QUE SERA, SERA

Dear Friend,

I read a few blogs and wonder if other people feel pressure to write frequent posts. I do not have followers to my blog so I never feel pressure to keep on posting. Its nice to be able to write when I want or not write if I don't want to.

My current phase of parenting involves preparing my kids for the fast approaching world of adulthood. Thomas is a sophomore in high school and Erin is a freshman. Sarah is still in sixth grade so she's got a ways to go. As my teenagers pick classes for next year, we begin to talk about college and the future. With these discussions come choices that seemingly will affect how they will live the rest of their lives.

I strongly feel that I want to guide my children in the direction that is best for them. On the one hand you have society's pressure that a person must reach their full potential. Give 100% to be the best that you can be. Then on the other hand I wonder if that is the best way to lead a fulfilling and happy life. Do we really need to spend every moment working as hard as we are capable of working? What will make us truly happy? My kids have the ability to get accepted at one of the top colleges but is that really what they want to do? Work their butts off and then what? Is the satisfied feeling of a job well done really enough? Does that kind of success really buy happiness? Maybe when they graduate college they will get a top paying job. A high pressure job. Then can they buy happiness? I think not.

As Thomas pointed out to me "Mom, I notice that no one talks about being happy." He said this when we were discussing how people were giving him advice on what classes to take next year. When he went to sign up for next year's schedule he had been recommended to take six college level advanced placement (AP) classes. When he said that he only wanted to take two AP classes the guidance counselor told him that he either had to take all six or meet with the teachers to discuss why he didn't want to take them. I knew from previous experience that all that was necessary was a phone call from me to remind them that I needed to sign off on the schedule and I wouldn't do that unless they listened to what Thomas wanted.

I've warned Thomas that many people in his life will want to give him free advice and that most of these people will not have his best interests in mind. The guidance counselor trying to persuade Thomas to take six AP courses is a perfect example of this. The more kids that fill the school's AP courses, the better the school looks. But as one of the AP teachers pointed out, "its at the children's expense". No one is really interested in what Thomas's life will be like ten years down the line.

So I am left with the dilemma whether I push my children to reach their full potential or do I let them know its okay to sit back and relax. Where is the line that gives them the balance that will see them through. Grades, SAT scores, extra curricular activities, college acceptance, high paying job....how much of it really matters. Will they be any happier than the Grand Union cashier who once told me "I LOVE MY JOB!!" and she really meant it?

At this point I've done what I've done. I've raised them to have a good work ethic. Is this work ethic too strong? I may never know. They will need to make their own way in this world and I hope that they will recognize what makes them happy and what makes them unhappy. I can only sit back and hope for the best.