MIGRAINE NEWS

On September 30th I went on an anti seizure medication to try and control my migraines. I did not have any migraines in the month of October. In November I had three. Every time I get another migraine I get a depressed sort of feeling. I had a lot of hope for this new medicine. The first two migraines came close together and I thought maybe it was a fluke. Then I got that third one.

Even with these migraines I feel that there are a lot of good things about this medicine. As soon as I went on it I started to feel different. My brain seemed to be working better. The only time my brain hasn't been working better was during the days following my three migraines. A lot of my other weird symptoms have gotten quite a bit better. Again, they seemed to only flare up during my migraine episodes.

I go back to see the neurologist in the middle of December. I want to be migraine free but at this point I am not sure if that is possible. I'm also a little scared that if I switch medications my brain will stop being okay. I can't explain to you how frustrating it was to lose that mental function. Its as if I went to from being a relatively smart person to a relatively stupid person. I have never been able to explain this fully to anyone. The only people who truly understand are my husband and my three kids. They witnessed it first hand. They understand what I mean when I say I was out of it. I tried to explain this to the neurologist when I saw him but I don't think he got it. I will try to explain it to him again because I think it is so important, since this medicine has made such a difference.

I think I've gotten pretty much all of my brain back - except for those migraine moments or when I am tired. Now that I've gotten it back I realize how much I was missing. I've recently started reading a Stephen King novel and realized that I hadn't been reading adult books anymore. Last year I started to read the same books that my 8th grade daughter was reading. Although I could follow the adult books, it was just too exhausting and it sucked all the fun out of it. Another thing that I've started doing again is learning to play the keyboard. Last year I had started to teach myself how to play. I have always wanted to learn to play piano and the keyboard is the next best thing. I don't know quite when I stopped but things like that had just fallen by the wayside. I just didn't have the mental ability or energy to do them anymore. I am still lacking in the energy department but have enough to do nonphysical things like playing the keyboard. The bit of physical energy that has returned is generally used up on housework. I'm okay with that, its nice to have my house somewhat organized.

If I look at things in terms of the last 10 months I see a big difference in my health. I think that I have been slowly getting better with occasional setbacks. I am leery of saying that I am truly getting better because it seems that the bad spells that I have come out of nowhere. I can't rule out the possibility that tomorrow I will suddenly have a terrible month that leaves me in bed for days at a time with my brain spinning with chaos. Sounds oh so dramatic but that is what happened to me in February/March. I try to stay positive but its been difficult. Its awful living this way, not knowing when these episodes will strike. Its awful wondering if this is what my life will always be like. Is this something that I will have to accept as the norm for me?

I usually try to end my posts with a sentence that wraps everything up into some sort of conclusion. It seems that this time I can't really do that. My migraine news seems sort of open ended so this is how I will leave it.