Lately I've been thinking about how we will pay for college for our three kids. We have started to save but realize that anything we can put aside will be just a drop in a very large bucket. We have also realized that we are in that financial category where we have enough money to be declined any financial aid, but not enough money to actually be able to pay for college. I haven't discussed my thoughts with many of my friends but the general consensus seems to be "don't worry about it, of course you'll get some financial aid". I wouldn't say I'm "worried" about it, I'm just being realistic. My oldest will be going into high school next year and my well intentioned friends seem to think I can't predict what will happen four years from now when he's ready to go to college. So far in life, my thought processes have brought me success, so I've decided that I will continue to plan in my own ways.
This is the point where we started to discuss the possibility of me going back to work. I've been staying home raising my kids for 14 years now. I realized all along that I would want to do something once my kids got older but wasn't sure what it would be. I thought of volunteering in non-paying jobs. I thought of going back to school to start a new career. I have always said I would never go back to engineering. It would be difficult since my husband is also an engineer and it sometimes requires a lot of travel. How would we work it out if we both had business trips at the same time? The commute to the job is at least an hour each way and my husband leaves at 5:30 am and gets home at 5:30 pm. Also, after being out for so many years, would I be accepted back? These things and the fact that I wanted to be home with my kids kept me from going back all these years. We haven't been able to save as much money as I thought we would and now engineering is looking like an attractive way to fund our kid's college education. I can make quite a bit of money in engineering.
The more we thought about it, the better it seemed. I would still wait another four years when Thomas was just going into college and my youngest would just be going into high school. Afterall, when I've already been out for 14 years, what's another 4? For me the four additional years would give me peace of mind that my kids would be totally okay. Any changes would be minor for them, such as having to get off the at the bus stop and walk the quarter mile home rain or shine. Yes, I realize many people would say I seem over protective but these are my decisions and feelings. I respect other people's decisions when it comes to working or not and feel no need to defend my decisions. I only say this because there is that "mommy wars" thing going on - actually, I consider my self a non-participator in that war, a conscientious objector of sorts. I've always been happy staying home and am too busy trying to do a good job raising my own children to spend time judging others. With that said, back to the main topic.
So, four years from now I will more than likely be trying to go back to engineering. I left a government job 14 years ago and would try to be "reinstated". I have confidence that I am capable of the job and feel mostly confident that the bosses will think I'm worth rehiring. Its a large installation and it will probably be a matter of interviewing until someone says yes. Its funny because there's a thing that happens to women who leave the workforce. It's very easy to lose confidence in your working ability. Am I too stupid to work anymore? Will I be in over my head? I think I have a pretty good handle on this, but still somewhere deep inside me is that doubt. That will definitely be a positive benefit for me. Once I go back to work I can leave that feeling behind. Another thing that happens to women who stay home is a feeling of dependence. I often jokingly say that I am leeching off my husband. Behind that joke is a slightly uneasy feeling for me. It doesn't come from my husband because he has totally jumped on the bandwagon of "our money" even though he earns it. Also, I totally handle all finances so it doesn't come from that. It comes from the independent streak I have that I want to rely on myself. On some level it bothers me that the money I spend is not earned by me. Obviously, this is not a big problem for me, otherwise I wouldn't have survived these past 14 years but still its there. It will be nice however to be contributing financially.
With all the positive benefits of me working I will be able to handle the downsides. My only unhappiness will come from the fact that I will be asking my youngest to sacrifice. Its much easier for me to sacrifice than for me to ask my kids to sacrifice. The real change is that she won't have me 24/7 like the other two did. This is something that has been very important to me all these years. Since she will be older its not something that is a show stopper for me or for her but its still a change.
So, it seems what the obvious choice is.
A final note: I've purposely tried to limit the amount that I defend my positions. Because of those infamous mommy wars I sometimes feel like I should defend myself. Sometimes I've felt like I should make it clear that I mean no judgement of others - for example, when I say it is very important for me to be here for my kids 24/7 I am not saying I think EVERYONE should be there for their kids 24/7! The 24/7 thing probably is more for me than for my kids anyway! My blog is not about defending or pacifying. Its about writing to sort out and record my thoughts and the things happening in my life. And just maybe there are a couple people out there who will find it interesting...or not. With that said, comments are still always welcome here.
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Saturday, March 03, 2007
BURGERS, YUM!
Yesterday I had some watermelon and commented to Erin that it reminded me of summer. She heartily agreed and said "we should have burgers". Thinking that was a good idea I bought the hamburger meat later that day. It had been raining and cold, one of those harsh March kind of rains but then by the end of the day the sun was shining and it was warm enough to go out wearing just a sweatshirt. A perfect day for burgers! I fired up the grill and laid those burgers on! My husband drove up from work and as he got out of the truck his nose was greeted with the aroma of burger smoke. He didn't know it was our grill and was thrilled when he saw what I was cooking. Yum! Everyone chowed down and loved them. Well....everyone except Erin, who commented "I wasn't in the mood for that". I just sat and stared at her, she stared back. I said "What? Are you kidding me? It was your idea!" She said "I just said we should have them sometime." Kids are so funny like that.
Sunday, February 25, 2007
NUMBER 7
I had forgotten one more thing I learned last weekend.
7. If you see a piece of brightly colored clay on the floor and pick it up, throw it out immediately. Do not put it on the kitchen table to be thrown out later. You may go back to it later and think it is a Nerd (candy) and try eating it.
7. If you see a piece of brightly colored clay on the floor and pick it up, throw it out immediately. Do not put it on the kitchen table to be thrown out later. You may go back to it later and think it is a Nerd (candy) and try eating it.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
MY SOMEWHAT EVIL SCIENTIST HUSBAND
My husband may be somewhat of an evil scientist. Oh yeah, that was just Thomas's dream. On the way to school he told me his dream.
He started with:
"Dad was a scientist that was sort of evil but not a lot. "
Thomas continued to explain the dream:
Tom had invented a remote control airplane that was controlled by his mind. He apparently was sort of losing his mind because he crashed the plane into our neighbor's house (Thomas didn't say the part about Tom losing his mind I just thought that was funny). He tried to keep the fact that it was his plane a secret so our neighbor wouldn't be mad that he had crashed it into his house. It didn't matter because our neighbor was having a party to celebrate the plane debris that was in his yard. He had invited a bunch of obese three year olds. There was a little more less exciting stuff and then I woke him to get ready for school.
I love the weirdness of dreams!
He started with:
"Dad was a scientist that was sort of evil but not a lot. "
Thomas continued to explain the dream:
Tom had invented a remote control airplane that was controlled by his mind. He apparently was sort of losing his mind because he crashed the plane into our neighbor's house (Thomas didn't say the part about Tom losing his mind I just thought that was funny). He tried to keep the fact that it was his plane a secret so our neighbor wouldn't be mad that he had crashed it into his house. It didn't matter because our neighbor was having a party to celebrate the plane debris that was in his yard. He had invited a bunch of obese three year olds. There was a little more less exciting stuff and then I woke him to get ready for school.
I love the weirdness of dreams!
THINGS i LEARNED THIS WEEKEND
1. If your tractor runs fine while plowing snow through a snowstorm and then suddenly stops running so well, thaw it out. Once everything melts off from it, it will work fine.
2. Tell your daughter that she shouldn't carry an almost brand new $1,100 violin at the same time as a music book and while trying to open a door. She may drop it and break it. Sigh.
3. Do not post comments to blogs that you read unless the person writes something like "comments welcome". You may annoy someone. I'm not sure why this is so but it is.
4. A memory stick is waterproof. Or at least the one I washed in the laundry was.
5. Having a thyroid problem isn't really why you are overweight, its from eating too much food.
6. If you switch to the new blogger, nothing bad will happen...I think.
And something that I just learned. When you hit the caps lock key, you have to watch out for things that you would normally hit the shift key to capitalize - such as the word "I" (see title above).
Now I feel so smart!
2. Tell your daughter that she shouldn't carry an almost brand new $1,100 violin at the same time as a music book and while trying to open a door. She may drop it and break it. Sigh.
3. Do not post comments to blogs that you read unless the person writes something like "comments welcome". You may annoy someone. I'm not sure why this is so but it is.
4. A memory stick is waterproof. Or at least the one I washed in the laundry was.
5. Having a thyroid problem isn't really why you are overweight, its from eating too much food.
6. If you switch to the new blogger, nothing bad will happen...I think.
And something that I just learned. When you hit the caps lock key, you have to watch out for things that you would normally hit the shift key to capitalize - such as the word "I" (see title above).
Now I feel so smart!
Friday, February 09, 2007
MATH COUNTS
Math Counts is the name of a national math competition. It starts in the middle school where they form a math club. From the members of the club they form a team of four of the best "mathletes". This team along with the next four best mathletes attend the district level competition. Our district is the Northeast Pennsylvania district. Thomas went as a member of the team and Erin went as an individual. Our team came in second this year. They lost by half a point! Last year they came in first place and they were able to go onto the state level competition. This year Thomas placed second in the "individual" competition and then during a "countdown" round (need to be first to sound a buzzer to answer questions) moved up to become the top mathlete for the northeast district. Hooray for Thomas! He will get to go onto the state level competition. The top 4 mathletes from that competition will go on to the national competition in Fort Worth, Texas. I am equally proud of Erin who worked really hard to be one of the individuals going to the competition. Fortunately, the coach takes into account dedication and effort. It was a close call between a few students for that last spot on the team but Erin was the only one who went to every practice and had a really great attitude. I'm glad he recognized that fact. Both Erin and Thomas were excited the night before and the day of the competition. Overall it was a really great experience. At the district level the competition is not super intense. It gets a bit more serious at the state level and I'm sure that the national level is probably overwhelming. I doubt Thomas would make it that far because he is really in it for the joy of math and not for winning. You can see that the winners at the state level are really out to beat everyone. I'm sure a lot of tedious memorizing is involved. Erin was in it for the challenge and the fun time. Fortunately, their coach allowed them to have fun!
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
ARCTIC FREEZE
Its been so cold, you know that kind where the boogers freeze in your nose?!?! Every morning below zero. Even though I bundle up to go out it takes my breath away and feels hard to breath. I'm glad I don't have a job where I need to be out for long periods of time. Regardless of the deep freeze we are in I'm able to appreciate the small things. The cold came right on the heels of a small snowstorm so the snow has stayed around. I love the look of white cleaness. I am really ecstatic that our pipes have not frozen. We have a crawl space and sometimes some of the pipes freeze when it gets really cold. I guess we haven't had enough wind for that to happen. When it finally warms up we will still have enough ice for iceskating!
One thing I love about February is that if you pay attention you will see and hear the signs of spring. The birds don't seem to care that the temperatures scream winter. They know, somehow they know. I open the door to let Beau out in the morning and I hear the birds. Their voice has changed to one heralding spring. A little snippet of things to come. The sun feels different. Stronger, warming me to the bones. Well, maybe not to the bones, but once this weather breaks it will! Soon there will be those patches of dried grass that the sun has warmed. I love to find a small hill where this has happened and sit for awhile soaking in the sun's rays. Watching the last of the snow melt away. I hope we do get at least one big snow storm before the spring meltdown. I love those little rivulets of water and the mud.
Spring, spring!
Don't get me wrong, I do have a fondness for winter, its just that I like the change of seasons. That's why I could never live in Florida or California. The changes make me feel like I live in four different places. Each special in its own way.
One thing I love about February is that if you pay attention you will see and hear the signs of spring. The birds don't seem to care that the temperatures scream winter. They know, somehow they know. I open the door to let Beau out in the morning and I hear the birds. Their voice has changed to one heralding spring. A little snippet of things to come. The sun feels different. Stronger, warming me to the bones. Well, maybe not to the bones, but once this weather breaks it will! Soon there will be those patches of dried grass that the sun has warmed. I love to find a small hill where this has happened and sit for awhile soaking in the sun's rays. Watching the last of the snow melt away. I hope we do get at least one big snow storm before the spring meltdown. I love those little rivulets of water and the mud.
Spring, spring!
Don't get me wrong, I do have a fondness for winter, its just that I like the change of seasons. That's why I could never live in Florida or California. The changes make me feel like I live in four different places. Each special in its own way.
Monday, January 29, 2007
NO, I'M NOT TOO OLD FOR ICE SKATING
A couple weeks ago our lake was not frozen at all but now we have 7 inches of relatively smooth ice. Thomas and Erin got new skates for Christmas and Sarah was ready to try real skates instead of the old double runner skates she had been using. I laced up MY new skates and we all headed out yesterday for what ended up being a great time.
Tom had gone down the day before with Thomas and his cordless drill to check the thickness. He sampled quite a few spots just to make sure we'd be safe. When he came home he said the only problem was that the ice was black. I didn't need to wonder why that was a problem because he immediately let me know black ice is "eerie". Ever the joker, I said "like Lake Erie?" He must have been sufficiently creeped out because after we put our skates on and skated down the lake, he yelled after us "I didn't check that area!" We all laughed heartily and skated on. Forced into risking his life on the eerie ice, he followed.
He eventually overcame his hesitation and zipped around like crazy. I on the other hand am a relatively slow skater. It didn't help a whole lot when the point of my skate caught on a crack and I took a nose dive. Or rather a knee dive blended in with a nose dive. After whacking my knee on the ice and putting my hands out to help break my fall, my hands continued sliding until I was stretched out completely on the ice. I continued rocketing acrossed the ice long enough for me to think how silly I must look. In my mind I've always thought I am a thin, funky looking chick but in reality I am a somewhat plump, middle-aged housewife. So picture a plump, middle-aged housewife sliding headfirst acrossed an eerie looking lake.... Although I couldn't see myself, Thomas was skating behind me and confirmed that it did indeed look quite funny. I hope someone was watching from their window and was able to get a laugh. If I cheered someone up, it would be worth my aching knee.
So we all lived and had one heck of a time! To think, I hadn't really wanted to venture out, I'm glad I did!
Tom had gone down the day before with Thomas and his cordless drill to check the thickness. He sampled quite a few spots just to make sure we'd be safe. When he came home he said the only problem was that the ice was black. I didn't need to wonder why that was a problem because he immediately let me know black ice is "eerie". Ever the joker, I said "like Lake Erie?" He must have been sufficiently creeped out because after we put our skates on and skated down the lake, he yelled after us "I didn't check that area!" We all laughed heartily and skated on. Forced into risking his life on the eerie ice, he followed.
He eventually overcame his hesitation and zipped around like crazy. I on the other hand am a relatively slow skater. It didn't help a whole lot when the point of my skate caught on a crack and I took a nose dive. Or rather a knee dive blended in with a nose dive. After whacking my knee on the ice and putting my hands out to help break my fall, my hands continued sliding until I was stretched out completely on the ice. I continued rocketing acrossed the ice long enough for me to think how silly I must look. In my mind I've always thought I am a thin, funky looking chick but in reality I am a somewhat plump, middle-aged housewife. So picture a plump, middle-aged housewife sliding headfirst acrossed an eerie looking lake.... Although I couldn't see myself, Thomas was skating behind me and confirmed that it did indeed look quite funny. I hope someone was watching from their window and was able to get a laugh. If I cheered someone up, it would be worth my aching knee.
So we all lived and had one heck of a time! To think, I hadn't really wanted to venture out, I'm glad I did!
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
I MISS THE SNOW!!!
I sit by my window looking at the flakes falling. I know that they will not amount to anything. I miss the snow! About a week ago we got a light dusting and while walking Beau I soaked in the sound of the snow crunching under my feet. I began weaving back and forth acrossed the dirt road so I could hear the sound more. I glanced over my shoulder wondering if anyone was watching and what they would think. I know I am somewhat childlike in my desire for a good snowstorm. As an adult I am supposed to complain that snow is on the way instead of lamenting when its not. I like to watch the snow from the comfort of my warm house as well as lay down in it to make a snow angel. I haven't been sledding once this year or "sliding" as we called it in NH. Boo hoo! SNOW WHERE ART THOU?!?!
SOME THINGS JUST AREN'T VERY EFFECTIVE
I like to tell people that although teachers generally love my kids, the school system will curse the day that they were introduced to me. It started out when my son was registered for kindergarten and I was one of the few parents who spoke up with a question. "Will there be some sort of person on the bus besides the bus driver because I think they may have to hold my son on there?" Yes, I was serious. No, they did not have anyone there. Yes, he stayed on the bus and went quite happily to school.
So now I have been sending my kids off to school for almost 9 years and it seems that I have some sort of "serious" issue come up at least once a year. I can see how this may be contrued as me being a problem parent. In my humble opinion I am not being difficult at all. Most times that I am unhappy with something I let it slide. Its only occasionally I really get my dander up. I usually ask myself three questions. What is the other side of the story and is it possibly justified? How is this affecting my child? Is it possible that by presenting my point of view that things could change for the better?
My general mode of communication is a letter sent to the appropriate person. I have only gone above a teacher directly to the principal once. This was when the teacher (a substitute math teacher) was not capable of teaching the material and I just couldn't imagine how I would tell them that. I usually wait some time before I write the letter so I am able to formulate my thoughts and opinions. I write a rough draft and change it many times. I try to make sure my letter is not attacking the person who reads it. There is no hope for change if the person feels defensive.
As Dr. Phil would say "How's that working for you?" Well, I would say my success ratio is VERY low. Actually, I can think of only once or twice that something changed for the better. The first time is when my son's first grade teacher was a screamer and I called her on it and she definitely toned it down. The second time was when my daughter (in fifth grade) was not allowed to bring a bottle of water to school because it was against the school policy. The principal very condensendingly told me some one could slip a drug into the bottle. Please note that the thermos of soup she often brought was never a problem. I was told that I needed to write a letter giving permission for her to bring one. I wrote the letter although the policy was not changed. Other than that I am not very successful.
My most recent letter was sent in yesterday to Thomas's eighth grade math teacher. In a nutshell she paired the students with partners, had them study together and warned them that they'd better make sure that their partner knew the material because when they each took their test, the grades would be averaged together to come up with their final test grade. Thomas got a 105% (answered a bonus question right) and his partner got a 62%. So Thomas's grade went down more than 20% and his partner's went up more than 20%. This is so obviously wrong, I felt I had no choice when Thomas presented the problem to me. I had to write a letter. I tried as gently as I could to present my opinion, but its a little rough to tell a teacher "you are wrong". I am still waiting to hear from the teacher and its possible that I never will.
So what am I doing wrong? Why don't I see more change? It's possible that I am being too gentle and if I was more aggressive I would get my way. I am not agressive unless I think that my kids future will be changed in a seriously negative way. I still think my way of striving for change is the way I'll go even if it so rarely works. I feel as if parents and teachers should be in a partnership to educate kids. I'm hoping that one day I will meet a teacher that has the confidence to not get defensive and really consider my requests. On the other hand, it is always hard to hear when we are wrong and even more difficult to admit and fix our mistakes. I put my self in the teachers shoes and cringe. I wonder how open minded I would be.
So now I have been sending my kids off to school for almost 9 years and it seems that I have some sort of "serious" issue come up at least once a year. I can see how this may be contrued as me being a problem parent. In my humble opinion I am not being difficult at all. Most times that I am unhappy with something I let it slide. Its only occasionally I really get my dander up. I usually ask myself three questions. What is the other side of the story and is it possibly justified? How is this affecting my child? Is it possible that by presenting my point of view that things could change for the better?
My general mode of communication is a letter sent to the appropriate person. I have only gone above a teacher directly to the principal once. This was when the teacher (a substitute math teacher) was not capable of teaching the material and I just couldn't imagine how I would tell them that. I usually wait some time before I write the letter so I am able to formulate my thoughts and opinions. I write a rough draft and change it many times. I try to make sure my letter is not attacking the person who reads it. There is no hope for change if the person feels defensive.
As Dr. Phil would say "How's that working for you?" Well, I would say my success ratio is VERY low. Actually, I can think of only once or twice that something changed for the better. The first time is when my son's first grade teacher was a screamer and I called her on it and she definitely toned it down. The second time was when my daughter (in fifth grade) was not allowed to bring a bottle of water to school because it was against the school policy. The principal very condensendingly told me some one could slip a drug into the bottle. Please note that the thermos of soup she often brought was never a problem. I was told that I needed to write a letter giving permission for her to bring one. I wrote the letter although the policy was not changed. Other than that I am not very successful.
My most recent letter was sent in yesterday to Thomas's eighth grade math teacher. In a nutshell she paired the students with partners, had them study together and warned them that they'd better make sure that their partner knew the material because when they each took their test, the grades would be averaged together to come up with their final test grade. Thomas got a 105% (answered a bonus question right) and his partner got a 62%. So Thomas's grade went down more than 20% and his partner's went up more than 20%. This is so obviously wrong, I felt I had no choice when Thomas presented the problem to me. I had to write a letter. I tried as gently as I could to present my opinion, but its a little rough to tell a teacher "you are wrong". I am still waiting to hear from the teacher and its possible that I never will.
So what am I doing wrong? Why don't I see more change? It's possible that I am being too gentle and if I was more aggressive I would get my way. I am not agressive unless I think that my kids future will be changed in a seriously negative way. I still think my way of striving for change is the way I'll go even if it so rarely works. I feel as if parents and teachers should be in a partnership to educate kids. I'm hoping that one day I will meet a teacher that has the confidence to not get defensive and really consider my requests. On the other hand, it is always hard to hear when we are wrong and even more difficult to admit and fix our mistakes. I put my self in the teachers shoes and cringe. I wonder how open minded I would be.
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