Lately I've been thinking about how we will pay for college for our three kids. We have started to save but realize that anything we can put aside will be just a drop in a very large bucket. We have also realized that we are in that financial category where we have enough money to be declined any financial aid, but not enough money to actually be able to pay for college. I haven't discussed my thoughts with many of my friends but the general consensus seems to be "don't worry about it, of course you'll get some financial aid". I wouldn't say I'm "worried" about it, I'm just being realistic. My oldest will be going into high school next year and my well intentioned friends seem to think I can't predict what will happen four years from now when he's ready to go to college. So far in life, my thought processes have brought me success, so I've decided that I will continue to plan in my own ways.
This is the point where we started to discuss the possibility of me going back to work. I've been staying home raising my kids for 14 years now. I realized all along that I would want to do something once my kids got older but wasn't sure what it would be. I thought of volunteering in non-paying jobs. I thought of going back to school to start a new career. I have always said I would never go back to engineering. It would be difficult since my husband is also an engineer and it sometimes requires a lot of travel. How would we work it out if we both had business trips at the same time? The commute to the job is at least an hour each way and my husband leaves at 5:30 am and gets home at 5:30 pm. Also, after being out for so many years, would I be accepted back? These things and the fact that I wanted to be home with my kids kept me from going back all these years. We haven't been able to save as much money as I thought we would and now engineering is looking like an attractive way to fund our kid's college education. I can make quite a bit of money in engineering.
The more we thought about it, the better it seemed. I would still wait another four years when Thomas was just going into college and my youngest would just be going into high school. Afterall, when I've already been out for 14 years, what's another 4? For me the four additional years would give me peace of mind that my kids would be totally okay. Any changes would be minor for them, such as having to get off the at the bus stop and walk the quarter mile home rain or shine. Yes, I realize many people would say I seem over protective but these are my decisions and feelings. I respect other people's decisions when it comes to working or not and feel no need to defend my decisions. I only say this because there is that "mommy wars" thing going on - actually, I consider my self a non-participator in that war, a conscientious objector of sorts. I've always been happy staying home and am too busy trying to do a good job raising my own children to spend time judging others. With that said, back to the main topic.
So, four years from now I will more than likely be trying to go back to engineering. I left a government job 14 years ago and would try to be "reinstated". I have confidence that I am capable of the job and feel mostly confident that the bosses will think I'm worth rehiring. Its a large installation and it will probably be a matter of interviewing until someone says yes. Its funny because there's a thing that happens to women who leave the workforce. It's very easy to lose confidence in your working ability. Am I too stupid to work anymore? Will I be in over my head? I think I have a pretty good handle on this, but still somewhere deep inside me is that doubt. That will definitely be a positive benefit for me. Once I go back to work I can leave that feeling behind. Another thing that happens to women who stay home is a feeling of dependence. I often jokingly say that I am leeching off my husband. Behind that joke is a slightly uneasy feeling for me. It doesn't come from my husband because he has totally jumped on the bandwagon of "our money" even though he earns it. Also, I totally handle all finances so it doesn't come from that. It comes from the independent streak I have that I want to rely on myself. On some level it bothers me that the money I spend is not earned by me. Obviously, this is not a big problem for me, otherwise I wouldn't have survived these past 14 years but still its there. It will be nice however to be contributing financially.
With all the positive benefits of me working I will be able to handle the downsides. My only unhappiness will come from the fact that I will be asking my youngest to sacrifice. Its much easier for me to sacrifice than for me to ask my kids to sacrifice. The real change is that she won't have me 24/7 like the other two did. This is something that has been very important to me all these years. Since she will be older its not something that is a show stopper for me or for her but its still a change.
So, it seems what the obvious choice is.
A final note: I've purposely tried to limit the amount that I defend my positions. Because of those infamous mommy wars I sometimes feel like I should defend myself. Sometimes I've felt like I should make it clear that I mean no judgement of others - for example, when I say it is very important for me to be here for my kids 24/7 I am not saying I think EVERYONE should be there for their kids 24/7! The 24/7 thing probably is more for me than for my kids anyway! My blog is not about defending or pacifying. Its about writing to sort out and record my thoughts and the things happening in my life. And just maybe there are a couple people out there who will find it interesting...or not. With that said, comments are still always welcome here.
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2 comments:
I think we should all be conscientious objectors in the mommy wars--that's a great phrase, btw. Different things work for different people, and a different times, those things may change. Doesn't seem that complicated.
As to your going back to work, I think that anyone who has run a household for 14 years has managerial skills that an employer should value!
landismom - I will probably try not to bring up my big absense when on interviews but if they bring it up, I will emphasize that I think that I will make an even better employee since being a parent has only improved my work ethic. So many times we want to give up but as a parent we can't. We know how to keep plugging along.
As far as the mommy wars I unfortunately have to admit that in the past I may have been judmental over various things having to do with parenting or sometimes I may have come acrossed as judgemental even when I wasn't. But I am proud to say I have grown so much in these 14 years. Live and let live is now my motto.
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