WEARY

I feel weary. Weary of people. Lately I am left wondering why people have so much trouble interacting with each other. Why is it that simple things seem to become so difficult? Why is it that people seem to want to cause other people anguish? Sometimes I am just in a position to be observing people hurting each other and other times it seems that people want to hurt me. Even the nicest people sometimes hurt others in an attempt to make themselves feel better.

Often times I am able to understand why people say the things that they do but sometimes I am just dumbfounded. I question why, what benefit is there in putting others down. Some people have the trait of wanting to watch others squirm. I have sometimes been put into the situation where someone has made me squirm. Once I am over the uncomfortable situation I look back and wonder what kind of person finds satisfaction in that kind of torture. How does that make them feel better about themselves?

Whenever I am trying to understand these kinds of things I analyze myself to see if I have ever done something similar. I am pretty sure that I do not purposely try to make anyone squirm. Doing this would mean that the other person would act embarrassed. I find it very uncomfortable if I have made someone else embarrassed so I do not think that I purposely try to make people squirm.

I often call this mean teasing. I come from a family that has a tendency to tease others in a nasty kind of way. In the past when I have been around them I admit that I have been guilty of joining in on the torture. It's almost as if I was compelled to take a side and I knew I didn't want to be on the losing side! However, I can say that I have never gotten enjoyment out of it. I would always come away from the interaction with a shameful unhappy feeling. I wonder if the others feel this as well.

For me, I think one thing that is difficult is that I often times laugh at myself and then I assume that others will laugh at themselves as well. A simple example is that I am one of those people who loves to talk. I can joke about myself talking someone's ear off. I would assume that the other talkers out there could laugh at themselves as well, so I would assume that teasing them about it would not fall under the mean teasing category. But maybe it would. This is a gray area where I find that I need to watch others' reactions to make sure I haven't offended anyone. I can say for sure, I do not enjoy making people squirm!