Dear Friend,
I read a few blogs and wonder if other people feel pressure to write frequent posts. I do not have followers to my blog so I never feel pressure to keep on posting. Its nice to be able to write when I want or not write if I don't want to.
My current phase of parenting involves preparing my kids for the fast approaching world of adulthood. Thomas is a sophomore in high school and Erin is a freshman. Sarah is still in sixth grade so she's got a ways to go. As my teenagers pick classes for next year, we begin to talk about college and the future. With these discussions come choices that seemingly will affect how they will live the rest of their lives.
I strongly feel that I want to guide my children in the direction that is best for them. On the one hand you have society's pressure that a person must reach their full potential. Give 100% to be the best that you can be. Then on the other hand I wonder if that is the best way to lead a fulfilling and happy life. Do we really need to spend every moment working as hard as we are capable of working? What will make us truly happy? My kids have the ability to get accepted at one of the top colleges but is that really what they want to do? Work their butts off and then what? Is the satisfied feeling of a job well done really enough? Does that kind of success really buy happiness? Maybe when they graduate college they will get a top paying job. A high pressure job. Then can they buy happiness? I think not.
As Thomas pointed out to me "Mom, I notice that no one talks about being happy." He said this when we were discussing how people were giving him advice on what classes to take next year. When he went to sign up for next year's schedule he had been recommended to take six college level advanced placement (AP) classes. When he said that he only wanted to take two AP classes the guidance counselor told him that he either had to take all six or meet with the teachers to discuss why he didn't want to take them. I knew from previous experience that all that was necessary was a phone call from me to remind them that I needed to sign off on the schedule and I wouldn't do that unless they listened to what Thomas wanted.
I've warned Thomas that many people in his life will want to give him free advice and that most of these people will not have his best interests in mind. The guidance counselor trying to persuade Thomas to take six AP courses is a perfect example of this. The more kids that fill the school's AP courses, the better the school looks. But as one of the AP teachers pointed out, "its at the children's expense". No one is really interested in what Thomas's life will be like ten years down the line.
So I am left with the dilemma whether I push my children to reach their full potential or do I let them know its okay to sit back and relax. Where is the line that gives them the balance that will see them through. Grades, SAT scores, extra curricular activities, college acceptance, high paying job....how much of it really matters. Will they be any happier than the Grand Union cashier who once told me "I LOVE MY JOB!!" and she really meant it?
At this point I've done what I've done. I've raised them to have a good work ethic. Is this work ethic too strong? I may never know. They will need to make their own way in this world and I hope that they will recognize what makes them happy and what makes them unhappy. I can only sit back and hope for the best.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Sunday, February 08, 2009
SPRING IS COMING!
Dear Friend,
February is a month of contradictions for me. I am quite sick of winter by this time. The thought that spring will not come until April and I still have to survive March is a bit depressing. On the other hand, it makes me appreciate all the little signs that spring is right around the corner. Every year I notice some new thing that signals the coming of the warm weather. The first sign I always notice are the birds singing their new songs. I guess they are letting potential mates know that they are almost ready to start a family.
I've been walking Beau through the woods this year instead of on the road and I've noticed even more signs there. I see mouse tracks going from hole to hole. They are starting to come out of their miniature dens. I like to picture them hopping about. I see an extra long trail that starts out with a lot of distance between tracks until the mouse tires and the hops are shorter. I see the trail that sinks deep into the snow...a fat mouse? There are small tunnels close to the surface of the snow, I guess these must be moles. I see where the squirrels are now digging down through the snow to get to acorns that they stashed last fall. This is new and I wonder if maybe they first eat the ones stored in trees and now they are getting more desperate.
The weather has been warming up these past couple of days and I appreciate this more than I would once spring is here in full force. Every day that the thermometer gets into the 40's is a blessing in disguise! I know that the temperature will plunge once again but the closer we get to spring the less dramatic the fluctuations will be.
By February the windows on the vehicles are so encrusted with salt that we have trouble seeing out of them. Yesterday Tom went to wash the van at the car wash as a birthday present for me. With the warm weather people were out in droves washing their cars. The human hibernation is over!
So, although February can be draining it can also be inspiring. I don't take all those little things for granted.....once spring is here I will be happy but complaining about those monster Pennsylvania black flies swarming about my head!
February is a month of contradictions for me. I am quite sick of winter by this time. The thought that spring will not come until April and I still have to survive March is a bit depressing. On the other hand, it makes me appreciate all the little signs that spring is right around the corner. Every year I notice some new thing that signals the coming of the warm weather. The first sign I always notice are the birds singing their new songs. I guess they are letting potential mates know that they are almost ready to start a family.
I've been walking Beau through the woods this year instead of on the road and I've noticed even more signs there. I see mouse tracks going from hole to hole. They are starting to come out of their miniature dens. I like to picture them hopping about. I see an extra long trail that starts out with a lot of distance between tracks until the mouse tires and the hops are shorter. I see the trail that sinks deep into the snow...a fat mouse? There are small tunnels close to the surface of the snow, I guess these must be moles. I see where the squirrels are now digging down through the snow to get to acorns that they stashed last fall. This is new and I wonder if maybe they first eat the ones stored in trees and now they are getting more desperate.
The weather has been warming up these past couple of days and I appreciate this more than I would once spring is here in full force. Every day that the thermometer gets into the 40's is a blessing in disguise! I know that the temperature will plunge once again but the closer we get to spring the less dramatic the fluctuations will be.
By February the windows on the vehicles are so encrusted with salt that we have trouble seeing out of them. Yesterday Tom went to wash the van at the car wash as a birthday present for me. With the warm weather people were out in droves washing their cars. The human hibernation is over!
So, although February can be draining it can also be inspiring. I don't take all those little things for granted.....once spring is here I will be happy but complaining about those monster Pennsylvania black flies swarming about my head!
Thursday, January 29, 2009
UNSOLICITED ADVICE
Dear Friend,
I have a relationship that I've been thinking about a lot. This person continuously gives me unsolicited advice. She does have a lot of redeeming qualities. She can be very nice and caring. She can also be sort of mean. I use the words sort of because she is never blatant in her meanness. She's a know-it-all who loves to tell people what to do. She analyzes everything I tell her and tells me what I'm doing wrong. Nothing makes her happier than to tell someone "I told you so." She talks behind her friends backs. She considers me a friend and I know she talks behind my back as well.
I've tried to figure out why I've become friends with her. Am I somehow attracted to her because I need to be abused? Do I feel as if I deserve this? It's said that people treat us the way they do because we let them. Do I need to stop her from treating me this way? Do I need to end the friendship? Right now I feel as if I'm in a holding pattern. I have resorted to being careful with everything I tell her until I fiure this thing out. Its been a way to protect myself from hurtfulness.
Its on my mind because I feel that I am on the cusp of understanding something significant. I'm on the edge of figuring this out but I can't quite get a grip on it. There are many people like her. I don't think they really search out weak people. She's in discriminant in who she inflicts herself on. The only thing that changes is how people react to her. It has helped me to look at all people that have similar characteristics. I thought about all people who try to have power over others. They may all do it in different ways but the bottom line is still about power.
Before, I've always felt that her advice is her way of showing she cares. I'm now coming to see things a different way. If she truly cared, she would see that her words often hurt me and she would stop. Instead she seems to enjoys these interactions. I see her with one of those old fashioned ice hooks. She hooks me with her words. I fight and kick but she drags me along anyways. I've been wondering what she gets out of this. I've come to the conclusion that a person like this loves to see people squirm. It makes them feel powerful to control others with their words. And what is power all about? Ego. It boosts their ego. And why would someone need their ego boosted? Because they are insecure. Understanding this will serve me well when dealing with all people.
I'm still formulating my plan for how I will now handle our "friendship" but I'm glad I've gotten this far in my understanding. I need to picture myself being pinned down by one of these bullies and being able to handle it with grace. Unfortunately, I do see this person as a bully. It may seem like a harsh word but I think that is the part that I have been on the edge of understanding. It took me so long to figure this out because it is so harsh. This is a person I called a close friend but this person is indeed a bully.
I have a relationship that I've been thinking about a lot. This person continuously gives me unsolicited advice. She does have a lot of redeeming qualities. She can be very nice and caring. She can also be sort of mean. I use the words sort of because she is never blatant in her meanness. She's a know-it-all who loves to tell people what to do. She analyzes everything I tell her and tells me what I'm doing wrong. Nothing makes her happier than to tell someone "I told you so." She talks behind her friends backs. She considers me a friend and I know she talks behind my back as well.
I've tried to figure out why I've become friends with her. Am I somehow attracted to her because I need to be abused? Do I feel as if I deserve this? It's said that people treat us the way they do because we let them. Do I need to stop her from treating me this way? Do I need to end the friendship? Right now I feel as if I'm in a holding pattern. I have resorted to being careful with everything I tell her until I fiure this thing out. Its been a way to protect myself from hurtfulness.
Its on my mind because I feel that I am on the cusp of understanding something significant. I'm on the edge of figuring this out but I can't quite get a grip on it. There are many people like her. I don't think they really search out weak people. She's in discriminant in who she inflicts herself on. The only thing that changes is how people react to her. It has helped me to look at all people that have similar characteristics. I thought about all people who try to have power over others. They may all do it in different ways but the bottom line is still about power.
Before, I've always felt that her advice is her way of showing she cares. I'm now coming to see things a different way. If she truly cared, she would see that her words often hurt me and she would stop. Instead she seems to enjoys these interactions. I see her with one of those old fashioned ice hooks. She hooks me with her words. I fight and kick but she drags me along anyways. I've been wondering what she gets out of this. I've come to the conclusion that a person like this loves to see people squirm. It makes them feel powerful to control others with their words. And what is power all about? Ego. It boosts their ego. And why would someone need their ego boosted? Because they are insecure. Understanding this will serve me well when dealing with all people.
I'm still formulating my plan for how I will now handle our "friendship" but I'm glad I've gotten this far in my understanding. I need to picture myself being pinned down by one of these bullies and being able to handle it with grace. Unfortunately, I do see this person as a bully. It may seem like a harsh word but I think that is the part that I have been on the edge of understanding. It took me so long to figure this out because it is so harsh. This is a person I called a close friend but this person is indeed a bully.
DEAR FRIEND
The reason I write this blog is to have a diary of the happenings in my life and my thoughts and feelings about those happenings. Although I do not really have a following like some bloggers do, I like that this is public because it keeps me from revealing names or saying really hurtful things. I would not want a journal that displays just a meanness. I purposely do not tell my friends and relatives about this blog because I would have to censor myself in ways that I would not like. I would have to wonder if they would take something the wrong way or think that I was talking about them. I've found in my interactions with my friends and relatives they are often very sensitive and manage to twist my words to make themselves believe I've hurt them. Maybe its true that I am a mean person but I've learned to try to be careful with what I say. In the end however, I feel as if I'm only talking about mundane things with them. Whether I'm mean or not, this is who I am and I feel I've changed enough.
So with all this in mind I've decided to treat this blog as a good friend. A good friend who will not judge me, who listens with interest and is not overly sensitive.
So with all this in mind I've decided to treat this blog as a good friend. A good friend who will not judge me, who listens with interest and is not overly sensitive.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
WANT ME TO PLAY YOU A SONG?
I've been teaching myself to play the keyboard. I've wanted to learn to play the piano since I was a teenager. A piano was too expensive and heavy so instead we bought a used keyboard. I looked up some basic information on the Internet and printed out a few easy songs and away I went.
It has helped that my son plays quite well. I've counted on him to play songs for me so I'll know how they sound and also to recommend what I should learn next. Right now he is pushing me to move on to learn the next song...I think he's pushing for the easy version of the Entertainer. I'm not sure if he's pushing because he really thinks I'm ready or he is just sick of hearing Fur Elise over and over and over! My mantra has now become "Want me to play you a song? Guess what it will be?" I think part of the reason that I've become obsessed with this particular song is that my name is Elise. After all it was written fur me!
Obsession is definitely the word for what's going on here. One day I played so much my vision was blurry and I felt dizzy (part of my unhealthiness). Its sort of weird because I am not a person who becomes obsessed with things. My attention span is just too short. In this case I guess I've just always had this goal of being able to play and I really want that dream to come true. I want to get to the point that I am no longer struggling to play the notes but I'm playing with feeling.
I have Scott Joplin on CD and love The Entertainer. I always listen to his music and can feel his emotions and now I want to be able to play it with emotions. I guess I'm ready....on to The Entertainer!
It has helped that my son plays quite well. I've counted on him to play songs for me so I'll know how they sound and also to recommend what I should learn next. Right now he is pushing me to move on to learn the next song...I think he's pushing for the easy version of the Entertainer. I'm not sure if he's pushing because he really thinks I'm ready or he is just sick of hearing Fur Elise over and over and over! My mantra has now become "Want me to play you a song? Guess what it will be?" I think part of the reason that I've become obsessed with this particular song is that my name is Elise. After all it was written fur me!
Obsession is definitely the word for what's going on here. One day I played so much my vision was blurry and I felt dizzy (part of my unhealthiness). Its sort of weird because I am not a person who becomes obsessed with things. My attention span is just too short. In this case I guess I've just always had this goal of being able to play and I really want that dream to come true. I want to get to the point that I am no longer struggling to play the notes but I'm playing with feeling.
I have Scott Joplin on CD and love The Entertainer. I always listen to his music and can feel his emotions and now I want to be able to play it with emotions. I guess I'm ready....on to The Entertainer!
HAPPY NEW YEAR?
As 2009 progresses I am wondering if this will be the year that I'll get my life back. I spent much I 2008 mired in all my health issues. I would wake up thinking about how awful I felt and go to sleep thinking how awful I felt. I was constantly wondering what was wrong with me and what would make me better. I can remember being in the midst of everything thinking that it had literally hijacked my life.
Somewhere along the way I realized that there wasn't going to be a magic pill to make me feel better. I think this realization happened gradually over the course of several months. I can't say that this realization was what made me stop thinking about my health constantly. What has really done that, is the fact that I do indeed feel better than I did for most of 2008. I am wary of this new found health. On the one hand I appreciate feeling better and on the other hand I wonder how long it will last. When will I be thrown back into the grip of sickness. Grip is the perfect word for how I felt. I wanted it to let go, but it seemed to be holding too tight.
I am not taking this time for granted. I appreciate my health for what it is. Not perfect but better. I have hope for the New Year.
Somewhere along the way I realized that there wasn't going to be a magic pill to make me feel better. I think this realization happened gradually over the course of several months. I can't say that this realization was what made me stop thinking about my health constantly. What has really done that, is the fact that I do indeed feel better than I did for most of 2008. I am wary of this new found health. On the one hand I appreciate feeling better and on the other hand I wonder how long it will last. When will I be thrown back into the grip of sickness. Grip is the perfect word for how I felt. I wanted it to let go, but it seemed to be holding too tight.
I am not taking this time for granted. I appreciate my health for what it is. Not perfect but better. I have hope for the New Year.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
MY YEAR IN REVIEW
CHAPTER 1
CHAPTER 1
I started the year on a new medication that was supposed to get rid of my migraines. I had started to get a lot the previous October. It seemed to be helping until February when I had a really bad spell. Let's just say that they call it "migraine disease" because its not just a headache. Lucky Tom, he was home recovering from his shoulder surgery during my worse week where I got a migraine 6 out of 7 days and I was in bed with a brain that was barely functioning...somewhat scary for me since my vision was not working properly. He took care of the kids, he managed to drive them to school and back. Anyway, Tom's surgery was to remove a calcium deposit that had built up and was limiting the movement in his arm so he couldn't raise it over his head. It was causing quite a bit of pain and had gotten to the point that it was interrupting his sleep. The surgeon who removed it did a very good job. So good in fact that he had told us that he hadn't gotten all of the deposit but when I asked him to show me the remainder on the xray at Tom's follow-up visit he just said "hmmm, good question I must have done better than I thought!" Tom has another less painful deposit in the other shoulder...someday.
So eventually when my brain cleared enough to think a little I decided to change doctors. I researched and decided on one that had excellent reviews in Philadelphia (also an office in NJ). I went to him at the beginning of June. He discovered I had an iron deficiency and I've been on iron ever since. Also changed my thyroid medication. Just to finish up about me, me, me....I went to the Jefferson Headache Center in Philadelphia at the end of September and am now on an anti seizure med (no, I don't get seizures but it helps with migraines). I also just started on Magnesium which is supposed to help. I can honestly say that I feel much better than in February but I am still very far from being 100%. My plan for the new year is to hope my health gets better and better and I can begin to get back into shape. Thomas and I walked 2.5 miles yesterday (using the new Christmas handheld GPS we got the family for Christmas) and I didn't get a migraine. Small steps. It'd be nice to lose the extra 15-20 lbs I've gained since becoming unhealthy, heck, I'd be nice to lose the extra 15 pounds I gained from being pregnant with Sarah (now 12 years old) but I'm going to focus more on feeling better. This all started in 2006 and this spring it will be three years that I've been struggling with this, enough already.
CHAPTER 2
So on to happy stuff. In January before I went down hill Erin and I were sitting around and we got an idea! ROAD TRIP! We both had always wanted to go to Dollywood, it must have been that special we had seen on TV. So I began to plan out a trip for June as soon as the kids were out of school. On the way down we went on the Cape May ferry. It was fun to have our van on a boat! The Chesapeake Bay bridge and tunnel was pretty neat too. We stopped first in New Port News, VA. We went to Busch Gardens as well as Colonial Williamsburg. It was fun but hot as heck and I was wondering how we would make it in Tennessee! It turned out it must have been a bit of a heat wave because the rest of the trip was fine.
Next on to Everett's house in Georgia to see all our southern redneck relatives. Just joking, they were all quite sophisticated. It turned out to be the perfect stop for us. At this point in the trip I think we all needed to stay in a real house for a couple of nights. The kids all felt like they were at a resort! Everett's master bath is as big as one of our bedrooms! Erin's getting ideas for her future home....she better stick with school and become a really great biologist! The first thing we did was to go to Everett's community pool. After driving all day it was nice to float around and relax. Back at Everett's house the kids decided to shoot some pool while taking "breaks" to exercise on all of Everett and Denise's equipment. No wonder Everett and Denise are looking so great AND no wonder my kids are so skinny! We all enjoyed the great variety of drinks that they had...sort of like those wet bars in the hotel rooms. The next day we went to the zoo with Everett, (unfortunately Denise had to work). Although Sarah had somewhat of a melt down I had a really great time! Lets just say, when Sarah has had too much excitement the beast from within surfaces but we still love her! Its a shame since she is the one who likes animals the most. The zoo is where I took our Christmas picture in that really neat stand of bamboo.
We had wanted to go to the Japanese restaurant while we were there because we knew that the kids would love it. It met all our expectations and more. I wasn't sure if Erin would like the food because she doesn't really like Chinese food. I've realized that Japanese food is much less greasy and the flavoring is not so overpowering as Chinese food. As a weird coincidence, it was me and Tom's anniversary so we were treated to some sort of umbrella ceremony. The restaurant sent us home with a picture of us and the family and a special set of chopsticks. Everett and Denise treated us to dinner...thanks again guys.
We had a great time at Everetts but on to Tennessee! We made a short trek to Lookout Mountain. We rode the very steep and scary inclined railroad and the entire time discussed what would happen if the cable broke. We did manage some nervous glances at the view. We spent more time looking once we reached the top. We also went to Rock City and walked through and were quite impressed with all the interesting places. I've always enjoyed walking and hiking and it was just enough to be fun but not poop me out. Sarah wouldn't go on the rope bridge and Erin was a little weak in the knees as she crossed but Thomas wanted to bounce up and down. Some yelling ensued and he calmed down. Ha ha. I think my favorite attraction was the Tennessee Aquarium. It has two buildings one for ocean fish and one for fresh water fish. It had some really unusual exhibits. For example the jelly fish. You were in a darkened area with the jelly fish tanks lit up to make them look even neater. The IMAX theater has stadium seating and had a really neat show. Sarah was out of her funk and had a great time.
On to Dollywood. I think that by the time we got there we were all vacationed out. I think we would have enjoyed ourselves more if it had been at the beginning of our trip. I had booked the best hotel room here and it had a kitchen, balcony and a lot of room. They had an indoor and outdoor pool, a small lazy river, two hot tubs and a kiddy pool. It was situated by a small brook were ducks hung out and small rabbits were frolicking. The free breakfast was the best. Needless to say we mostly wanted to spend our time here relaxing. Fortunately we had allowed for one day of doing nothing. We went to Dixie Stampede one night (a dinner show like Medieval Times).
Our final stop was Monticello in Virginia and then finally home.
CHAPTER 3
We were pretty low key the rest of the summer just going to the beach house and spending time there with Maureen (Tom's sister) and her family when she rented her own bungalow. The kids start school the last Monday of August and we needed to get sports physicals for them to run cross country. Erin started high school (9th grade) with some ambivalence but it has turned out that she is quite happy. She is still playing violin and is doing great. She had problems with her legs so spent much of the cross country season not running. Sarah started middle school (6th grade) with ME having some ambivalence but she is doing great. She's quite smart and if she could just stop worrying then she would realize this! She's still playing viola and is on the math team - quite an accomplishment for a 6th grader. Thomas is in 10th grade....he's just happy being with his geeky friends who like calculators and computer programming as much as him!
CONCLUSION
I finished up 2008 in the mad dash to buy all the Christmas presents and make the kids the traditional Christmas Eve pajamas. Erin has a giraffe pattern, her favorite animal. Sarah wanted cows and she got them and Thomas looks like he has animal tracks all over him... its a nice blue though.
I'm hoping for a great 2009! I wish you all peace, happiness and good health!
So eventually when my brain cleared enough to think a little I decided to change doctors. I researched and decided on one that had excellent reviews in Philadelphia (also an office in NJ). I went to him at the beginning of June. He discovered I had an iron deficiency and I've been on iron ever since. Also changed my thyroid medication. Just to finish up about me, me, me....I went to the Jefferson Headache Center in Philadelphia at the end of September and am now on an anti seizure med (no, I don't get seizures but it helps with migraines). I also just started on Magnesium which is supposed to help. I can honestly say that I feel much better than in February but I am still very far from being 100%. My plan for the new year is to hope my health gets better and better and I can begin to get back into shape. Thomas and I walked 2.5 miles yesterday (using the new Christmas handheld GPS we got the family for Christmas) and I didn't get a migraine. Small steps. It'd be nice to lose the extra 15-20 lbs I've gained since becoming unhealthy, heck, I'd be nice to lose the extra 15 pounds I gained from being pregnant with Sarah (now 12 years old) but I'm going to focus more on feeling better. This all started in 2006 and this spring it will be three years that I've been struggling with this, enough already.
CHAPTER 2
So on to happy stuff. In January before I went down hill Erin and I were sitting around and we got an idea! ROAD TRIP! We both had always wanted to go to Dollywood, it must have been that special we had seen on TV. So I began to plan out a trip for June as soon as the kids were out of school. On the way down we went on the Cape May ferry. It was fun to have our van on a boat! The Chesapeake Bay bridge and tunnel was pretty neat too. We stopped first in New Port News, VA. We went to Busch Gardens as well as Colonial Williamsburg. It was fun but hot as heck and I was wondering how we would make it in Tennessee! It turned out it must have been a bit of a heat wave because the rest of the trip was fine.
Next on to Everett's house in Georgia to see all our southern redneck relatives. Just joking, they were all quite sophisticated. It turned out to be the perfect stop for us. At this point in the trip I think we all needed to stay in a real house for a couple of nights. The kids all felt like they were at a resort! Everett's master bath is as big as one of our bedrooms! Erin's getting ideas for her future home....she better stick with school and become a really great biologist! The first thing we did was to go to Everett's community pool. After driving all day it was nice to float around and relax. Back at Everett's house the kids decided to shoot some pool while taking "breaks" to exercise on all of Everett and Denise's equipment. No wonder Everett and Denise are looking so great AND no wonder my kids are so skinny! We all enjoyed the great variety of drinks that they had...sort of like those wet bars in the hotel rooms. The next day we went to the zoo with Everett, (unfortunately Denise had to work). Although Sarah had somewhat of a melt down I had a really great time! Lets just say, when Sarah has had too much excitement the beast from within surfaces but we still love her! Its a shame since she is the one who likes animals the most. The zoo is where I took our Christmas picture in that really neat stand of bamboo.
We had wanted to go to the Japanese restaurant while we were there because we knew that the kids would love it. It met all our expectations and more. I wasn't sure if Erin would like the food because she doesn't really like Chinese food. I've realized that Japanese food is much less greasy and the flavoring is not so overpowering as Chinese food. As a weird coincidence, it was me and Tom's anniversary so we were treated to some sort of umbrella ceremony. The restaurant sent us home with a picture of us and the family and a special set of chopsticks. Everett and Denise treated us to dinner...thanks again guys.
We had a great time at Everetts but on to Tennessee! We made a short trek to Lookout Mountain. We rode the very steep and scary inclined railroad and the entire time discussed what would happen if the cable broke. We did manage some nervous glances at the view. We spent more time looking once we reached the top. We also went to Rock City and walked through and were quite impressed with all the interesting places. I've always enjoyed walking and hiking and it was just enough to be fun but not poop me out. Sarah wouldn't go on the rope bridge and Erin was a little weak in the knees as she crossed but Thomas wanted to bounce up and down. Some yelling ensued and he calmed down. Ha ha. I think my favorite attraction was the Tennessee Aquarium. It has two buildings one for ocean fish and one for fresh water fish. It had some really unusual exhibits. For example the jelly fish. You were in a darkened area with the jelly fish tanks lit up to make them look even neater. The IMAX theater has stadium seating and had a really neat show. Sarah was out of her funk and had a great time.
On to Dollywood. I think that by the time we got there we were all vacationed out. I think we would have enjoyed ourselves more if it had been at the beginning of our trip. I had booked the best hotel room here and it had a kitchen, balcony and a lot of room. They had an indoor and outdoor pool, a small lazy river, two hot tubs and a kiddy pool. It was situated by a small brook were ducks hung out and small rabbits were frolicking. The free breakfast was the best. Needless to say we mostly wanted to spend our time here relaxing. Fortunately we had allowed for one day of doing nothing. We went to Dixie Stampede one night (a dinner show like Medieval Times).
Our final stop was Monticello in Virginia and then finally home.
CHAPTER 3
We were pretty low key the rest of the summer just going to the beach house and spending time there with Maureen (Tom's sister) and her family when she rented her own bungalow. The kids start school the last Monday of August and we needed to get sports physicals for them to run cross country. Erin started high school (9th grade) with some ambivalence but it has turned out that she is quite happy. She is still playing violin and is doing great. She had problems with her legs so spent much of the cross country season not running. Sarah started middle school (6th grade) with ME having some ambivalence but she is doing great. She's quite smart and if she could just stop worrying then she would realize this! She's still playing viola and is on the math team - quite an accomplishment for a 6th grader. Thomas is in 10th grade....he's just happy being with his geeky friends who like calculators and computer programming as much as him!
CONCLUSION
I finished up 2008 in the mad dash to buy all the Christmas presents and make the kids the traditional Christmas Eve pajamas. Erin has a giraffe pattern, her favorite animal. Sarah wanted cows and she got them and Thomas looks like he has animal tracks all over him... its a nice blue though.
I'm hoping for a great 2009! I wish you all peace, happiness and good health!
Monday, December 01, 2008
MIGRAINE NEWS
On September 30th I went on an anti seizure medication to try and control my migraines. I did not have any migraines in the month of October. In November I had three. Every time I get another migraine I get a depressed sort of feeling. I had a lot of hope for this new medicine. The first two migraines came close together and I thought maybe it was a fluke. Then I got that third one.
Even with these migraines I feel that there are a lot of good things about this medicine. As soon as I went on it I started to feel different. My brain seemed to be working better. The only time my brain hasn't been working better was during the days following my three migraines. A lot of my other weird symptoms have gotten quite a bit better. Again, they seemed to only flare up during my migraine episodes.
I go back to see the neurologist in the middle of December. I want to be migraine free but at this point I am not sure if that is possible. I'm also a little scared that if I switch medications my brain will stop being okay. I can't explain to you how frustrating it was to lose that mental function. Its as if I went to from being a relatively smart person to a relatively stupid person. I have never been able to explain this fully to anyone. The only people who truly understand are my husband and my three kids. They witnessed it first hand. They understand what I mean when I say I was out of it. I tried to explain this to the neurologist when I saw him but I don't think he got it. I will try to explain it to him again because I think it is so important, since this medicine has made such a difference.
I think I've gotten pretty much all of my brain back - except for those migraine moments or when I am tired. Now that I've gotten it back I realize how much I was missing. I've recently started reading a Stephen King novel and realized that I hadn't been reading adult books anymore. Last year I started to read the same books that my 8th grade daughter was reading. Although I could follow the adult books, it was just too exhausting and it sucked all the fun out of it. Another thing that I've started doing again is learning to play the keyboard. Last year I had started to teach myself how to play. I have always wanted to learn to play piano and the keyboard is the next best thing. I don't know quite when I stopped but things like that had just fallen by the wayside. I just didn't have the mental ability or energy to do them anymore. I am still lacking in the energy department but have enough to do nonphysical things like playing the keyboard. The bit of physical energy that has returned is generally used up on housework. I'm okay with that, its nice to have my house somewhat organized.
If I look at things in terms of the last 10 months I see a big difference in my health. I think that I have been slowly getting better with occasional setbacks. I am leery of saying that I am truly getting better because it seems that the bad spells that I have come out of nowhere. I can't rule out the possibility that tomorrow I will suddenly have a terrible month that leaves me in bed for days at a time with my brain spinning with chaos. Sounds oh so dramatic but that is what happened to me in February/March. I try to stay positive but its been difficult. Its awful living this way, not knowing when these episodes will strike. Its awful wondering if this is what my life will always be like. Is this something that I will have to accept as the norm for me?
I usually try to end my posts with a sentence that wraps everything up into some sort of conclusion. It seems that this time I can't really do that. My migraine news seems sort of open ended so this is how I will leave it.
Even with these migraines I feel that there are a lot of good things about this medicine. As soon as I went on it I started to feel different. My brain seemed to be working better. The only time my brain hasn't been working better was during the days following my three migraines. A lot of my other weird symptoms have gotten quite a bit better. Again, they seemed to only flare up during my migraine episodes.
I go back to see the neurologist in the middle of December. I want to be migraine free but at this point I am not sure if that is possible. I'm also a little scared that if I switch medications my brain will stop being okay. I can't explain to you how frustrating it was to lose that mental function. Its as if I went to from being a relatively smart person to a relatively stupid person. I have never been able to explain this fully to anyone. The only people who truly understand are my husband and my three kids. They witnessed it first hand. They understand what I mean when I say I was out of it. I tried to explain this to the neurologist when I saw him but I don't think he got it. I will try to explain it to him again because I think it is so important, since this medicine has made such a difference.
I think I've gotten pretty much all of my brain back - except for those migraine moments or when I am tired. Now that I've gotten it back I realize how much I was missing. I've recently started reading a Stephen King novel and realized that I hadn't been reading adult books anymore. Last year I started to read the same books that my 8th grade daughter was reading. Although I could follow the adult books, it was just too exhausting and it sucked all the fun out of it. Another thing that I've started doing again is learning to play the keyboard. Last year I had started to teach myself how to play. I have always wanted to learn to play piano and the keyboard is the next best thing. I don't know quite when I stopped but things like that had just fallen by the wayside. I just didn't have the mental ability or energy to do them anymore. I am still lacking in the energy department but have enough to do nonphysical things like playing the keyboard. The bit of physical energy that has returned is generally used up on housework. I'm okay with that, its nice to have my house somewhat organized.
If I look at things in terms of the last 10 months I see a big difference in my health. I think that I have been slowly getting better with occasional setbacks. I am leery of saying that I am truly getting better because it seems that the bad spells that I have come out of nowhere. I can't rule out the possibility that tomorrow I will suddenly have a terrible month that leaves me in bed for days at a time with my brain spinning with chaos. Sounds oh so dramatic but that is what happened to me in February/March. I try to stay positive but its been difficult. Its awful living this way, not knowing when these episodes will strike. Its awful wondering if this is what my life will always be like. Is this something that I will have to accept as the norm for me?
I usually try to end my posts with a sentence that wraps everything up into some sort of conclusion. It seems that this time I can't really do that. My migraine news seems sort of open ended so this is how I will leave it.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
KNOW IT ALLS
I've recently come to the conclusion that I may have a tendency to become friends with Know It Alls. I realized this after I was noting the similarities between a couple of my friends. I was thinking that they both love to tell me what to do. They both think they are more knowledgeable than they actually are. They both think they are more physically adept than they are. Then I started to see that many people in my life are this way. I was wondering if the world is populated with a bunch of Know It Alls or if they just seem to flock to me.
Mostly I just brush all of this advice and banter off but on some level I find it annoying. I try to tell myself that they are doing it because they care about me but another part of me feels that they think I'm some sort of loser who needs to be guided in the right direction. Its not that I think that I'm a loser but its annoying that they might think I'm a loser. It's quite possible that because I am a good listener who doesn't want to hurt people's feelings they feel comfortable letting loose on me.
I'm sure that this kind of talk makes them feel good. I dare say that just maybe they don't really feel good about themselves. They can reduce their insecurities by constantly letting others know just how smart, strong, wonderful they really are.
In reality, we all know that I'm much better than every one of them!
Mostly I just brush all of this advice and banter off but on some level I find it annoying. I try to tell myself that they are doing it because they care about me but another part of me feels that they think I'm some sort of loser who needs to be guided in the right direction. Its not that I think that I'm a loser but its annoying that they might think I'm a loser. It's quite possible that because I am a good listener who doesn't want to hurt people's feelings they feel comfortable letting loose on me.
I'm sure that this kind of talk makes them feel good. I dare say that just maybe they don't really feel good about themselves. They can reduce their insecurities by constantly letting others know just how smart, strong, wonderful they really are.
In reality, we all know that I'm much better than every one of them!
Thursday, November 13, 2008
CRAZY NEIGHBOR
I think I have a crazy neighbor.
I have an older Golden Retriever, Beau, that I used to walk off leash on the dirt road by my house. On the rare occasions that a car came by I would call him to me until the car passed by. As he's gotten older his hearing has deteriorated and he has trouble hearing me calling him. Mostly I don't walk him on the road anymore and instead I've made a path on my 5 acres of land and walk him there.
Yesterday I was walking him on the path with my daughter Sarah. As I walked him (on our own land) by a neighbor's house, their dog that was inside started barking (a Jack Russel terrier). Eventually the woman came out of her house, I assumed, to see what the dog was barking at. When she saw us she folded her arms acrossed her chest and began staring at us. She continued to do this. I could tell she was angry and I figured maybe she didn't know that I was on my own land. Although they moved in a couple of years ago, I do not know her and have never introduced myself her. I decided that we should have a little chat so I could explain myself. I looked at her and yelled "hello!" She continued to stare. I thought, well maybe she didn't hear me or doesn't know that I'm talking to her. I yelled again and waved. She said nothing and continued to give me the evil eye. I looked a moment longer, then looked at Sarah who thought the whole situation was as weird as I thought and finally we just walked off.
Weird, weird, weird....this is a crazy situation. I began getting opinions on what I should do. I don't want to be walking in my own backyard and have this lady staring at me. A friend told me that I gave her a chance and now I should act as if she doesn't exist. Tom told me that he would have walked right up to her and said "hi, my name is Tom." My daughter Erin told me that if she did it again, she'd stare her down. Sarah agreed with Erin. Thomas as usual was no help - ha ha. I think I am going to combine a couple ideas and if she does this again I will stare right back. If she says something to me I will pretend she doesn't exist. I will give her a taste of her own medicine. I don't want to be friends, I just want her to stop.
Another reason I don't want to befriend her is that a small part of me wonders just how psycho she is. If I had a neighbor that I knew and they got mad at me for any reason and then stared me down, I'd think that was relatively normal. Not nice, but normal. Since I do not know this lady at all, it's just plain weird. That's another weird thing. She lives on the road that I have been walking my dog on and I've met every other person on that road and waved and even chatted with them. I don't even really know what these people look like...after two years! I've even "met" their dog who one time got loose and came running after Beau.
In my more paranoid moments I wonder if she would ever do something to my cats. About a month ago all three of my cats were suddenly not very hungry. This is a big deal because they are all very piggy. I started thinking that someone in the neighborhood possibly was feeding them. Then one of them became quite ill and was throwing up and had really bad diarrhea. I started to wonder what they had found and what they were eating. I can remember briefly giving thought to the fact that maybe we have a cat hater in the neighborhood, feeding them god knows what. It was only a passing thought because in general I am not a paranoid person. I began to wonder about this lady when on that same day I saw one of my cats heading home coming from the direction of her house.
Well there's not much I can do about any of this and have no desire for an all out war with any neighbors. So, I will just see what develops and go with what feels right at the time.
I have an older Golden Retriever, Beau, that I used to walk off leash on the dirt road by my house. On the rare occasions that a car came by I would call him to me until the car passed by. As he's gotten older his hearing has deteriorated and he has trouble hearing me calling him. Mostly I don't walk him on the road anymore and instead I've made a path on my 5 acres of land and walk him there.
Yesterday I was walking him on the path with my daughter Sarah. As I walked him (on our own land) by a neighbor's house, their dog that was inside started barking (a Jack Russel terrier). Eventually the woman came out of her house, I assumed, to see what the dog was barking at. When she saw us she folded her arms acrossed her chest and began staring at us. She continued to do this. I could tell she was angry and I figured maybe she didn't know that I was on my own land. Although they moved in a couple of years ago, I do not know her and have never introduced myself her. I decided that we should have a little chat so I could explain myself. I looked at her and yelled "hello!" She continued to stare. I thought, well maybe she didn't hear me or doesn't know that I'm talking to her. I yelled again and waved. She said nothing and continued to give me the evil eye. I looked a moment longer, then looked at Sarah who thought the whole situation was as weird as I thought and finally we just walked off.
Weird, weird, weird....this is a crazy situation. I began getting opinions on what I should do. I don't want to be walking in my own backyard and have this lady staring at me. A friend told me that I gave her a chance and now I should act as if she doesn't exist. Tom told me that he would have walked right up to her and said "hi, my name is Tom." My daughter Erin told me that if she did it again, she'd stare her down. Sarah agreed with Erin. Thomas as usual was no help - ha ha. I think I am going to combine a couple ideas and if she does this again I will stare right back. If she says something to me I will pretend she doesn't exist. I will give her a taste of her own medicine. I don't want to be friends, I just want her to stop.
Another reason I don't want to befriend her is that a small part of me wonders just how psycho she is. If I had a neighbor that I knew and they got mad at me for any reason and then stared me down, I'd think that was relatively normal. Not nice, but normal. Since I do not know this lady at all, it's just plain weird. That's another weird thing. She lives on the road that I have been walking my dog on and I've met every other person on that road and waved and even chatted with them. I don't even really know what these people look like...after two years! I've even "met" their dog who one time got loose and came running after Beau.
In my more paranoid moments I wonder if she would ever do something to my cats. About a month ago all three of my cats were suddenly not very hungry. This is a big deal because they are all very piggy. I started thinking that someone in the neighborhood possibly was feeding them. Then one of them became quite ill and was throwing up and had really bad diarrhea. I started to wonder what they had found and what they were eating. I can remember briefly giving thought to the fact that maybe we have a cat hater in the neighborhood, feeding them god knows what. It was only a passing thought because in general I am not a paranoid person. I began to wonder about this lady when on that same day I saw one of my cats heading home coming from the direction of her house.
Well there's not much I can do about any of this and have no desire for an all out war with any neighbors. So, I will just see what develops and go with what feels right at the time.
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