HAPPY

Yesterday I told Tom that I felt like I needed to conciously get away from negativity. Some of the negative things I can't run from, like the death of a neighbor's 20 year old son. Very sad. However, I can get away from negativity like neighborhood gossip or dwelling on some of the crazy things my kid's teachers do. Just an example before I stop. Erin's science teacher had a 5 question "notebook" test. "What was the homework assignment on such and such date?" "What was the topic heading on such and such date?". These were the two questions that Erin got wrong and ended up with a 60% on the test. She seems to be able to answer actual science questions fine! She also does all her assignments although apparently she didn't write that particular one down in her notebook. She told me that is because his assignments are sometimes "Remember that the book fair is tonight" or "Get your test signed by your parent". Sort of dumb to write down. She didn't know they would be on her science test.

SEE WHAT I MEAN WITH GETTING STUCK INTO THIS NEGATIVITY!

So instead I will dwell on good things!

Tom got to drive Sarah to ballet yesterday. Conversations with Sarah can always be interesting. Among her comments were "Daddy, will you ever take less pills?" The big joke around here is that when we go on a trip, Tom needs an extra suitcase for all his medications. When he's eating supper he needs to save some room for his pills! Poor Tom, hee hee!

Another thing Sarah made note of is that we are not rich in money but we are rich in good things like happiness! Yeah, Sarah!

Another thing that recently made me smile was Erin's first cross country race. Before the race she kept hoping that she wouldn't come in last, however, she was convinced that she would come in last. The day of the race came and I was there snapping pictures of my kids as well as all the other runners. I had to wait some time before Erin neared the finish line. I cheered her on and snapped a picture as she ran by. Then I didn't see anyone behind her. So, convinced that she was indeed last I walked off to find her and give her a hug. As I was doing this I noticed a few other runners were still coming in. I couldn't believe that I had been convinced she would be last! I ran to get a picture of the last runner on her team.

And Thomas? He just makes me happy puttering along in his own little striped shirt world.

WHY?

Why do people save their goodness for times when things are going bad? I noticed that when I was going through all this health scare that some people who wouldn't usually bother to communicate with me, were suddenly full of compassion. They were calling and wondering how things were. I know I should appreciate this new found attention but I don't. I very much appreciate the people in my life who like me when things are going good as well as being there for me when things go bad. I often hear people say that hard times bring people together. That seems to be true, but I notice when the hard times are over people go back to the same old bickering and drama. So, that's why I get annoyed.

Likewise, why is it that when someone dies they become the most wonderful person ever? Its not that I want people to go to funerals and start criticizing the deceased. Its just that I think people should show a little more caring for the living. I can think of numerous times that the people who seemed to hate a person when they were alive were sobbing with sadness at that persons funeral. Could it be that the people who are crying are upset from their own guilt? I can even find that acceptable if those people then learn from that experience. That's not what I've observed though. On TV and in magazine articles I've often found that people claim that a traumatic event had "changed them forever". But my day to day experience has shown that people aren't changed forever. If that were the case then most of us would be walking around being more loving and understanding. Wouldn't that be nice.

FINALLY SOME GOOD NEWS

Friday I went to see my neurosurgeon about my pituitary tumor. I got copies of my MRI films, the written report and all the blood tests I had done. I walked into his office and just after I sat down, he said "so I have your MRI and it looks like everything is okay". Now, what was I supposed to say to someone who thinks its okay to have a tumor? I said "Well, I wouldn't say everything is okay when there is a tumor there." He then proceeded to explain to me that the "soft tissue mass" that shows up on the MRI is "more than likely not a tumor". Probably just scar tissue but from the previous surgery. The only way of telling for sure is to do another MRI in six months. He said the first thing for me to do is to stop worrying. When I had first read the MRI report, I had thought the radiologist was being wishy washy when he used words like "appears" and "may be". I have never met the radiologist but have the utmost trust in my neurosurgeon. He spent time to review the films with me, point out how perfect my pituitary gland was looking. How the spot where the old tumor was located was still free from tumor. He also showed me the mass that the radiologist was referring to. Its "adjacent" to the pituitary and doesn't look like a tumor to me, and apparently it doesn't look like a tumor to the neurosurgeon. The only wee little worry is "what the heck is it then". I trust my neurosurgeon enough, that I know that if it looked suspicious he would be alerted. Instead of worrying, I'm going to follow his advice and just stop worrying!

SHOCKED

I've been living in shock for almost a week now. I've been going to doctors and getting tested for this and that. When I found out that I had a fibroid tumor I was surprised but not really worried. Then during a visit last week with my new endocrinologist I found out that the pituitary tumor I had removed 12 years ago has come back. I have an appointment with the neurosurgeon who removed the first pituitary tumor this friday. We will discuss what can be done about it this time. On that same day I found out that my thyroid is underactive and I will need to take medication for the rest of my life. They will do a needle biopsy of the nodule that is on my thyroid in order to rule out anything serious.

Do you know what's really funny? I feel fine. I have all this bad stuff wrong with me, and I feel fine! DO YOU HEAR ME...I FEEL FINE!!!! It must all be a dream. WAKE UP ELISE, WAKE UP!!!

As far as how serious all this is, it could be worse. The operation for the tumor is pretty delicate, but I have a really good surgeon. They go in through your nose. Pretty interesting.

FANTASY

Hah! With a title like that can you imagine who will come to visit!?!

My neighbor, "M", just came back from a visit with her son and daughter-in-law. Her daughter-in-law is a graphic artist who does all those touch-ups to make people look wonderful in magazine pictures.

The day after M got home, she came to visit our new kittens. While she was here she told Erin and me about the things her daughter-in-law was doing. If a hand looks funny, she takes it out and puts in a new one. Extra fat? Trim it down as easy as one, two, three! A picture of a family and one of the kids doesn't look right? Just erase him or her from view! See some goose bumps on an arm? One swoop and they are gone! Facial blemishes just don't exist in the world of the magazine people! M said that you hear that these things can be done, but to actually see the extent of what they do is incredible!

I'm very glad that Erin was there to hear about these things. She will know that she doesn't have to live up to the pictures she sees in magazines. What about the rest of the kids out there that don't really understand? I see a future of nips and tucks, peels and make-up. Ending with unhappiness because I don't think even a surgeon can compete with a graphic artist!

HELLO PEOPLE FROM INDIA!

I have a stat counter for my blogs but rarely do I look at how many people visit or where they visit from. Recently, I did want to know if anyone was visiting the blog I have set up to post pictures of my son's cross country team. While checking that out I decided to look at my justme64 stats. It's always fun to see the searches people do to get to my blog, like "dog puking". I also see that there are quite a few unhappy people out there because they ended up finding my "sometimes its okay to be unhappy" post.

I noticed that quite a few hits came from India. That brought me back to my days of working with my buddy, Venkat. I love that name, sounds like Cool Cat! He was originally from Hyderabad, India (excuse me if I spelled that wrong). Guess lately I've been going down memory lane and thinking about my days of working. I'm pretty sure that the ER doctor that my husband saw on saturday night was originally from India, but I was too busy gritting my teeth (watching my husband in pain) to ask.

So HELLO to all you people from India!!

MYRTLE

I can't save the world, but I can save Myrtle! I got back from the shore late tuesday night and was out picking huckleberries on wednesday when my neighbor's cat meowed at me. The neighbors left three weeks ago and left two cats to fend for themselves. When I went to say hello I saw that she had some sort of growth in her stomach...I'm so intelligent! Sure enough those nipples were sticking out too! After checking with other neighbors I confirmed that the cats were abandoned and was worried that Myrtle was going to pop any minute. I left the male cat but took Myrtle and kept her in my garage. The next day she had her babies! I feel really good about saving her from having the kittens outdoors. It even rained yesterday. I will let the babies get bigger and then if no one is interested in adopting them, I will bring them to the shelter. They will all be spayed or neutered there. I just hope Myrtle finds a good home because she is one of the best cats I've ever seen. Very loveable. We had no trouble catching her, just walked up and plopped her in the cat carrier.

MYRTLE THE DAY WE FOUND HER

MYRTLE THE NEXT DAY!

MY FRIEND PAUL

Yesterday I needed to have our van worked on and since the dealership is near my husband's place of work, that is where I ended up. Almost 14 years ago, I worked there too. It is a big facility with many different buildings. As I wound my way through the cubicles in my husband's building, I met up with quite a few people I knew from the past. I was struck by the fact that although I haven't seen these people for years, most of them started complaining to me about the office politics. Giving me specific details of who was mad at who and why they were mad! I began to think they were indeed mad, but in a crazy sort of way!

One of the secretaries asked me if I missed working. I told her that there were things I missed and things I didn't. I definitely don't miss the fights and bickering. I think that I get less of that from my kids! This day was making me appreciate my husband more for what he does. His day starts with an hour long drive with high strung crazy drivers, continues with a bunch of bickering babies and ends with the same hour long drive taking an extra half hour because of the tourists heading up to our area. Somehow he keeps waking up everyday and going to work. He can even find enjoyment in his work. I think his technique is to keep his head low and fly in under the radar. The actual work he gets to do when he's able to avoid the craziness is satisfying.

After eating breakfast in the cafeteria with my husband I made my way to my old cubicle. There I found my friend Paul. I rarely see Paul since he is never there when I stop by but yesterday there he sat. Just as the other people had slipped right back into whining and complaining like they had so many years ago, Paul and I slipped right back into our friendly chatter. As we caught up on what our kids were doing and how our feeble "old" bodies were failing us, I couldn't help but smile. I sat by Paul the entire six years that I worked. We both had our quirks, but we somehow worked things out. As we talked, I told Paul that I missed our fun conversations. He told me that he did too. We had rarely talked about office politics and mostly our topics were light and fun. An oasis in a world of negativity. If I could guarantee that I could stay in that safe little cubicle cocoon I would be happy to go back to work but that's not reality. Its so hard to ignore the bombardment of unhappy people. I see my husband struggle with that all the time. You can't hide from human nature and when that human's nature is misery they are always looking for company.

Thank you to my husband for what he does everyday and thank you to Paul for being my friend.

I'VE BEEN SUCKED IN AGAIN!

Before I had my first kid I found out that I had a pituitary tumor. Then after my second kid was born, I went into the hospital and had that tumor removed. When all this happened I felt sucked into a never ending medical mish mash. (I paused in my typing for quite some time to come up with THAT term!) Recently, I've had some "womanly troubles". Okay, okay, my periods are coming more frequently and I've been getting migraine headaches with them. Since the tumor messed up my period and headaches are a symptom of pituitary tumors I immediately was concerned. I contacted my neurosurgeon who removed the tumor and he recommended an MRI and blood tests and a visit to my endocrinologist. I hated my endocrinologist. So my plan was to go to my gynecologist and have a check-up and convince him to give me the orders for the MRI and blood tests. Instead he did a PAP smear and ordered a mammogram and a pelvic sonogram. The sonogram is for the fibroid tumor(s) he thinks I have. Sigh. He wouldn't give me migraine medication until I see an endocrinologist to check for the return of the pituitary tumor. Sigh. So, after one appointment with the gyno, I have three new appointments. And at the end of those three appointments I still won't know if the pituitary tumor has returned. That will require more appointments. In the meantime, I'm looking forward to my next migraine.

What a medical MISH MASH...sigh.

STORIES FROM THE TOILET

While camping at Disney World I made a trip to the bathroom. While in there I overheard two girls 7 and 9 years old in the handicap stall next to me. They were in the midst of quarreling. The 7 year old was trying to put on a bikini and seemed to be having quite a bit of trouble. The 9 year old was supposedly trying to help but the 7 year old was not allowing it. The 9 year old was telling her sister that she was 7 and should know how to put on a bathing suit, but since she was 9 she could help her. "You never help me the right way!!" "Fine, if you won't let me help you then I'm leaving!" "Fine!" "Fine!" Then I hear a couple of resounding slaps! I'm not sure if slapping each other snapped them out of the battle but then I heard the 9 year old say "Okay, if you don't tell on me then I won't tell on you!" The 7 year old answers "Well, that's just fine with me!"

Not too long after that the mother shows up and in an annoyed voice says "What's going on in here? What's taking you so long?" The 7 year old calmly says "I was having just a little bit of trouble and after I tried to put on my suit for awhile I just said 'Bre, could you please help me put my bathing suit on?' and then she helped me put it on."

I'm in my stall hiding and trying to muffle my laughs....the mother was suspicious but I guess what she doesn't know won't hurt her!