HOW DO THEY DO IT?

I often times wonder how my kids manage to survive going to school. Thomas is in his first year of college, Erin is in her senior year of high school and Sarah is in ninth grade. Sure they complain about things. Too much work, crummy group partners, crummy teachers, crummy friends. You know, all the usual. But they keep waking up each day and heading off to school.

So why are they able to do this? When I really think about it, a big factor is that they have young strong bodies! As a person gets older they don't even realize how decrepit they've become! They don't suddenly wake up with aches, pains and unexplained tiredness. I know, I know, there are people who move into their older years and are in great shape. They eat healthy, exercise and go to bed on time. Many people don't do this and kids NEVER do this! They get to stay up late, eat junk food and sit using the computer for hours and all that happens to them is a little tiredness and maybe some puffy eyes! Their puffy eyes go away, mine are here to stay!

I think another factor that allows our kids to survive school is that they are used to being told what to do. As adults, we've had at least a taste of freedom to make our own choices. If you really think about it, kids have little freedom. If they try to veer off the path into what we consider laziness, we are right there to nag at them. If they have a headache after school, the fear of getting in trouble with the teacher is what gets them to do their homework. They really have no option of quitting. They see what happens to the kids that rebel and don't do their homework and don't pay attention in school. We are quick to remind them "you don't want to end up flipping burgers do you?!" We'd all like to believe that we show our kids unconditional love. We may claim that we love them unconditionally but if they don't do what we say, we certainly don't show them that love!

The reason I am thinking of this today is that I just read a blog of a woman who went back to college since her kids are getting older and need less of her time. She looks around at all the younger people and wonders how they are able to party and still make it to class with their homework complete. Besides the reasons I wrote about above, I think it is a matter of priorities. A parent has spent years raising their kids. We may be good at nagging our kids but they are also good at nagging us. It may not be obvious but they have their ways! Those complaints, tears and frustrations of our kids eat away at our brains! Sometimes it may appear that we parents are not even doing anything for them but if you are like me, your kids seem to be constantly in your thoughts. For me the thoughts of "should I handle this issue this way or that way" are exhausting! AND, I feel that they are oh so important. When something is important to my kids, it becomes important to me. When someone is important to my kids, they become important to me. The importance may be from a good situation or from a bad one. These important issues require physical as well as emotional support. The physical support has an obvious, tangible result but the emotional stuff remains in our heads....or at least part of it does! That just brings me to how much defending I do. I know that the usual advice is to let our kids fight their own battles but I find it impossible when I see that often times kids have no voice. They may be dismissed and told that they must respect and obey their elders. Fortunately I am now an "elder" and can speak up for them!

This all comes at a cost to our energy level. Just because our kids get older and less dependent on physical support, the emotional support seems to only become greater. We are told as parents to "take care of ourselves" but I challenge the person who doesn't take into account our desire to help our kids on their path to adulthood. We only have one chance to at least make an attempt to get it right. Yes, we can TRY to take care of ourselves but who really puts them self first? Who could sit back and NOT invest the necessary energy? I don't think anyone should underestimate the power our concern for our kids has over us. So, my hat goes off to any person who decides to go back to college! They are a person who is walking in their kids shoes without giving up their parent's shoes! I guess maybe they have one of each on!