POOP

I'm starting to realize that I have a weird fixation on poop. When my kids say, "Mom, I don't feel well", my automatic response is "Do you need to poop?" Then when they tell me that they already pooped, I ask them what it was like. Was it diarrhea or normal? If they answer diarrhea I find myself asking how bad it was. Just a little mushy or total liquid?

This fixation seemed to start when they were born. I have many memories of examining the contents of diapers and trying to relate it to the health of the baby. Were they constipated? Wow, I didn't realize that pineapples could turn a butt so red? Turns out that Thomas's stomach doesn't agree with oranges.

What's worse, now that the kids are older and they don't want to discuss their poops anymore I've been following the dog around and examining his! In my defense, he has had bouts of diarrhea for the past few months. This has required intense monitoring! Hmmm. They start out kind of green and sometimes are just a weird yellow. What could this mean? Turns out he can no longer tolerate his regular food. The new prescription diet has not only firmed them up, but has also made them a nice brown color! Quite bulky also, since the new food is high fiber! You never realized just how fun poop watching could be!

I'm glad that Beau is feeling better but have no fear, since I am acting as a foster mother to the abandoned cat and kittens, I have four new digestive tracts to follow! As I guessed, the mother's postnatal diarrhea seemed to clear up once her system settled down. I think the one kitten that also had diarrhea was just having a reaction to the antibiotics I gave her to clear up an upper respiratory infection.

All systems are now running smoothly. Although....I'm feeling a bit constipated!

SIMPLE

I am.
Simple.

Many are puffed up with the idea of grandeur.
Thinking they are more special than the others.
But really just insignificant dots in infinity.
What would happen if one dot was missing?
Nothing.
If you put uniqueness on a scale that reached to infinity the difference in each human would be unnoticable.

Everyone is just as simple as I am.

HAPPY

Yesterday I told Tom that I felt like I needed to conciously get away from negativity. Some of the negative things I can't run from, like the death of a neighbor's 20 year old son. Very sad. However, I can get away from negativity like neighborhood gossip or dwelling on some of the crazy things my kid's teachers do. Just an example before I stop. Erin's science teacher had a 5 question "notebook" test. "What was the homework assignment on such and such date?" "What was the topic heading on such and such date?". These were the two questions that Erin got wrong and ended up with a 60% on the test. She seems to be able to answer actual science questions fine! She also does all her assignments although apparently she didn't write that particular one down in her notebook. She told me that is because his assignments are sometimes "Remember that the book fair is tonight" or "Get your test signed by your parent". Sort of dumb to write down. She didn't know they would be on her science test.

SEE WHAT I MEAN WITH GETTING STUCK INTO THIS NEGATIVITY!

So instead I will dwell on good things!

Tom got to drive Sarah to ballet yesterday. Conversations with Sarah can always be interesting. Among her comments were "Daddy, will you ever take less pills?" The big joke around here is that when we go on a trip, Tom needs an extra suitcase for all his medications. When he's eating supper he needs to save some room for his pills! Poor Tom, hee hee!

Another thing Sarah made note of is that we are not rich in money but we are rich in good things like happiness! Yeah, Sarah!

Another thing that recently made me smile was Erin's first cross country race. Before the race she kept hoping that she wouldn't come in last, however, she was convinced that she would come in last. The day of the race came and I was there snapping pictures of my kids as well as all the other runners. I had to wait some time before Erin neared the finish line. I cheered her on and snapped a picture as she ran by. Then I didn't see anyone behind her. So, convinced that she was indeed last I walked off to find her and give her a hug. As I was doing this I noticed a few other runners were still coming in. I couldn't believe that I had been convinced she would be last! I ran to get a picture of the last runner on her team.

And Thomas? He just makes me happy puttering along in his own little striped shirt world.

WHY?

Why do people save their goodness for times when things are going bad? I noticed that when I was going through all this health scare that some people who wouldn't usually bother to communicate with me, were suddenly full of compassion. They were calling and wondering how things were. I know I should appreciate this new found attention but I don't. I very much appreciate the people in my life who like me when things are going good as well as being there for me when things go bad. I often hear people say that hard times bring people together. That seems to be true, but I notice when the hard times are over people go back to the same old bickering and drama. So, that's why I get annoyed.

Likewise, why is it that when someone dies they become the most wonderful person ever? Its not that I want people to go to funerals and start criticizing the deceased. Its just that I think people should show a little more caring for the living. I can think of numerous times that the people who seemed to hate a person when they were alive were sobbing with sadness at that persons funeral. Could it be that the people who are crying are upset from their own guilt? I can even find that acceptable if those people then learn from that experience. That's not what I've observed though. On TV and in magazine articles I've often found that people claim that a traumatic event had "changed them forever". But my day to day experience has shown that people aren't changed forever. If that were the case then most of us would be walking around being more loving and understanding. Wouldn't that be nice.

FINALLY SOME GOOD NEWS

Friday I went to see my neurosurgeon about my pituitary tumor. I got copies of my MRI films, the written report and all the blood tests I had done. I walked into his office and just after I sat down, he said "so I have your MRI and it looks like everything is okay". Now, what was I supposed to say to someone who thinks its okay to have a tumor? I said "Well, I wouldn't say everything is okay when there is a tumor there." He then proceeded to explain to me that the "soft tissue mass" that shows up on the MRI is "more than likely not a tumor". Probably just scar tissue but from the previous surgery. The only way of telling for sure is to do another MRI in six months. He said the first thing for me to do is to stop worrying. When I had first read the MRI report, I had thought the radiologist was being wishy washy when he used words like "appears" and "may be". I have never met the radiologist but have the utmost trust in my neurosurgeon. He spent time to review the films with me, point out how perfect my pituitary gland was looking. How the spot where the old tumor was located was still free from tumor. He also showed me the mass that the radiologist was referring to. Its "adjacent" to the pituitary and doesn't look like a tumor to me, and apparently it doesn't look like a tumor to the neurosurgeon. The only wee little worry is "what the heck is it then". I trust my neurosurgeon enough, that I know that if it looked suspicious he would be alerted. Instead of worrying, I'm going to follow his advice and just stop worrying!

SHOCKED

I've been living in shock for almost a week now. I've been going to doctors and getting tested for this and that. When I found out that I had a fibroid tumor I was surprised but not really worried. Then during a visit last week with my new endocrinologist I found out that the pituitary tumor I had removed 12 years ago has come back. I have an appointment with the neurosurgeon who removed the first pituitary tumor this friday. We will discuss what can be done about it this time. On that same day I found out that my thyroid is underactive and I will need to take medication for the rest of my life. They will do a needle biopsy of the nodule that is on my thyroid in order to rule out anything serious.

Do you know what's really funny? I feel fine. I have all this bad stuff wrong with me, and I feel fine! DO YOU HEAR ME...I FEEL FINE!!!! It must all be a dream. WAKE UP ELISE, WAKE UP!!!

As far as how serious all this is, it could be worse. The operation for the tumor is pretty delicate, but I have a really good surgeon. They go in through your nose. Pretty interesting.