kid going into high school has been a difficult transition. Not for him. He seems absolutely fine. Its me. Its sort of like turning 40. Its the sadness of letting go. For me it's the worry that I'm not letting go enough. I don't want to let him go but the alternative is being over protective. Or over involved. For me its a difficult balancing act. I have never been a mother who is over joyed at the start of school. Never have I said "hooray, my kids are off to school and now I have alone time". I've always been very content to be with my kids. I'm just hoping as time marches on, this does not become a problem for me or him. Part of me wonders how this could ever become a problem but then I see the example of the other families. Once the kids get to be teenagers they seem to become so distance. The parents back off as the kids develop an obvious annoyance with their parents. This is touted as normal. If that's normal, then what are we? Abnormal? Ha ha, only I could worry about something like this!
For some reason having my first kid going into high school has been a difficult transition. Not for him. He seems absolutely fine. Its me. Its sort of like turning 40. Its the sadness of letting go. For me it's the worry that I'm not letting go enough. I don't want to let him go but the alternative is being over protective. Or over involved. For me its a difficult balancing act. I have never been a mother who is over joyed at the start of school. Never have I said "hooray, my kids are off to school and now I have alone time". I've always been very content to be with my kids. I'm just hoping as time marches on, this does not become a problem for me or him. Part of me wonders how this could ever become a problem but then I see the example of the other families. Once the kids get to be teenagers they seem to become so distance. The parents back off as the kids develop an obvious annoyance with their parents. This is touted as normal. If that's normal, then what are we? Abnormal? Ha ha, only I could worry about something like this!
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